john Page 202 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lifting Weights Obsessively Helped Stafon Johnson Survive Nasty Weightlifting Accident
Dr. Gudata Hinika, trauma director at California Hospital Medical Center: "Had that been any one of us, meaning me, I would not have survived. His neck was so solid and so muscular, that actually helped maintain his airway." [LAT]...
Stafon Johnson's Prognosis Is Good
The USC tailback, hurt yesterday when a weight bar fell on his neck, underwent seven hours of throat surgery. He's in critical but stable condition. "We all feel a bit damaged today and injured," Pete Carroll said. [LA Times]...
USC Running Back In Horrific-Sounding Weight-Room Accident
"ESPN's Shell[e]y Smith is reporting USC RB Stafon Johnson has been taken to the hospital after a bar came down on his throat in the weight room. Johnson was coughing up blood." [CBS2]...
Is Our Children Learning (To Hate The Red Sox)?
All this talk about Obama's school speech and the indoctrination of students is ignoring the real dark power behind our educational system: Boston fans. Could one be in your child's school?...
Lambeau Leap Buddies Were Ochocinco Plants
What would you do if you learned that the greatest moment in Cincinnati Bengals history was a lie? Well, didn't the "coincidence" of three Bengal fans scoring front row tickets at Lambeau on Sunday seem too good to be true?...
St. John's Also Excited About Ambiguous Weather-Based Mascot
Our college sports teams are rocketing into the 21st Century on a wave of aggressive, overcaffeinated, lightning-themed spirit creatures. Why is that bird looking at me like that? Is he smiling or mad? Get out of my soul, winged devil!...
NFL Highlight Of The Week: Stokley's 'Miracle' Touchdown
Because the NFL has such a stingy rebroadcast policy, we've decided to recreate the week's best highlight using a white gerbil, a tree frog and actual game audio. Suspend disbelief....
Derrick Mason's Response To Keyshawn's Raven-Bashing: "You're The Bum!" (UPDATE)
Gifted trash talkers as they are, Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter's insults do not always prove true. After shitting all over Baltimore's offense by calling Joe Flacco "a bum," the Ravens exploded Sunday and fired back at the analysts....
Michael Jordan's Tears Do Not Prove He's Human
I was out last night so I didn't catch Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame induction speech until this morning, but it was pretty damn classic and incredibly moving, and no one seemed more moved by it than MJ himself....
If You Have A Heart Left, This Story Will Touch It
This one's for you cynical bastards, inured to a summer of miserable stories. With the death of a high school football player's grandmother, the only parent he ever knew, he gained two new foster fathers: his coaches....
Chauvinist Tennis Player Not Too Young To Admire Bobby Riggs
Fourth-round U.S. Open loser John Isner says the No. 1 female tennis player in the world couldn't beat the 700 or 800th best man. You've come a long way, baby....
John Madden Agrees To Work For NFL, Save Frank Caliendo's Career
The former broadcaster/coach, apparently bored with retirement already, has been hired as a "Special Advisor to the Commissioner." "See this right here? That's a four-game suspension for drug use. BAM!" [ProFootballWeekly]...
Ron Artest and John Green, Reunited At Last
Sports history was made today when professional crazy man Ron Artest and amateur famewhore John Green called into Detroit's "Drew and Mike" show at the same time, so they could talk about their friendship and simultaneously plug non-existent charity events....
Ron Artest And Palace Beer Thrower Become BFFs
Ron Artest says he tracked down John Green—the Detroit thug who threw a beer at him, sparking the worstfunnest night in NBA history—not so he could throttle him silly, but so they could team up for exciting adventures!...
Final Update: Red Rover, Red Rover, Hugh Johnson Is Over
For today at least. And somehow we made it through with only 70% of you realizing I know nothing about college football. Your final HJP of the day is below....
Update 2: Not All Technological Advancements Benefit Mankind
Now we're cookin'! Paulus choked (which should please you), Kenny Chesney sucks, and Lee Corso is frighteningly detailed....
Update 1: All Systems Go
In the words of jeremycham, "it has begun". Some good stuff to start, but we could have used a few more Greg Paulus references....
Guess Hugh's Back?
The Hugh Johnson Project, that is the one who is back!...
Two Of Kentucky's Greatest Minds Finally Meet
Yes, that's living giant and "You Tube Sports" reporter Kige Ramsey perched behind new Kentucky head coach John Calipari. If an audio clip of this conversation existed it'd be translated into 30 different languages and pored over for centuries. [FriendsOfTheProgram]...