illinois Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ron Zook Continues To Piss Intensity
After Illinois' oddly easy win over Northwestern — to win the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk, whatever that is — on Saturday, the most amazing Illini season we can remember draws to a close. Which means, of course ... it's time for the Ron Zook Water Skiing Photo! The man pisses intensity....
Michael Jordan Is Paying A Wee Bit In His Divorce Settlement
Michael Jordan and Juanita Jordan got engaged on New Years Eve, 1987. Jordan was in his third year in the NBA at the time, and had just filmed a Nike commercial with Spike Lee. They were married almost two years later — in Las Vegas, of course — and they signed a "post-nuptial agreement," whatever t...
The Best JetBlue Flight Of All Time
We've watched our favorite teams play in some strange places. We once saw our Buzzsaw lose on the back of a boat off Lake Shelbyville while an old girlfriend vomited off the back. (We helped her out, once the outcome had been clearly decided.) But Illinois' breathtaking upset of Ohio State on Satur...
A Long Night In Champaign
We very much enjoyed our trip to Champaign on Saturday, even if we watched our Illini lose, once again, to those Michigan Wolverines. A note to Michigan fans: As if you didn't already know, your fans travel very well....
Ron Zook, Illinois And Our Spinning Brains
We have resisted as long as we can: We now, to finish our day, talk about the Illini. And what better way to do so than through the restless guns of Ron Zook....
In One Way, The Illini Already Are Champions
The college football season is but three days away, and to the hardcore fan, that means only one thing: The Fulmer Cup has been awarded! And yes, this year's winner of Every Day Should Be Saturday's yearly ode to collegiate athlete malfeasance is one that hits us close to the heart. Somewhere aroun...
Danny Almonte's Big League Dreams
So this is sad: Danny Almonte, the onetime Little League World Series legend who turned out to be older than everyone had sad — and ended up marrying a woman 11 years his senior — is gonna need himself a new career....
Yes, EIU Wrestlers, We Understand Your Point
Last month, the Eastern Illinois University wrestling program was discontinued by the school, which cited low academic marks from the team. The grapplers immediately protested in the only way they know how....
Jack Trudeau Likes Alcohol ... Policemen, Not So Much
It's that time of year. The kids are graduating from high school, and former Colts quarterbacks are getting them shitfaced. It seems like just yesterday, it was me donning the cap and gown, getting my diploma, and Jeff George threatening to beat my ass if I couldn't do a keg stand for 45 seconds....
Michael Jordan Ready To Bag Champaign Coeds
Beware, Alpha Phis gallivanting around at Kam's or C.O.'s: Michael Jordan's gonna hit your campus soon, and he doesn't care for your "no cigar smoking inside" rules....
Clog, The Illini Way
Our father's birthday is in August, and we were trying to figure out what we should give to him. It's difficult to shop for Dads; we're not sure there's any Cardinals merchandise left....
Sweet 16 Pants Party: Kansas Vs. Southern Illinois
Kansas Jayhawks (32-4) vs. Southern Illinois Salukis (29-6) When: 7:10 p.m. ET Where: San Jose...
Nothing But Fleabags For You, No. 15 Seed!
There's a clear caste system in college basketball, and it appears it is set up entirely by where you are seeded. Just take a look at Southern Illinois; as a No. 11 seed a few years ago, they were shacked up in a moldy, rundown hotel. Now, as a No. 4 seed?...
NCAA Pants Party: Southern Illinois Vs. Holy Cross
Southern Illinois Salukis (27-6) vs. Holy Cross Crusaders (25-8) When: Friday, 9:40 p.m. Where: Columbus...
NCAA Pants Party: Virginia Tech Vs. Illinois
Virginia Tech Hokies (20-11) vs. Illinois Fighting Illini (23-11) When: Friday, 7:10 p.m. Where: Columbus...