i Page 8827 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Redskins Surprisingly Effective Car Salesmen
With the Redskins improbably advancing to the NFL's Final Eight, we're obviously going to be ratcheting up the Clinton Portis coverage even more than we already have, if that's not terrifying enough for you. As a little appetizer, though, we present you this gaggle of advertisements for Easterns A...
Fiction Is Actually Stranger Than Kobe's Truth
Further showcasing the almost impressive casual racism of the porn industry, a reader sends us the link to this very special porn film: Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation, from our classy friends at Hustler....
Joe Paterno's Slip Of Tongue (Ugh)
It's a nice time to know Penn State coach Joe Paterno ... unless you're a woman, says the National Organization of Women. The organization has taken issue with Paterno's comments about Florida State linebacker A.J. Nicholson, who was accused of rape in a Florida hotel room. Here's what JoePa said:...
The NFL Says Goodbye To Its Boner Pills
In a tragic day for that assuredly small crossover of "sports fans" and "people who take pills in order to get erections," the NFL has decided to discontinue its relationship with erectile dysfunction drugs, citing "growing concerns about increasingly risqu creative in the category." (We think tha...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • So, just to recap, it's The Morning Quickie at 9 a.m.; Fantasy Focus at 10; and Women's College Hoops with Charlie Creme at 11. We love Internet porn as much as the next person, but this seems excessive. • Noon. Preview, Patriots at Br...
Playoff Predictions Roundup: We Suck
As we giggle over this photo of Jeremy Shockey — honestly, all this picture needs is that sad "Peanuts" music playing in the background, like on that episode of "Arrested Development" — we thought we'd look at our panel of "experts" did in their wild-card weekend picks. Needless to say, when we sa...
NFL Playoff Roundup: Riiiiipppppp!
• Honestly, we know this was covered all weekend, but man, that Carson Palmer thing was the worst playoff moment we can remember. We think Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals have it tough; Bengals fans finally get in the playoffs, and two plays in, their Pro Bowl QB tears an ACL and MCL. (Quest...
About Last Night ...
Your weekend was like a David Lynch movie, only without the midgets. We'll bring you up to speed ... • NFL Playoffs: One Manning down, one to go. Panthers maul hapless Giants; Palmer-less Bengals lose to Steelers. • College Basketball: No. 1 Duke stays unbeaten with win over No. 23 Wake Forest, just...
To Watch Tonight...
• College Basketball: #1 Duke @ #22 Wake Forest. This is actually a game I'd love to see, but my noggin is fried because of the football orgy. I need to sit in the dark and listen to Enya for about six hours. • NHL: Columbus @ Phoenix. Did you know that the Blue Jackets have never ever won in Phoeni...
Steelers vs. Bengals - 4th Quarter
• James Farrior comes up with an interception of Jon Kitna. And it's not the interception itself that's ending this game, but the tidal wave of momentum that appears to be on the Steelers side....
Steelers vs. Bengals - 3rd Quarter
• Bonnie Bernstein lets us know that Carson Palmer has a torn ACL, and the Bengals hope he'll be ready for training camp next year. Ouch. What a very Bengal thing to happen. You have my sympathy, Bengals fans....
Steelers vs. Bengals - 2nd Quarter
• The Steelers answer and grab a little bit of the momentum back with a touchdown via a Ben Roethlisberger to Willie Parker screen pass. 10-7 Bengals....
Steelers vs. Bengals - 1st Quarter
• Chad Johnson spent his time before the game hanging out in the parking lot with Bengals tailgaters. Hopefully, he's sober....
Elsewhere...
• Morris Peterson gets ejected from the Raptors/Nets game for slapping Vince Carter in the face. I didn't see it, so I can't comment, but I can't think of too many reasons to not slap Vince Carter. Sorry. I'm not a Vince Carter fan....
Panthers vs. Giants - 4th Quarter
• If Ken Lucas and Marlon McCree played for the Giants, Eli Manning would be on fire. Unfortunately for Eli, however, they are Panthers. McCree did do the Giants a favor, though, and run about 20 yards backwards after the interception. But that probably just means DeShaun Foster has more yardage ...
Panthers vs. Giants - 3rd Quarter
• The Giants brought out Lawrence Taylor to be honored at halftime. This could provide some inspiration for the G-Men. Particularly if LT brought his pipe with him....
Panthers vs. Giants - 2nd Quarter
• After Carolina continued to gash the Giants up the middle with the run, Steve Smith got open over the middle for a touchdown. 7-0 Carolina. He followed it up with a snow angel in the endzone, and the any signifigance or entertainment value is lost on me....
Panthers vs. Giants - 1st Quarter
• The first half of the first quarter is timid and uneventful, but Carolina's settled into a little bit of a groove, moving the ball with relative ease. DeShaun Foster is gashing them a little bit, and Steve Smith is picking up yards on little bubble screens....
To Watch Today...
If, for some reason, the NFL Playoffs aren't your thing......
About Last Night...
• NFL: Jaguars 3, Patriots 28. It was a Tom Kazanski performance for the Patriots last night. It's the way they play, ice cold, no mistakes. They wear you down, you get bored, frustrated—do something stupid and they've got you. • NBA: Jazz 94, Pistons 90. Utah beats Detroit for the second time this ...