life Page 24 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Somebody Fucked With The Spurs Jesus

When Spurs Jesus got burglarized last month, he didn’t turn the other cheek, and he didn’t forgive his (literal) trespassor. Because he’s not actually Jesus, he’s just a weird San Antonio fan who pretends to be Christ. ...

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A Norwegian Hero Has Been Shitting In A Golf Club's Holes For A Decade

There are keyboard warriors out there, like myself, who will write all these words about how golf is a classist and racist and sexist and bullshit sport and how actually fuck that it’s not even a sport and how the easiest way to tell if you’re in the presence of a Grade-A, grass-fed fuckboy is to as...

Vladimir Putin Says His Homeboy Sepp Blatter Deserves A Nobel Prize

Since FIFA president Sepp Blatter won his first election in 1998, he has (allegedly! [lol]) both bribed and received bribes in order to stay in power and award desperate countries international tournaments. Along the way, he has actually and truly ravaged local economies by siphoning public money fo...

Boxer Cam Awesome Delivers Nutso Postfight Interview After Losing

Cam Awesome, né Lenroy Thompson, lost his semifinal bout tonight to Cuban heavyweight Lenier Pero but “won” the wacky postfight interview with ESPN, making references to himself being the “Taylor Swift of boxing” and insisting, as the way a man who changes his name to Awesome only can, that he was t...

Cards Fans Love Stadium Because "There Are Drugs In The Bathroom"

Here are some of baseball’s best fans ticking off what they love about the Cardinals’ stadium, including the bathrooms and the food. Wait, the bathrooms?...

Brad Ausmus Has His Ned Yost Moment

It’s been a disappointing season for the Detroit Tigers, who won 90 games last year and expected to be a playoff team again this season. After blowing a late lead and losing 11-9 to the Mariners last night, the Tigers’ record sits at 46-47, and there is talk about the team unloading talent at the tr...

Cops: Woman On LSD Crashed Car, Got Naked, Ran Near Kids' Softball Game

Nevada County, Cali. police arrested a 26-year-old woman Friday night after she allegedly crashed her vehicle, stripped naked, and ran around a field near children from a Christian youth camp playing softball....

How To Deal With Rude Neighbors

I used to live above a Chinese gambling den. The apartment was on 8th Avenue in the Sunset Park neighborhood of Brooklyn. After a work situation went sour, I was looking for a cheap place; the second-floor spot seemed clean and quiet when I looked at it. Come moving day, my new abode suddenly reeked...

Fight Between Bad Softball Dads Ends In Blood [Update]

We don’t really have much context for this video. According to the person who sent it to us, it took place before or after a girl’s softball game in Maryland, and the pre-fight argument seems to have something to do with one man’s daughter being kicked off the team. Anyway, these are very bad dads! ...

It Ain't A Tour De France Unless Some Dude's Ass Is Hanging Out

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That Water Is Colder Than It Looks

Current San Francisco Bay water temperature: 63°. Kruk & Kuip never fail to be amused by this....

Rodeo Enthusiasts Enjoy Rodeo [NSFW]

The Calgary Stampede is a massive rodeo/festival/shitshow which takes over the city every year. As seen in a video posted to Instagram on Wednesday, an unofficial side event featured a woman and two men vigorously going to town in what appears to be an alley....

Postman Flips His Shit Over Being Blocked By Tour De France

I get that it’s really annoying to have your mail route impeded by a massive bike race, especially when you’ve got “fuckin’ 80 kilos worth of post” to deliver. You just want to do your job, Angry Postman, and I can respect that. What definitely isn’t cool, though, is throwing tantrum that includes t...

How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear

Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having done so, and for the rime of authority it will lend to your future haughty pronouncements on the quality of others’ briskets. Do it because brisket—a massive cut of tough working musc...

This Jim Carrey Tweet Is The Best-Ever Tweet

Damn....

Cats: They're Bad

You walk into a cat house and you know it right away: A crazy person lives here. No amount of vacuuming, air-freshening, laundering, or outright bleaching will banish the insidious juniper reek of feline; a cat house smells like a cat house, and for this we can be grateful, because it lets us know n...

Cyclist Fight!

This happened just beyond the finish line at this weekend’s Longsjo Classic. Based on the bib numbers, the guy throwing the punches is named Jerome Townsend, and the dude getting popped is named Dave Warner....

Terry Francona Says He Ate 17 Popsicles In One Night

This Sunday, I bought a box of popsicles and ended up eating six of them that night, which seemed like overkill at the time. Indians manager Terry Francona made me feel better when he revealed he ate 17 in one night....

Why Should LeBron James Let David Blatt Pretend To Be The Coach?

ESPN.com has produced a piece of exceptional reporting on Cleveland’s run through the NBA Finals, with reporter Marc Stein coming away from the series with a notebook stuffed full of telling details about how LeBron James not only dragged a raft of corpses within touching distance of a championship,...