Folks, our worst fears have seem to have come true: Jeb and Jeets have reportedly gone their separate ways, bringing an end to their joint pursuit of the Miami Marlins.

It’s been less than a month since Bloomberg reported that Jeb Bush and Derek Jeter had won the bidding war for the Miami Marlins, and since then their reported grip on the team has only gotten looser.

Yesterday, Bloomberg reported that a group led by Jeb Bush and Derek Jeter had won the bidding to buy the Miami Marlins. But a whole host of conflicting reports indicate that may not be time to say “yeah Jeets” (or, gross, “yeah Jeb”) just yet.

According to multiple reports, the ownership group led by Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush has submitted the winning bid to purchase the Miami Marlins from disgusting rich person Jeffrey Loria.

There has been a near-constant swirl of rumors about Miami Marlins owner Jeff Loria’s desire to sell the team, and the names of a few potential buyers have been floated. Two of those names, Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush, are now apparently combining forces and looking to buy the team together.

As anyone in media will be quick to tell you, this has been one long, grueling election. We’ve seen pope feuds, rigged podiums, and Ted Cruz’s innards. But for all its scandal and intrigue, this election has been largely devoid of one thing in particular: Motherfucking answers.

Jeb Bush, a man who insists he owns multiple sweaters and also loves saltines, is furious. But why is our mild-mannered boy so enraged? Because someone heard his very old dad talk.

Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not to be the Bush who…

Tonight’s GOP primary debate in New Hampshire has succeeded despite itself as candidates attack each other while ABC moderators stand by, barely acknowledging their non-answers to the question prompts. One of those questions? “Who’s going to win tomorrow’s Super Bowl?” (None of the candidates offered even the most…

Jeb Bush, the former frontrunner for the Republican Presidential nomination, may have finally hit rock bottom. Fresh off his piss-baby performance at the last debate, Jeb has now transformed into your sad uncle who just wishes that he heard from the kids more often.

You ask a five-year-old to pretend she is a grownup doing a grown-up job, and she will furrow her brow into a stern expression, scrunch up her little mouth into a tight frown, and speak in a deepened, scolding tone of voice. It does a pretty good—and cute!—job of illustrating how a five-year-old perceives the…

Clay Travis of Fox Sports had a conversation with Jeb Bush that I don’t care to know more about, other than the part where he asked Bush if he smoked weed with Bill Belichick in high school. So, Jeb, did you ever light one up with Belichick? Ever smoked on that gas? Waked and baked? Celebrated 4:20? Sparked up the…