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The USMNT's Newest Teen Sensation Provides Hope, Teammate Snatches It Away
Today is the USMNT’s first game back on the pitch since The Loss. From the ashes of such a debilitating defeat, the young and relatively unheralded group interim manager Dave Sarachan put out to face Portugal had a chance to win back some of the fan base’s faith. Which they did! Until they didn’t....

The Year's Best Slapstick Comedy Is This Video Of Three Bumbling Soccer Ladies
Kudos to the lowlight reel maker here for backing this hilariously embarrassing moment from Wednesday’s Barcelona-Gintra Women’s Champions League match—which features one sort of big screwup followed by a ginormous one—with an appropriately vaudevillian score. We present: The Three Stoogettes....

Dutch Soccer Player Somehow Misses Wide-Open Goal
The Harkemase Boys, of Holland’s fourth tier, were up 2-0 when Dennis van Duinen made a beautiful run, shook off a defender, beat the keeper, and faced a completely empty net. With glory a heartbeat away, he doinked the ball right over the crossbar....

Bad Soccer Teams Should Stop Shooting Their Own Dicks Off By Playing From The Back
Hey, shitty teams. A humble request: How about you stop giving up the easiest goals imaginable, making enormous errors in some misguided effort to play “beautiful soccer” and build up play from the back, and instead just lump the ball forward when facing your betters? This scourge must be stopped....

Goalkeeper Gifts Arsenal A Goal With Atrocious Boner
Playing out from the back can be good. It’s great to have a goalkeeper who is good with his feet and comfortable passing the ball around with opponents zipping at him. But this kind of dicking around on the ball and giving it straight to an opponent in literally the worst area of the pitch is unforg...

Bayern Munich's Awful Backup Keeper Is Demonstrating How Great Manuel Neuer Is
If walking the Bundesliga, winning the World Cup, and consolidating his place as the world’s very best goalkeeper weren’t enough to win Manuel Neuer the Ballon d’Or in 2014, when he finished third in the voting, then maybe atrocious blunders like this one today by Sven Ulreich, Bayern’s No. 2 keeper...

This Penalty Kick Really Sucks Ass
Your first reaction to this video of former Colombia national team striker Teófilo Gutiérrez pulling off one of the worst penalty kicks you’ll ever see will probably be to laugh and laugh and laugh....

Overconfident Goalkeeper Pays For His Casualness With Huge Boner
Ross County’s Scott Fox must’ve thought Rangers forward Alfredo Morelos had slid off the edge of the flat Earth after the keeper managed to juke away from Morelos’s tackle deep in Fox’s own penalty area. Unfortunately, the Earth is not flat—or at least the edge of it is not located just off the boun...

Striker Bails Out Goalkeeper's Fuck-Up With Even Bigger Fuck-Up
Most of the European soccer leagues haven’t even started yet and we already have an early contender for worst miss of the season. Take a bow, Valentin Costache of Dinamo Bucuresti, for this truly is an impressive feat of ineptitude....

Goalie Momentarily Forgets Where He Is, Concedes Very Dumb Goal
Soccer is hard. There are so many other people on the field: teammates, referees, opponents, occasionally the odd dog. One can be forgiven for the occasional lapse. However, this howler from Ottawa Fury FC goalkeeper Callum Irving is a transcendent fuckup....

Striker Somehow Fails To Kick Ball Into Open Net From Point-Blank Range
You know what, rather than ridicule, Aberdeen striker Miles Storey deserves our sympathy. Yes, it’s never good to find a way not to score when you’re literally a foot away from an unguarded net, but the incoming cross was deflected, and it had to feel like shit to hear that sound the crowd made when...

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Fearless Goalkeeper Stares Down Four-On-One Attack, Comes Up With Heroic Save
Argentine club Belgrano’s keeper probably should’ve been terrified with four River Plate players bearing down on him with no help in sight, but instead he went all “NAH FUCK THAT” and stood up brave and tall and psyched out the attackers, somehow saving a goal and earning the glory. ...

Five-Hole Howler For Belarusian Keeper
Sweden is having an easy time of it against Belarus—the Swedes are up 4-0, at the moment—but Belarusian keeper Andrey Gorbunov isn’t helping things. Here’s Emil Forsberg knocking one in for Sweden’s second goal of the match—also completing a brace for the Leipzig man—right through Gorbunov’s wicket....

Hometown Kid Jesé Introduces Himself To Las Palmas Fans With An Awful Miss
In the 67th minute of Monday’s Granada-Las Palmas La Liga match, PSG loanee Jesé stepped onto the pitch for the first time with his new club Las Palmas. That moment was the culmination of Jesé’s life journey so far, one that started in the city of Las Palmas, went through Madrid, took a short detour...

Hero Defender Refuses To Give Up, Somehow Thwarts Certain Goal
Sure, the striker in this Greek lower-league match who somehow didn’t score despite having nearly all the time in the world is the easy scapegoat here, but let’s appreciate the defender’s hustle and never-say-die attitude in the face of impossible odds. He is the true star here....

This Is Literally The Worst Miss In Soccer History
We’ve brought you a whole bunch of terrible misses over the years, and while all of them were affronts to the notion of soccer as an elegant, highly skilled sport, they were also, when looked at with an exceedingly sympathetic eye, at least sort of understandable. The above miss, in some Serbian low...

Fernando Torres Does A Fernando Torres
Fernando Torres must’ve felt some kind of way about Edinson Cavani threatening to usurp El Niño’s hard-earned title as The World’s Foremost Sitter-Misser, so he went and did this:...

Teenaged Korean Goalkeeper Is God-Awful At Pretending To Try To Stop This Goal
Thanks to the internet’s first helpful Youtube commenter, we know that this North Korean youth team was most likely actively trying to lose to avoid playing a better team in the knockout round of the Asian Federation’s U-16 Championship. So we can say pretty definitively that this Korean keeper was ...

Edinson Cavani Is A Hero
Maybe we’ve been looking at this all wrong. Maybe Edinson Cavani—the once world-bestriding striker who now seems trapped in his own private purgatory, one where his intelligent movement and powerful runs allow him to crash through defenses at will, only for all semblance of confidence and skill and ...