life Page 26 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tim Howard Kinda Just Chills With His Hands Down, Watches Goal Go In
I know. I know. It was a great goal from Dynamo Kiev's Andriy Yarmolenko. Someone should've, could've stepped to the ball, at some point. Tim Howard probably couldn't have gotten to it anyway. I know. That's all out of the way....
Failure To Pay Office Pool Winnings Leads To Sad, Overwrought Email
This overwrought email, sent by the winner of a March Madness office pool to the irresponsible pool administrator who was dragging his or her feet with payouts, comes to us from a tipster who tells us that he dusts it off every March for a good chuckle. We don't blame him....
WGN Has Woman Make Sparks With Her Crotch In Front Of Awestruck Kids
This wonderful moment in local news history was broadcast recently on Chicago's WGN. Please note the children in the background....
How To Make Mashed Cauliflower, Because It Goddamn Tastes Great
This article originally appeared on October 12, 2013. I'm republishing it today because I went on an insane cauliflower kick this week, and also for the lesser reason that I couldn't find good ingredients for what I wanted to cook. If you're looking for something especially St. Patrick's Day-ish, ...
South African Reporter Mugged On Camera
Vuyo Mvoko of SABC News was preparing for an on-the-scene report in Johannesburg when three goons walked up to him and his film crew and took all their stuff....
Sad Derrick Rose Shrine Even Sadder After Being Vandalized
Remember that incredibly sad Derrick Rose shrine we told you about yesterday? Well, the only thing sadder than a shrine to a still living basketball player under an underpass is a vandalized shrine to a still living basketball player under an underpass. David Beltran and Brendan Carroll—the two ar...
Chicago Artist's Shrine To Derrick Rose Is The Saddest
It's a common human response to erect shrines and murals in public spaces commemorating fallen heroes. One Chicago artist felt particularly moved by Derrick Rose's umpteenth injury to create one in his memory, replete with the point guard's visage wearing a crown of thorns, crutches and knee pads la...
NRA Secretly Backs Group Aiming To Save Elephants Now, Kill Them Later
A couple of weeks ago, a group called the Elephant Protection Association (EPA) sent an email to a Maryland woman with elephant-hugging tendencies after she'd registered for membership online. There was an important measure coming before the General Assembly in Annapolis, HB713, which would restr...
Whiny Harvard Student Gets Skewered In Devastating Email
In the old days, disputes between Harvard students were settled one of three ways: pistols at dawn, a scullerman's joust, or trial by mayonnaise. Things have changed, though, and now the distinguished men of Harvard engage in combat like most millennials do: by sending unbearably long emails to ea...
How To Make Arrabbiata Sauce, The Angriest, Loveliest Sauce Of All
Picture, in your mind, a mundane interaction between any two regular, essentially happy Italian people. One purchasing a packet of chewing gum from the other, for example. Can you picture it? The screaming, the wild gesticulating, the red faces, the flashing whites of crazed eyes and bared teet...
How To Tell If You're Being A Crank On The Internet, And How To Stop
Man, you sure are het up! Agitated. Can you believe these goddamn coddled athletes/P.C. Police/Now Finaglin' Cheatriots/Twitter-celebrated pop stars of possibly dubious talent/people talking about the colors on a dress when we haven't even solved all The Problems yet? I mean, cheese and rice! ...
This DJ Who Interviewed Bobby Brown's Nephew Is The Actual Antichrist
Before we get into this, I just want to state for the record and for my mother that I am of the opinion that this video is actually too raw for Deadspin. We've published real, actual porn on Deadspin. We've published scores of dicks, and some vaginas besides, and a respectable amount of butt action ...
How To Make Soft-Boiled Eggs: A Minute To Learn, Two Minutes To Master
The weird thing about soft-boiled eggs is the widespread misconception that they're so much trickier to make than their hard-boiled brethren. Done right, they're really not much trickier at all. Easier than stuffing 1,200 words of padding into an instructional blog post about making them, that's for...
How To Quit Your Job To Be A Better Feminist (And Parent)
Four years ago, I quit my high-profile, lucrative law job. ...
Dude Nearly Chokes On Fake Tooth While Filming Himself Play Video Games
I don't totally understand why gamers seem to be so into filming themselves while they play video games these days, but after coming across this wonderful moment in human history, I am very glad that they do so....
How To Suck Up To Your Terrible Boss
In the abyss of degradation that is the modern office, pretending to respect your boss is one of the more difficult tasks you might face. He or she controls your paycheck, dictates what hours you're chained to your desk, and calls pointless meetings just to hear his own voice with different acoust...
How To Cook Valentine's Day Dinner, Like You Damn Well Should
The first thing to know about cooking for Valentine's Day is that the list of occasion-appropriate food preparations you'll find below was made in consultation with a woman, the only blemish on whose otherwise immaculate record of good taste and judgment is her baffling and indefensible decision to ...
Cow Headbutted, Probably To Death
Fair warning: if you click play on the video above, you are going to see a ram headbutt a cow, and I'm pretty sure the cow dies. The cow might just be knocked out, but it could also be dead! What's important is that you now have all the information necessary to make an informed decision about whethe...
High-Speed Chase Ends With Civilians Dishing Out Street Justice
Police got into a high-speed pursuit with a robbery suspect in Dallas today, and the chase ended when the suspect slammed into a line of cars at a stop light. That's when he was apprehended not by police officers, but by a road-raging couple who were not about to let some asshole just get away with ...
How To Cook Broccoli, On Purpose, And Enjoy It, Which Is Possible
Broccoli is good. No, it is! Good for you, sure, yes, high in fiber and vitamin C and some things called carotenoids that I'm pretty sure were the bad guys in The Fifth Element? But also they are supposed to have antioxidant properties, which means they make you immune to rust....