hot-fucking-stove Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Report: Pretty Much Everyone Is Sure Kevin Durant Is Heading To The Knicks
ESPN’s Ian Begley published a story today about the state of the New York Knicks on the eve of a potentially pivotal summer for the franchise. The Knicks, of course, spent last season as a big sad joke, and even though recent Knicks history has been a procession of failed seasons followed by disappo...
Bryce Harper Finally Signs With The Phillies
After a long, stupid, painful process in free agency, Bryce Harper will be staying in the NL East. Jon Heyman first reported that the ex-Nationals outfielder will be going to Philly, and several other prominent baseball reporters confirmed it shortly after. Harper and the Phillies were reportedly “s...
Bryce Harper Finally Signs With The Phillies
After a long, stupid, painful process in free agency, Bryce Harper will be staying in the NL East. Jon Heyman first reported that the ex-Nationals outfielder will be going to Philly, and several other prominent baseball reporters confirmed it shortly after. Harper and the Phillies were reportedly “s...
Why Is Baseball's Biggest Drama So Damned Boring?
Bryce Harper has been “about to sign” with the Philadelphia Phillies for two weeks now, including one weekend when Andy MacPhail, the team’s chief baseball brain, said the Phillies were good with what they had and weren’t looking to add much in firepower or the payroll to fuel it....
White Sox Don't Sign Player
Kenny Williams, executive vice-president of the Chicago White Sox, spoke to reporters today about his team’s failed pursuit of Manny Machado, who will, per reports, sign with the San Diego Padres for $300 million or so:...
Reports: Manny Machado Will Finally Be Signed, By The Padres
Manny Machado’s going to get the long-term security and money he wanted. The infielder will reportedly sign with the San Diego Padres on a 10-year, $300 million contract. The deal contains an opt-out after the fifth year, as reported by Yahoo Sports’ Tim Brown....
The Sacramento Kings Are Done Waiting<em></em>
The Mavericks traded Harrison Barnes last night, in a transaction that chiefly made news because it happened in the middle of a game and later drew the ire of a man who has casually shipped out entire rosters of his teammates ahead of trade deadlines past. How could an NBA team, LeBron James asked, ...
The Eastern Conference Playoffs Are Going To Be Good As Hell
The Eastern Conference has been dogshit since I started watching basketball, and though the conference’s 2019 Finals participant will surely be skiing uphill in pursuit of a title, the three most significant trades of deadline week all featured Eastern Conference teams getting better by acquiring pl...
Marlins Trade J.T. Realmuto To The Phillies, Who Are Quickly Going All-In
Woo-hoo, we got some real, honest-to-god MLB transaction news to talk about! Hooray! After a long winter of drawn-out rumors, the Marlins have decided to trade top catcher J.T. Realmuto to the Phillies in exchange for an enticing if unproven bag of a few players and potential future players....
Bryce Harper Met With The Giants, But That Won't Work Out Either
It is extremely difficult to talk about the continuing free agencies of Bryce Harper and Manny Machado without finding yourself trapped in a valley of nihilistic despair, with no hope of escape besides the sudden appearance of a “mystery team” savior. With five days until Spring Training begins, eve...
At Least Magic Johnson's Phone Calls About Anthony Davis Are Finally Being Answered
With the NBA trade deadline exactly one week away and Anthony Davis currently on ice, the Los Angeles Lakers’ only real window to trade for the Brow without Danny Ainge and Boston’s superior collection of assets getting involved is... right now, actually. Because Boston can beat pretty much any offe...
The Stove Is So Cold That Now We Have To Entertain The Padres
Baseball’s hot stove should have burned bright and hot and then shut off by this point in the offseason, given that there are less than two weeks to go until spring training. Instead, the free agent process is all but guaranteed to trudge on through February, as solid potential additions including D...
The Big Boy President Threw A Burger Party For His Football Pals
Here is the dream, as I imagine it: A bunch of football players are in the White House. Let’s just say they’re the 1985 Chicago Bears, and let’s further say that they’re doing The Super Bowl Shuffle for reasons that are not immediately apparent. We must say this because the dream is not mine—the dre...
Baseball Doesn't Need Collusion To Turn Off The Hot Stove
The baseball panic is rising. With every additional day that Bryce Harper and Manny Machado go unsigned—and Dallas Keuchel and Mike Moustakas and A.J. Pollock and Craig Kimbrel—the drumbeat strengthens: Something is wrong here. After all, as has been pointed out here, every team could use a Manny Ma...
We're Approaching The Endgame Of The Machado/Harper Negotiations
Depending on how much you’re willing to believe the reported rumors, there appear to now be clear frontrunners in what seems to be at best to be three-team races for top free agents Bryce Harper and Manny Machado....
White Sox Sign Shitty Player
The Chicago White Sox did their part to keep the hot stove warm enough that you could put an oven mitt on it, then come back 10 minutes later to find it mildly toasty and perhaps worthy of being ranked as a warmth, by announcing the signing of shitty outfielder Jon Jay today....
It's Time For Some Bryce Harper Game Theory
When last we left the Bryce Harper Derby ... absolutely nothing was happening, or so we were led to believe. The 26-year-old superstar outfield has been taking his time, sitting on (as far as we know) a single formal offer, $300 million over 10 years, from the Washington Nationals. The offer was mad...
Maybe A Troy Tulowitzki Signing Will Tide You Over While You Wait On Manny Machado
We’ve been preheating the damn oven for two months, but now that it’s 2019 perhaps we are finally entering the hot stove season we’ve been so rudely denied? The Yankees have signed a multi-time all-star, multi–gold glove winning shortstop!...just not that one....
Dodgers Deal Yasiel Puig To Reds In Otherwise Bleak Multi-Player Salary Dump
The Dodgers and Reds just completed a “monster deal” of a trade, trading Yasiel Puig, Matt Kemp, Kyle Farmer, and Alex Wood to the Reds in exchange for Homer Bailey, who went 1-14 last year, as well as minor league shortstop Jeter Downs and rookie ball pitcher Josiah Gray. Downs and Gray are the sev...
Report: Anonymous Executive Says "That Whole Anthem Issue" Will Keep Bruce Maxwell Out Of Baseball
Former Athletic Bruce Maxwell is currently without a team, and is distressed enough about it that he recently fired his agent. Teams need catchers—it seems like half the league is circling around Marlins catcher J.T. Realmuto—and Maxwell is a catcher, and while he would be exactly no one’s idea of a...