its Page 49 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Agony Of Upkeep
There are many shitty things about growing old. But here's one of the shittiest: paying lots of money simply to maintain the shit you already have....
Mutton Wins Again
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Ben Roethlisberger Accused Of Sexual Assault
WTAE-Pittsburgh reports that a Nevada casino employee has filed a civil lawsuit against Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, accusing him of sexual assault. His attorney denies the charge. More tomorrow, obviously, when Feel Good Story Week continues. [WTAE-TV; PFT]...
This Little Furry Will Be Shaq's Reality Show Sidekick
"Ive been alotta place but being at the shaolin temple n china has brouhht a tear to my eye buddha blessed," Shaq recently tweeted. So he cried on the shoulder of a giant panda, and turned that frown upside down....
Giant Inflatable Penis Owner Explains Herself, Giant Inflatable Penis
Many will remember this year's American Century Championship for Tony Romo's valiant efforts and Rick Rhoden's continued dominance of the tournament, but the big, bright shining star of Saturday's action was a six-foot dong peeking over Michael Jordan's shoulder....
Mutton Wins Again
Is there a bigger mismatch out there than little children vs. surly mutton? Seriously. They're like the Washington Generals on sheepback. Look, kids. Hang it up. You just aren't going to ride that mutton....
Angry Sheep, 1, Small Terrified Boy, 0
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Rick Pitino Didn't Do That Thing Karen Sypher Said He Did, Probably
Louisville police will not prosecute Rick Pitino for whatever it is Karen Sypher allegedly tried to blackmail him with. So I guess we'll never get a steamy "Law & Order"-style courtroom drama starring the saucy Cardinals coach....
Nancy Boys Play Like ... Well, Nancy Boys
Look, when you play for a soccer team from a town named Nancy, headlines like this are inevitable. (What editor could resist?) Especially when you run away from swine flu like a team of little girls. [ESPN]...
Nike Just Steals It
A woman in California is accusing the King Kong of clothing companies of stealing her trademarked slogan. Thankfully, this is America, where large, filthy rich corporations don't stand a chance against your average Jane Citizen....
Minor Leaguer Pushes Hit Streak To 45 Games
Mariners prospect Jamie McOwen has hit safely in 45-straight games, which pretty much means he's better than Pete Rose. Of course, that also means he's not as good as legendary sluggers Otto Pahlman and Harry Chozen, but them's the breaks....
The Fate Of U.S.-Russia Relations Rests On Alexander Ovechkin's Stick
"As a resident of Washington, D.C., I continue to benefit from the contributions of Russians — specifically, from Alexander Ovechkin," said Barack Obama, who was criticized for not being a true puckhead. Don't get greedy, Capitals fans. [D.C. Sports Bog]...
Man Falls From Hockeytown's Roof...Reader Has Enthusiastic Report
This is unfortunate. A Tiger fan hanging out at Detroit's famous Hockeytown bar fell off the roof deck and landed on the sidewalk. We hope he's okay. But one intrepid reader was there to offer this [Sic'd/Sick?] report....
Mazel Tov, Omri Casspi
Casspi was selected with the 23rd pick in the Draft last night, which, in David Stern's mind, completely validates the NBA's entire push for globalization. Shalom, chaver. If Casspi — a 6-foot-9 small forward who had some success in the Euroleague — makes the NBA, he will be the first Israeli and se...
Two Sportswriters You Meet In Hell
Yesterday, we shared with you one delightful tale about Phil Mickelson and everyone's favorite deadline Napoleon, Mike Lupica. To this, a SportsJournalists.com anonym has added another — one in which Mitch Albom makes a cameo, and Loopy gets his comeuppance....
Sportswear Company Outplays Nike, Loses Anyway
It's a classic underdog tale—an upstart company devises a brilliant product plan, employs pluck and good fortune to make their dream a reality, and takes on the big boys....and then is summarily crushed by a large, multinational corporation....
Harold Reynolds Won't Embrace OPS
Now that Joe Morgan is telling tales 'round the national campfire, who out there is left to make specious, proudly ignorant arguments about the value of baseball statistics? Batter up, Harold Reynolds!...
This Is How You Know The U.S. Open Didn't End The Way Most People Wanted It To
Seconds after Lucas Glover snatched his wife into a victorious embrace, we received three emails from readers with screengrabs of her pit sweat. I'm surprised Dan Jenkins didn't Twitter about it....
A's Fan Gets $500K For Being A Douchebag
Attorney scores a settlement from the A's after a lawsuit claiming gender discrimination for not getting a breast cancer hat on Mother's Day. Expect upcoming lawsuits against Curves, gynecologists, and child birth. [NBC Philadelphia]...
Financial Scammer Robs NHL Players To Throw Raunchy Parties For MLB Greats (And Joe Morgan)
There are many tales of financial woe to emerge from our economic meltdown, but few are more bizarre than the developer who bilked NHL players out of millions of dollars—only to lavish it on ex-baseball players?...