ick Page 559 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Watch People Cheer For A Suicidal Turtle At The Players Championship
Your morning roundup for May 15, the day Lazy Cakes, Kush Cakes and Lulla Pies start becoming Public Enemy Nos. 1-3....

A Walk-On Who Made the Team Wants You to Know What It Really Means
Alex Howell was the only freshman in the tunnel that Saturday, his chinstrap so tight it fused his jaw shut, 89,000 people packed into to the last row at Auburn's Jordan-Hare Stadium. Earlier in the week the graduate assistant… [Kotaku] ...

Skip Bayless Is Ready To Throw Down With Michael Vick Over LeBron James
Your morning roundup for May 13, the day we wondered why our census form asked for penis size. Video via Sportsfeeder....

Alabama Football Player Found Dead; <em>ESPN Insider</em> Has The Story On Which Player Can Best Replace Him
The University of Alabama has confirmed that Aaron Douglas, an offensive lineman, was found dead in Florida this morning. There are no more details regarding the nature of his death, but ESPN Insider's Albert Lin is ahead of the news in some awful way: earlier this afternoon, the "Rumor Central" wri...

Michael Vick's Dog Receives Key To The City
Back in February, when folks in Dallas were outraged that the city's Mayor Pro Tem had awarded Michael Vick with a key to the city that, he explained, was really "for the children," the Dallas Observer ran the headline that included the phrase, "As It Turns Out, Anybody Can Get a Key to the City of ...

Here's Video Of LeBron James And Delonte West Sharing A Brief But Loving Embrace Last Night
Your morning roundup for May 12, the day old coot Yogi Berra will come up with something witty to say about turning 82, even though he's only 81....

Patrick Kane's Offseason Begins With A Black Eye, Taking A Girl Home From A Club
Oh Kaner. We take a lot of shit for giving you shit, but you keep giving us shit to give you shit for....

Phil Jackson Agrees That His Career Has Been The "Bee's Knees"
Your morning roundup for May 9, the day we learned of the Village tree thief....

The Lakers Had A Group Meltdown In Honor Of Phil Jackson's Final Game
Let's avoid speculating about why the Lakers are avoiding Kobe Bryant on the court, and why Pau Gasol broke it off with his girlfriend, and how those two things may or may not be related and may or may not have lead to this 4-0 sweep, and just point out that Los Angeles played like a team — despit...

The <em>New York Times</em> Pushes Up Its Glasses, Issues Nerdiest Correction Ever
I'll just let the Times explain:...

When Will the One-Year Career Come to an End?
It really doesn't matter how many times My Player is an NBA All-Star, nor how durable he is on the Road to the Show, or to Glory, or to the Masters. Every one of them will suffer a career-ending injury:… [Kotaku] ...

Rick Reilly Shuts Down Journalism School, Pisses On Journalism's Corpse, Makes Some Shit Up About MLK
Rick Reilly returned yesterday to the University of Colorado's J-School to deliver a speech to graduates. A 1981 alumni himself, Reilly sent out the last pure CU journalism grads, as the program converts to "journalism plus" next year. Gathered from reports by the Denver Post and Daily Camera, here ...

The Infuriating Consistency Of Dirk Nowitzki's Step-Back Jump Shot
If I were a real Lakers fan, which is a thing I've been told exists somewhere, and I had to watch the Dallas Mavericks handily beat my team at home twice in a week, then I would place an inordinate amount of rage in watching Dirk Nowitzki make shots like this one....

Ron Artest Forfeits Good Citizen Award Right Into J.J. Barea's Face
Artest was ejected with 24 seconds left for this clothesline on J.J. Barea. Barkley thinks it's suspension-worthy; we're confident it's not, if only because LA is a bigger TV market than Dallas for any conference final....

Here's The Story Of A Man In Bra And Panties Who Killed A Pygmy Goat While Tweaking On Bath Salts
Lisa Powers of Charleston, WV bought her 4-year-old grandson a pygmy goat on Friday. They named it Bailey, after a Disney Channel show's character. Here's what Grandmother Powers had to say about what happened to Bailey by 3:15 a.m. Monday. The "he" in the quote is neighbor Mark Thompson....

This Flying Kick Got A Kazakh Soccer Player Banned For Life
This footage, taken during a post-game brawl on April 16 this year, has just turned up. It shows Kairat's Armand Masimzhanov delivering a brutal flying kick to a Lokomotiv player at the end of their match. Masimzhanov was banned for life from the Kazakhstan Football Federation for "terrible cruelt...

Chris Paul Will Sign With Knicks And Heat In 2012
Chris Paul, fresh off an almost-upset in the first round, took in tonight's Heat-Celtics game with a recognizable cap atop his head and some slightly less recognizable people by his side....

Derrick Rose, NBA MVP, Thanks His Mother And Warms Our Frigid Hearts
Chicago's Derrick Rose was named the NBA's 2010-11 Most Valuable Player today. He is the youngest MVP in league history. Rose delivered remarks to members of the Chicago media this afternoon; he sounded perhaps nervous and certainly young, because he is. But he was careful to take the time to than...

Listen To This Cricket Announcer Describe A Ball Heading Directly For His Face
Edward Bevan, cricket announcer for BBC Sport Wales, nearly dodged a ball hit into the announcer's booth by a Somerset player on Monday. More impressively, he narrated its approach: "It's coming up, is it going to hit us?" Bevan manages, and then you hear the kind of glass-smashing sound effect you ...

Jameer Nelson Did Not Use His Free Nosebleed Seats For The Hawks-Bulls Game Last Night
Back in April, the Chicago Bulls held off the Magic 102-99 after a Jameer Nelson three-pointer came too late. Nelson congratulated Bulls guard Derrick Rose with a promise to "catch you in the second round" of the playoffs (video of the exchange is above; the mixing is not our doing) during Rose's ...