hi Page 813 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Giannis Jumped Over A Guy And It Ruled
It’s been a sad night for the Knicks and for Michigan basketball players, so why wouldn’t Giannis Antetokounmpo make things even more intense by jumping the fuck over Tim Hardaway Jr. on a fast-break alley-oop? Honestly, he slammed it so hard that nobody anywhere can feel anything other than breathl...
Barstool Employee Unhappy About Being Filmed In The Shower By His Boss
On Saturday, Barstool Sports president and short-tempered Adderall pill Dave Portnoy posted a video of one of his employees, Adam Smith, naked in the shower. Portnoy published the video to Twitter and then deleted it because, he said, Smith “cried like a baby about his dick being on the internet.”...
Nick Foles Called The “Philly Special” Play Himself
The “Philly Special”—the trick play at the end of the first half of Super Bowl 52 when backup tight end Trey Burton took the ball on an end around and threw a touchdown pass to quarterback Nick Foles—is already etched in the mind of every Philadelphia sports fan....
Burger Boy John Podhoretz Needs His Burger!
Being on Twitter for an extended period of time is guaranteed to make you a worse person. Most people, as they become bad, begin to exhibit the characteristics of few familiar archetypes: smarmy scold, aggressive moron, screaming sadist, wised-up industry knower, etc. It’s not good for you, but it i...
Well, Zach LaVine Can Still Dunk
Bulls guard Zach LaVine has played just 11 games since returning from a torn ACL that cost him a big chunk of last season. As is the case whenever a player known for his athleticism returns from an ACL injury, there were some questions about whether LaVine would remain a purveyor of big dunks....
Someone Please Stop Ernie Grunfeld From Considering This Very Stupid Trade
I can think of no harsher or more depressing condemnation of the, god, coming up on 15 years Ernie Grunfeld, a cartilage-brained nincompoop who never saw a ruinous short-sighted midseason trade he didn’t like, has spent as the head personnel honcho of the Washington Wizards than that the following s...
This Fake Childish Gambino Rap Is Genius
A brief trailer for the new Star Wars movie starring some fucking guy as Han Solo and Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian aired during the Super Bowl. That was enough to inspire internet genius Demi Adejuyigbe to make a fake rap as Childish Gambino, the name Glover uses while rapping:...
MSU Interim President John Engler To School Employees: Don't Destroy Documents Related To Investigations
Michigan State interim president John Engler has told school employees to preserve all documents that could be used in the investigations that the institution faces in the wake of decades of sexual abuse by former university employee Dr. Larry Nassar....
Lily Foles Shows What True Poise Looks Like In The National Football League
Let’s talk about what’s needed to be a truly outstanding representative of the National Football League on the big stage. Let’s talk about poise. Let’s talk about composure. Let’s talk about grace under pressure. Grit! Balance! A cool head! You know who embodied all of that last night? More than any...
The Deadspin Eagles Idiot Visited The Mall Of America
BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — When it opened in 1992, the Mall of America was so big the owners offered rentable cell phones so shoppers could contact each other throughout the mall. It is now the second-largest mall in the country in terms of gross leasable space, behind the King of Prussia Mall in suburban...
Doug Pederson Dethroned The Patriots By Taking Every Risk
The Eagles outpunched the Patriots in Super Bowl 52, with Nick Foles somehow keeping pace with Tom Brady even with Brady performing at the top of his game. The Eagles fused their play-calling, play design, and use of personnel packages into an attack so modern, so devastating it humbled Bill Belichi...
Jeff Fisher Must Be Arrested And Tried For His Crimes Against Football
Back in November, when the Los Angeles Rams revealed themselves as a legitimately formidable and dominant team, a significant share of the success seemed like it could be credited to simply getting rid of head coach and possible quarterback poisoner Jeff Fisher. Since then, it is clear that I was to...
Allegedly Enormous-Donged Eagles QB Leads Team To Super Bowl Victory
The Philadelphia Eagles are Super Bowl champions after defeating the New England Patriots 41-33 Sunday, and they couldn’t have done it without the stellar performance from backup quarterback Nick Foles and his reportedly gigantic hog....
Nick Foles's Trick-Play Touchdown Catch, As Called By A Dozen Announcers Worldwide
The bulk of Deadspin’s staff declared the Eagles’ fourth-down, trick-play pass to quarterback Nick Foles their favorite moment of last night’s Super Bowl. Here, then, is how a dozen broadcasters called the play—ranging from Kevin Harlan on Westwood One radio to Gerard Whateley on Australian radio to...
That Super Bowl Was Everything Anyone Could Have Asked For
Last night, the Philadelphia Eagles scored a fourth-down touchdown with one of the most inventive plays in modern Super Bowl history, averaged over six yards per rush, and punted just once. Yet they were somehow, statistically speaking, the Super Bowl’s second-best offense. Tom Brady’s 505 passing y...
Upon Further Review, The NFL Dodged A Bullet
Thank god for Brandon Graham. It was his effectively game-sealing strip-sack of Tom Brady—an actual, incontrovertible football play, a display of the kind of strength and athleticism and determination that bring us to the sport in the first place, a moment for which there was no reason to doubt your...
Performance Isn't Tied To Morality, EXCEPT FOR THE WORLD CHAMPION PHILADELPHIA EAGLES<em></em>
Be a happy and honest sports fan with this one simple trick: understand that moral values have nothing to do with on-field performance. That’s a foundational principle of this website, as far as I can tell, but abiding by it will stop you from making mistakes that have nothing to do with sports. It ...
Enter The Fucktomb
Philadelphians pose atop a garbage truck after struggling with their kerning, following the Eagles’ Super Bowl win over the Patriots. Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images....
HEY, PATRIOTS! FUCK YOU IN THE FACE!<em></em>
There is never a guarantee you’ll get a Patriots Schadenfreude Day. There are years when they win a Super Bowl and you just gotta sit there with gritted teeth while Brian O’Brian from Dickchester hoots and hollers and flashes imaginary rings and celebrates yet another Pats Super Bowl win by blinding...
Giannis Antetokounmpo Saves Child From Wearing A Big Baller Hoodie
If you want an idea of how NBA players feel about the Ball family and their Big Baller Brand apparel, I reckon Giannis Antetokounmpo’s reaction to seeing one of his fans in a BBB shirt is a good indication....