Bofa Deez Nuts Claims Maiden Victory
In a great moment for the planet Earth, a horse named Bofa Deez Nuts claimed its first victory tonight at Remington Park in Oklahoma City.
John Wall Kills Celtics With Perfectly Placed Dagger
Down two, five seconds left, season in the balance, the charred end of a night when his team hit 20 percent of its three-point attempts, a postseason in which home teams facing elimination were 0-10, the best defender on the East’s top seed staring him in the face, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Johnathan Hildred…
Actually, Moe Harkless Is The MVP
With 11:46 remaining in the third quarter of the game way back on April 3 between the Portland Trail Blazers and the Minnesota Timberwolves, Blazers forward Moe Harkless received a pass from Damian Lillard in the right corner, rose to shoot, and rattled in his third three-point basket of the night. It was his 68th…
Phoenix Suns' Gorilla Mascot Dives Onto The Court, Recovers Item, Scampers Off
At first glance, it looked like the Phoenix Suns’ gorilla mascot had gone rogue when he slid headfirst into the paint during the fourth quarter of the Suns game against the Washington Wizards.
Chill With The "Journalists Are Heroes" Thing
Whoa now. Everyone take a deep breath.
Hero Defender Refuses To Give Up, Somehow Thwarts Certain Goal
Sure, the striker in this Greek lower-league match who somehow didn’t score despite having nearly all the time in the world is the easy scapegoat here, but let’s appreciate the defender’s hustle and never-say-die attitude in the face of impossible odds. He is the true star here.
Hero Teen Takes Her Loss On Jeopardy! Like A Champ
Sabrina here didn’t know the answer to tonight’s Final Jeopardy! question about the Great Barrier Reef. That did not, however, stop her from chinning up, staring straight into the camera, and delivering the best answer of the night.
Iconic Endurance Cyclist Danny Chew Paralyzed After Crash
Cycling legend Danny Chew, 54, broke his neck and was paralyzed below the waist after drifting off the road and crashing in a ditch while out on a ride Sunday, according to a report from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. According to his friend Cassie Schumacher, who was riding with him when he crashed, doctors say it’s…
A Salute To John Bogle, A Real Fucking People's Hero
Che Guevara looks good in a beret, and Eldridge Cleaver had his moments, but today let us all take a moment to honor Real Motherfucking Hero of the People: John motherfucking Bogle, who has kept hundreds of billions of dollars out of the pockets of Wall Street greedheads.
Tongan Flag-Bearer Returns For Closing Ceremony
Remember Pita Taufatofua, the Tongan flag-bearer who captivated us at the opening ceremony weeks (feels like months) ago? He returned for tonight’s closing ceremony, fresh off losing his taekwondo bout by mercy rule.
Tongan Flag-Bearer Pita Taufatofua Owns The Olympics
This is Pita Taufatofua. He’s from Tonga. He competes in taekwondo. He’s self-funded. His day job is working at Sandgate House in Brisbane, Australia, where he helps homeless kids develop independent living skills. He has an Instagram.
Heroes Reborn Is A Terrible Idea That Might Turn Out Great Anyway
So a half-decade later, Heroes returns to NBC tonight as Heroes Reborn, and you probably don’t really give a damn. I get it.
These Filipino Divers Gave It Their Best Shots, And Failed Spectacularly
Salute Filipino divers John David Pahoyo and John Elmerson Fabriga, because even with no experience and little support, the two athletes still competed in this year’s Southeast Asian Games. Sure, they were awful, but... well, I don’t know where I’m going with this. It’s not their faults, though.
Lengthy L.A. Police Chase Brought To End By Random Dude On The Street
A random pedestrian news outlets alternately referred to as “heroic” and “crazy” brought a wild Los Angeles police chase to an end as he stepped in front of the suspect’s car, ending the hour-long pursuit.
Nürburgring 24 Driver Loses Wheel, Attempts To Repair It Himself
“This man is a legend.” A Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG GT3 driver at today’s 24 Hours Nürburgring lost a wheel and made a valiant effort to retrieve and repair it before giving in and allowing himself to be towed back to the pits. The commentary from Vodaphone’s broadcasters are priceless on this; the reason the driver was…
Guy Who Punched Out Belligerent Lax Bro Regrets Nothing
The word hero is thrown around so loosely these days. But the guy who decked a Syracuse lacrosse player who had attacked two random people, then dared the police to arrest him for knocking the guy out with a single punch? Hero. (Police did not arrest him, because he's a hero.)
NCAA Confiscates Reporter's Cat Mug
This may shock you, given its mission as a nonprofit devoted to the needs of its student-athletes, but the NCAA will fucking cut you if you threaten its corporate sponsorships. Those extend even to the drinking vessels used by media sitting courtside for tournament games. One intrepid Wall Street Journal reporter…
Chipper Jones Rescued Freddie Freeman In The Snowstorm
A state of emergency has been declared in Georgia, as a rare snowstorm has dumped up to four inches across the state. Babies born on the interstate, hundreds of schoolkids unable to get home, and for Atlanta residents, it's a travel nightmare unseen in years. Braves first baseman Freddie Freeman was one of those…
Derek Jeter Revived A Dying Man With His Handsome Face
Everyone shut up, we have some very important Derek Jeter news to share with you.
American Hero Barry Switzer Saved A Puppy From A Hot Car
What's NFL coach Barry Switzer up to these days? Oh nothing, just saving adorable animals from certain death.
