Burger Boy John Podhoretz Needs His Burger!

Being on Twitter for an extended period of time is guaranteed to make you a worse person. Most people, as they become bad, begin to exhibit the characteristics of few familiar archetypes: smarmy scold, aggressive moron, screaming sadist, wised-up industry knower, etc. It’s not good for you, but it is bad for everyone in a slightly different way.

But for people who were already terrible before Twitter was invented, such as egg-headed neoconservative failson John Podhoretz, there exists a final form: Guy Who Publicly Throws A Fit At Brands.

Podhoretz unlocked this achievement today when he fired off a four-tweet hissy fit at Schnippers, a burger chain that had the audacity to fail at delivering Podhoretz’s precious burger on time. Baby John wanted his burger but he had no burger and he was mad about it!

Podhoretz later deleted his tweets upon being informed by the burger joint that his order got screwed up because some people were out sick:

Now that we know Podhoretz’s true passion is timely burger deliveries, it’s a shame his father didn’t put him in charge of a chain restaurant instead of a shitty magazine.