life Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Auld Lad At Ireland Bookie Shop Thwarts Three Armed Robbers
There may come a time in life when you’re 83 years old and posted up at the bookies in Glanmire, Ireland, enjoying the retired life. When three men wielding hammers and a gun barge in, what will you do? “You can either run and hide or take a stand and I took a stand,” was the answer that Denis O’Co...
Colorado Sports Fan's Plan To Rob Vape Store Falls Apart After He Drops Gun And Pants
This guy here, by appearances an avid Broncos and Rockies fan, spectacularly failed to rob an E-Cig of Denver store in Colorado on Sept. 2. Fumbling his gun over the counter was a bad start, and failing to secure his pants was a bad follow-up, although he did redeem himself somewhat with a super coo...
Pitt Assistant Coach Says He Hasn't Left His Office Since Losing To Penn State, Prefers Flat Soda
Penn State trounced Pitt 51-6 last weekend, and nobody is taking that loss harder than Panthers tight ends coach Tim Salem. Fueled by a steady diet of carbonation-free, ice-cold chartreuse soda, Salem has spent the last few days in his office grinding non-stop. He hasn’t really slept at all, presuma...
If You Don't Want To Watch A Man Shoot Out A Turd Into A Toilet From Way Downtown, Here's A Summary<em></em>
The camera is facing a toilet....
Eagles Fans Boo Defending Super Bowl Champs Off Field At Halftime
The Philadelphia Eagles unveiled their Super Bowl banner tonight. Thirty minutes of game action later, Philadelphia fans booed the team off the field....
People Are Destroying Their Nike Gear Because Of Colin Kaepernick
Colin Kaepernick is the new face of a Nike ad campaign. As you might imagine, this has really angered the type of people who have said, “I’m a Christian first, and a conservative second” out loud at the dinner table. And if there’s one thing you can expect from these people, it’s that they will go a...
I Have The Worst Pet Peeve
Okay. Okay. So. An ugly and kind of dumb but real thing that sometimes happens in the life of a more-or-less normal person is, you had the idea that you and your longtime pal Hubert were meeting up for Special Pal Beers together, like in old times, just the two old pals, but then you find out that y...
Olympic Champion Swimmer Uses Dogsitter, Comes Home To Find Two Shirtless Guys On Couch With Lube And Camera
Former Olympic swimmer and two-time gold medalist Klete Keller used the app Wag to find a dogsitter, and very much regretted it when he came home to find two shirtless men on his couch with “personal lubricant” and a camera....
Alleged Thief Crashes Stolen Truck Full Of Paint, Ends Up Covered In Paint
Workers closed a lane on the 100 block of South Queen Street in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, yesterday morning. They could not have possibly predicted what would end up happening as a result....
UFC Fighter Bryce Mitchell Drilled His Nuts Apart
“So i was gunna train today but i ripped my nutsack in half,” begins a Homeric Facebook post by UFC featherweight Bryce Mitchell. This is the “A screaming comes across the sky” of our time. ...
Victim Of Golf-Course Finger Biting Said It Sounded "Like Someone Chewing On A Dorito"
Derek Harkins, a 46-year-old Massachusetts man, was arraigned in Plymouth District Court on Monday on charges of assault and battery, mayhem, and disturbing the peace, after he allegedly bit off another man’s finger while trying to enjoy a golf outing....
Behold, Tomato Time Is Suddenly Upon You
A very long time ago (2015), our old buddy Tom Scocca posited, convincingly, that there are eight distinct seasons. This part of the year, from August through mid-September, he calls “Yellow Summer,” and ranks as the fifth-best season, which seems fine. After all, it’s muggy and buzzy and gross outs...
The Phillies Are Going To Miss The Playoffs Because They Keep Losing To The Mets
The Phillies played a marquee game on national cable last night, so of course they lost, falling 8-2 to the Mets in the 2018 MLB Little League Classic in Williamsport and losing a chance to climb back into first in the NL East. The Phillies lost 3 of 5 in the series, bringing them to 5-8 against the...
Man Bites It
So this happened tonight, on FOX Sports South. Watch it endlessly, for it will never stop being hilarious....
A Brief Blog About Putting Lunch On Your Head
Here’s Miami Marlins first base coach Perry Hill, wearing a soggy leaf of lettuce under his batting helmet to stay cool during yesterday’s sweltering afternoon game against the Atlanta Braves:...
Brain Worms Drive Hundreds Of Unfortunate Buckeyes Fans To Gather For Urban Meyer Rally
Ohio State head football coach Urban Meyer is currently on indefinite paid administrative leave while the university completes an investigation of reports that he knew of but did nothing about domestic violence allegations against assistant coach Zach Smith. Meyer is not dead; he is not in jail; he ...
Kidnapped Shark Found Safe; Thief Confesses To Stealing Her To Replace His Old Shark
We have a very happy update for you in the case of Helen, the horn shark who was the subject of a daring stroller heist this weekend at the San Antonio Aquarium. Not only has Helen been found, but she appears to have been lovingly cared for by her captor, who stole her in the first place because he ...
Cops: Trio Stole Shark By Swaddling It Like A Baby, Pushing It Out In A Stroller<em></em>
If you saw a baby being pushed in a stroller near the San Antonio aquarium on Saturday afternoon, guess what, it might have been a shark. According to Leon Valley police chief Joseph Salvaggio, three enterprising shark thieves made off with a three-foot long horn shark around 2:15 p.m. on Saturday a...
National Anthem Controversies Don't Get More Soul-Sucking Than This
Here is a story from the Alaskan hinterlands about an extremely shitty woman who tried to shame a college summer league baseball player and his team on Facebook for failing to properly respect the national anthem. That such a woman exists and would act in such a way is neither surprising nor all tha...
How I Became A Wizard, By Dwight Howard, Age 7
Last year, the Washington Wizards underperformed both out of sheer ingrained habit and because some of the most important people on the team just absolutely fucking hated some of the other most important people on the team. On Monday, the team introduced Dwight Howard, the veteran big man that the t...