last-night Page 26 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you realize that you're a myth and Bigfoot is real ... • Boxing: Heavyweights, Dominic "Fainting Spell" Guinn vs. Robert "The Missouri Migraine" Hawkins, Vancouver, British Columbia (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN2] • College football: Champs Sports Bowl, Boston College vs. Michigan State, Orlan...
About Last Night
What you missed while shoplifting eight giant red hot pickled sausages, stealing a doughnut truck and ramming a University of Wisconsin police car. Oh, and your name is Warren Whitelightning ... (with video) • Holiday Bowl: One For The Thumb ... Texas steamrolls ASU 51-34 despite Mack Brown's goofy ...
About Last Night
It's official: The animal revolt has begun ... • Motor City Bowl: The Boilermakers are on us. Purdue 51, Central Michigan 48. • NBA: The post-Scott Skiles Era in Chicago begins pretty much as you expected it might. • College basketball: Eddie Sutton is back. No, seriously, he's coaching again. Dude,...
About Last Night
What you missed while tracking tiny infant Jesus via satellite ... • NBA: And up on the rim there arose such a clatter, I awoke from my coma to see what was the matter. Lakers 122, Suns 115. • Brett Favre wins USSA Male Athlete of the Year, narrowly beating Tom Brady and Nightmare Ant ... • Horse ra...
About Last Night
What you missed while coughing up tinsel ... • NFL: Every time a bell rings, a Washington Redskins player gets his wings. • College football: Rock, a hula-baby, rock ... East Carolina 41, Boise State 38 • NHL: Boss Hossa ... Thrashers 3, Blues 2....
About Last Night...
What you missed while publicly executing Santa Claus... • NFL: Matt Moore was disrupted by printouts of ... your mom. Cowboys escape Carolina with a 20-13 win. • NCAA Football: Best two out of three then? BYU avenges regular season loss to UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl. • NCAA Basketball: Oregon loses ...
About Last Night...
What you missed while explaining the jerkoff motion to your co-workers... • NCAA Football: SCHNELL! SCHNELL! Florida Atlantic quickly builds a football program and wins a bowl game. • NHL: Pssh. Ancient Chinese secret. Calgary falls to Dallas in overtime. • NBA: Portland's win streak is at 10, they'...
About Last Night
What you missed while preparing for the Global Orgasm For Peace ... • NFL: Willie Parker will be able to use the handicapped parking space at Steelers practice all next week. Pittsburgh 41, St. Louis 24. • College football: Navy and Utah pound each other like the Monitor and the Merrimack until one ...
About Last Night
What you missed while voting for the Quote of the Year ... • NFL: Parcells hired by Miami as head of football operations. Clever Dolphins/Big Tuna headline in the works, will be ready by end of the day today. • NBA: Road trip! Boston loses at home for first time, to Pistons. Congressional hearing pl...
About Last Night
What you missed while visiting the baby otter ... • College basketball: Yes, it appears that Jayhawks Magic will extend through to at least February. Kansas 71, Georgie Tech 66. • NBA: I'm convinced that future generations will regard Sasha Vujacic as the greatest Laker of them all. LA 103, Chicago ...
About Last Night
What you missed while battling the Rodents of Unusual Size ... • NFL: Vikings win 20-13, oust Bears from playoff hunt. Mini-Ditka still alive, however. • NBA: Suns beat Spurs, and to add insult to injury they do it while wearing those funky orange-and-gray uniforms. • NHL: Red Wings beat Capitals 4-...
About Last Night
And now it's time for the Feats of Strength ... • NFL: Ravens should have beaten Patriots; Dolphins beat Ravens; therefore, Dolphins are as good as Patriots. • College basketball: The Tar Heels are 9-0, and Tyler Hansbrough has a headache. • NHL: Did the Sharks' Joe Thornton fire six shots, or only ...
About Last Night
What you missed while gettin' busy livin' ... • NFL: Shaun Hill is undefeated; third-string QB leads 49ers over Bengals. • NBA: Spurs top Nuggets in Duncan's return; Matt Bonner not impressed. • Div. III Football: ♫ Mt. Union goes falling down a-down to UW-Whitewater / That's cuz the Beaver learned ...
About Last Night
What you missed due to a slight hemorrhoid flareup ... • NFL: Hey, the Texans played the Broncos last night. Hey! Hello? Is this thing on? • NHL: Luke, I'm your father, eh. Turn to the dark side you hoser. Hemsky, Oilers end Red Wings' win streak, 4-3. • Actual headline: "Steroids Report Upstages Go...
About Last Night
Twas The Night Before The Mitchell Report, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring (LaRussa was soused) ... • Man, I really hope there's a George Mitchell action figure with "Special Envoy to Northern Ireland kung fu grip" under the Mitchel Report Tree tomorrow. — Hank Scorpio...
About Last Night
What you missed while composing The Ballad of Nick Saban (some lyrics NSFW) ... • NBA: Don Nelson says Warriors' win over Spurs deserves an asterisk. • MLB: Mad Max, Beyond Fukudome ... Cubs bolster outfield for only $48 million. • NHL: Dual hat tricks? Get Out! (Elaine shoves Jerry). Flyers 8, Peng...
About Last Night
What you missed while collecting your free $25 ... • NFL: Call off the dogs! ... um, I mean, Saints 34, Falcons 14. • NBA: This just in ... Knicks lose, blame their fans. • NHL: Former Paul McCartney band beats Predators 2-1....
About Last Night
What you missed while searching for your tortoise. "He's on foot — he couldn't have gotten far ..." • NFL: Still a lot of talk about 1984. But Orwell never predicted this. Colts 44, Ravens 20. • NBA: Laker voodoo still effective against Warriors. LA 123, Golden State 113. • Rangers beat Devils! Davi...
About Last Night
What you missed while discovering that White Russians and red wine make for a diabolical combination... • NBA: Josh Howard and Deron Williams put on a spectacular display of point accumulation. • CBB: Dayton stuns Louisville while my guitar Flubby gently weeps. • Boxing: Floyd Mayweathe, you magnifi...
About Last Night
What you missed while stumbling upon a ditch full of stumps... • NBA: The Wizards couldn't hang with the Suns, but at least I got to have a nice chat with my buddy Tony Brothers. • CBB: Virginia beat the Longwood Boners* but Mustapha Farrakhan was held scoreless in two minutes much to the dismay of ...