Worry Is Like Interest Paid In Advance On A Debt That Never Comes Due

Nobody looks at a Japanese tourist.

Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.

If you put a thief in your mouth to steal your brain, you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Coors Light • Tivo • Screw America