ick Page 566 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Gus Johnson Mesmerized By The Sound Of Gus Johnson's Voice
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Patrick Kane: A Portrait In Inebriation
Via NBC Chicago, here's a compilation of Kaner during the Blackhawks' victory parade today in Chicago. Watch him chug champagne, catch crowd beers, drink from the Cup, and slur his speech with the moxie of a 10-year veteran. Video inside....

Wait 'Til Next Year (When It Grows Out)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Dear Roenick: It's OK, Let It Out
Jeremy Roenick is a 40-year-old man. He was one of the NHL's best players during one of the NHL's least enjoyable periods. Last night, he cried on national TV. It's really fine that he did....

Chicago Blackhawks Win The Stanley Cup
It's over. Patrick Kane wins it for the Blackhawks with a "secret" goal in OT. Good for him. (Update: Now with bonus video of Jeremy Roenick's tears.) [NHL.com]...

Tom Izzo Might Be The New Cavs Coach
Tom Izzo might be telling his MSU players that he intends to take the Cavaliers position; Dick Vitale might be wrong; and any grad students in the 216 might hold off on getting a new cellphone. Your move, Tad Carper. [WFNY]...

The King Of The Ferret Leggers: The Classic Tale Of Sportsmen Who Put Carnivores Down Their Pants
In his new book, Rick Reilly writes at length about ferret legging, a bloody endurance competition wherein the athlete stuffs a ferret down his pants. In 1987, Outside's Donald Katz wrote the first, and still the best, ferret-legging account. Here it is....

How Not To Leave A Message For A Woman You're Hoping To Date
Dudes: The follow-up phone call is important—but try not mention that you'll call again in one month because you're currently living with another woman you sort of care about, because you're also homeless. Save that for email. [Gawker]...

Rick Reilly®: King Of The Juice
"Anyway, it's not an important story," Rick Reilly writes in his latest, which, like all Reilly efforts, is basically a kitten-hanging-from-a-tree-limb poster expressed in words, "just one that squirts apple juice right in your face." Hmm. Sound familiar?...

Blood Writes: "Hockey Stick To The Face"
Kinda wuss (only 20 stitches), but here you go…— Tom...

Dario Franchitti Shows Off His Trophy, Wife
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Dan Patrick's Garish Yellow Man Purse Spotted At DMB Show (UPDATE)
One reader caught the Dave Matthews (Band) show at Hartford on Saturday night and had the good fortune of sitting near Patrick and his family, bobbing along to "Ants Marching" and the like. But, seriously, what's with the bag?...

Nick Swisher's Soon-To-Be Wife Is A Scientologist?
This news of potential matrimonial conflict is brought to you byBob's Blitz, which points out that Swisher's fiancée, actress Joanna Garcia, has some ties to L.Ron Hubbard's Hollywood weirdo community....

Last Night's Winner: The Rules, Technically (UPDATE)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like NBA schoolmarms, who time and again toughen up the rulebook to improve the league's cosmetics and who time and again wind up screwing with the game itself....

After Seeing This Promo Pitch, Who Wouldn't Want To Go On A Cruise With Rick Dempsey?
Walkoff Walk discovered this gem of a YouTube video where one cadence-challenged pitchman tries to sell this Rick Dempsey (himself!) luxury cruise. You will. Talk like. This. All day. [WalkoffWalk]...

Nolan Ryan Buys Texas Rangers (Who Still Owe A-Rod Money, By The Way)
The Texas Rangers declared bankruptcy today, which was merely a procedural matter on the road to a $575 million sale to team president/good 'ol boy Nolan Ryan and his group of investors. First step? Pay off some really lousy contracts....

Renovated MSG To Bring Sports Arenas Into (A Six-Year-Old's View Of) The Future
The first thing that jumps out at you in the renderings of the new-and-improved Madison Square Garden are two "sky bridges" that hang over the floor. Gimmicky? Yep. Sure to be ridiculously-priced for something higher than the highest nosebleeds? You betcha....

Why Did Fans Boo Danica Patrick At Indy 500 Qualifying?
Helio Castroneves won the pole for next Sunday's Indy 500. But the real story out of qualifying yesterday was Danica getting lustily booed by the crowd. Let's posit some explanations....

The Ultimate Trick Shot Video: From A Freaking Plane
Yeah, those mad geniuses from Texas A&M known as "Dude Perfect" are back at it: this time, nailing a shot from a crop duster, on only the second take....

Genius Philly Fan Posts The License Plate He Stole From Montreal Writer Online
Everyone knows that all crimes committed immediately following a significant hockey victory cannot be prosecuted under the law, but that rule has always assumed that the suspects aren't complete blockheads who don't know how to keep their mouth shut....