i Page 7665 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Enjoying Porn and Chicken In Vilnius
Thanks to Ballin Europe for bringing us this video of Zalgaris' Marcus Brown speaking after his team's playoff victory. Brown must have consumed a lot of chicken and porn over the years, because the Murray State product is the Euroleague's all-time leading scorer.. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm goin...
Previewing the Running of the Horses
The Preakness Stakes is finally upon us and Maryland students couldn't be more eager to get fucked up in celebration (it's not a real party without Scott Van Pelt). Since I know incredibly little about horse racing, I've turned to Randy, a lover of both equines and Deadspin. His words are after the ...
You Needn't Have Two Arms to Kick Ass
Earlier in the week Awful Announcing reported that ESPN will air a feature on the ratings bonanza that is roller derby on tomorrow's SportsCenter. Brian was obviously a bit befuddled by at the idea of roller derby getting significant airtime on the network's flagship show, but the blog Steady Burn h...
For Your Viewing Pleasure
• 1:30 — NHL: Dallas Stars vs. Detroit Red Wings, Game 5. [NBC] • 2:00 — LPGA: Sybase Classick, Third Round. [ESPN2] • 2:00 — Horses: Preakness Special from Pimlico Race Course. [ESPN] • 3:00 — PGA: AT&T Classic, Third Round at TPC Sugarloaf. [CBS] • 3:30 — ABC: LA Sparks vs. Phoenix Mercury. [ABC] ...
Cavs Win, Fans Of Basketball Lose
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who felt like he got punched in the nuts twice last night. When he's not sort of hating himself for loving the wrong teams, he can be found weeping softly at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Is It Werth It, Let Me Work It
There's been a lot of hand wringing in Philadelphia as of late over Ryan Howard's lack of offensive production (not to mention his arrest), but Jayson Werth is picking up the slack. Werth victimized Toronto's David Purcey for two of his three home runs and seven of his eight RBI with a grand slam an...
About Last Night
What you missed while wondering what set off everyone's obsession with anal fisting... • MLB: The Rays beat the Cardinals, but don't worry about Will, he's drunk. • NBA: In the night's one playoff game that didn't totally suck, the Lakers knocked the Jazz out of the playoffs. So yes, it is possible ...
Perhaps Simmons Should Write A Newspaper Column
• Tony K kisses newspapers goodbye. • Utah fans are scary. • Dee Mirich returns! • Reggie MIller, drinkin' • Hirshey nailed the end of the EPL season. • Barkley and Vegas, two great tastes that taste great together. • Sit a few plays out, big guy. • Thank you, Milwaukee! • When Charles Haley attacks...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch to wash the image of Jack Nicholson's man-boobs from your retinas ... • Boxing: Heavyweights, Chris Byrd vs. Shaun George, at Las Vegas (9 p.m., ET). That mouthpiece landed in the 25th row! Cool! [ESPN2]. • MLB: Chicago White Sox at San Francisco Giants (10:05 p.m., ET). Interleague pl...
NBA Playoffs: A Friday Night Viewer's Guide
Basketbawful is here to once again bring you a double-dose of your favorite things: Boobs and basketball. Actually, scratch the boobs part. And you'll have to talk to Will's mom about that....
Hey Kids! It's ESPN Rise! (Kill Me Now)
Those old enough to remember the launch of Sports Illustrated For Kids know what fun is in store for America with ESPN's newest venture, ESPN Rise. It's ESPN's attempt to go after the high school demographic with content — including a magazine, programming events and even a presence on SportsCenter...
Greg Oden Needs To Come Back Soon
Greg Oden, honestly, you can't back to the NBA fast enough. We're not sure what's going on with his hair here, but we still love it. We fully expect to run into Oden at, like, half the parties we go to....
Game Called On Account Of Jellyfish
Enjoy it while you can, Marlins fans. Your team may have won two World Series titles and is currently in first place in the NL Central East, but things have a way of evening out (Dontrelle Willis calls it karma). According to a study cited in the Orlando Sentinel, the polar ice caps are melting at s...
Boston Little League Crushes Rogue Parent, Keeps Nation Free For Democracy
A seven-year-old Boston area Little Leaguer was benched for two games recently when his mother didn't show up for her scheduled shift at the league snack bar. The Freetown Youth Athletic Association levied the penalty on the child due to his scofflaw mother, who claims that — get this — she had to w...
Jose Canseco Would Like To Tussle With Athletic-Types
Per Radar, it appears Jose Canseco is about to embark on his latest money-making idea'r and this time it involves two of his favorite pastimes: 1) Mixed martial arts, and 2) Shameless hucksterism....
Worry Is Like Interest Paid In Advance On A Debt That Never Comes Due
Nobody looks at a Japanese tourist....
Wait, Stealing Condoms Is A Crime?
We remember when a friend of ours, in high school, gave us advice, handed down to him by his grandfather, on how to buy condoms. "The trick," he said, "is not to try to slip them in with other purchases, or anything like that. Sorry, man: You just have to steal them." We didn't take that tactic, but...
The Yawns Of Mussina And Glavine
• Honestly, who in the world would care about John Feinstein's new book? [The Sports Hernia] • Cubs-Cards crossovers other than Jim Edmonds. [Joe Sports Fan] • We can't imagine it's fun to be a new blonde sportscaster in Boston media. [Red Sox Monster] • Lil Penny, still out there. [You Been Blinded...
Talking To Manny's High Five Friend
Whatever your thoughts about Manny Ramirez and the Boston Red Sox, you had to love Manny's wild, patented "great catch, followed by high five, followed by doubling off a runner from first base" play from Wednesday. It was a signature Manny moment; insane, absurd, joyous. But what about the fan he hi...