illinois Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Oh, Like You Didn't Know This Picture Was Coming
Yep, it's really happening: Illinois — Illinois! — is in the Rose Bowl. The game they play on New Year's Day. That one. Seriously. Zook in Pasadena. Zooooooooook....
At Least The Big Ten Won Three, Anyway
Yes, we know we're the only people who care about the Big Ten/ACC Challenge, but indulge us: It's difficult to find any kind of sustained series between two supposedly competitive leagues that involves such repeated dominance....
Yet Another Reason Never To Visit Hawaii
OK, maybe Duke's a little better than we realized. And maybe Illinois still hasn't learned how to shoot. Here you see Brian Randle, fouling someone, as usual. Duke's good again, everybody: Spread the word. Then cringe....
Welcome Back, Duke Haters
We know the college basketball is officially underway because ... everyone's Duke bile is building! We've missed it; it's nice having villains, even if they haven't actually done that much lately that was particularly villainous....
Sure, He's, Uh, Doing Some Bobcats Scouting
We were busy at this show tonight, so we're late on the uptake, but we will say this: We don't think we'll ever get used to seeing Michael Jordan wearing Illini colors. We wonder if Tar Heels fans will ever get used to it either....
Ron Zook Continues To Piss Intensity
After Illinois' oddly easy win over Northwestern — to win the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk, whatever that is — on Saturday, the most amazing Illini season we can remember draws to a close. Which means, of course ... it's time for the Ron Zook Water Skiing Photo! The man pisses intensity....
Michael Jordan Is Paying A Wee Bit In His Divorce Settlement
Michael Jordan and Juanita Jordan got engaged on New Years Eve, 1987. Jordan was in his third year in the NBA at the time, and had just filmed a Nike commercial with Spike Lee. They were married almost two years later — in Las Vegas, of course — and they signed a "post-nuptial agreement," whatever t...
The Best JetBlue Flight Of All Time
We've watched our favorite teams play in some strange places. We once saw our Buzzsaw lose on the back of a boat off Lake Shelbyville while an old girlfriend vomited off the back. (We helped her out, once the outcome had been clearly decided.) But Illinois' breathtaking upset of Ohio State on Satur...
A Long Night In Champaign
We very much enjoyed our trip to Champaign on Saturday, even if we watched our Illini lose, once again, to those Michigan Wolverines. A note to Michigan fans: As if you didn't already know, your fans travel very well....
Ron Zook, Illinois And Our Spinning Brains
We have resisted as long as we can: We now, to finish our day, talk about the Illini. And what better way to do so than through the restless guns of Ron Zook....
In One Way, The Illini Already Are Champions
The college football season is but three days away, and to the hardcore fan, that means only one thing: The Fulmer Cup has been awarded! And yes, this year's winner of Every Day Should Be Saturday's yearly ode to collegiate athlete malfeasance is one that hits us close to the heart. Somewhere aroun...
Danny Almonte's Big League Dreams
So this is sad: Danny Almonte, the onetime Little League World Series legend who turned out to be older than everyone had sad — and ended up marrying a woman 11 years his senior — is gonna need himself a new career....
Yes, EIU Wrestlers, We Understand Your Point
Last month, the Eastern Illinois University wrestling program was discontinued by the school, which cited low academic marks from the team. The grapplers immediately protested in the only way they know how....
Jack Trudeau Likes Alcohol ... Policemen, Not So Much
It's that time of year. The kids are graduating from high school, and former Colts quarterbacks are getting them shitfaced. It seems like just yesterday, it was me donning the cap and gown, getting my diploma, and Jeff George threatening to beat my ass if I couldn't do a keg stand for 45 seconds....