lifes-rich-pageant Page 22 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Report: Naked Man Ransacks SPEED Network Offices After Break-In
Police in Charlotte said the nude dude broke into the building sometime this morning. He tore stuff from the walls, dumped trash cans on the floor, and broke trophies by knocking them over. He then dashed outside and started running down the street before being apprehended. Also? "A SPEED security g...

Using Weed To Pay For A Cab Ride In Front Of Cops Is Never A Good Idea
Just, you know, FYI. Because Michael Medvec, a 23-year-old Philly resident, tried it last Friday night, when he didn't have the eight bucks he needed to pay the fare back to his apartment. Let's read along with the Philadelphia Daily News, which got the deets from Philly police captain Brian Korn:...

Did You Know? Deer Fight Like Idiots
Mike Simundson, a photographer for Keloland TV, captured this deer fight in a Sioux Falls, S.D., park last week. The technique: slap the shit out of each other and slowly back your opponent into a set of bleacher seats. You'll never lose another deer fight again....

It's An Enthusiastic Crowd At Rogers Centre Tonight, Especially These Two Blue Jays Fans Who Got A Bit Handjobby
Blowjob pantomimes are so passé. I mean, you can find them in hockey, in baseball, and even college football. For the new wave, we must look to Canada....

Golfer Jason Dufner Appears To Be Having A Lot Of Fun Visiting These Kids In Dallas
Jason Dufner won the 2012 Byron Nelson Championship in Irving, Texas, and today he was back in the area, in Dallas, for the kick-off luncheon for the 2013 event. And, from the looks of it, he had a blast....

Four High School Basketball Players Suspended For "Their Involvement In Pouring Urine" In The Other Team's Water Cooler
Great euphemisms in this one, a story about a basketball player peeing, into a cup probably, and her friends pouring the pee into their rival's water cooler prior to a basketball game between the schools....

Supposedly Dead MMA Fighter Robs Gun Store From Beyond The Grave
Today in great ledes, this one courtesy of the Associated Press: ...

Picking Your Nose On Television Is Not A Violation Of BYU's Honor Code
Hot on the heels of a fervent nationally-broadcast nosepicker, a BYU fan is running with the nostril-spelunking baton. Last night's NIT bout in Provo between the Cougars and Washington turned out to be a snoozer, but even early on this gentleman was more interested in his own sneezer....

Spring Breakers Arrested On Camera For Being Spring Breakers: "Roll Tide!"
This just might might be the most unintentionally hilarious important newscast of the year. It was the top story this morning on WJHG, the NBC affiliate in Panama City, Fla., and it's easy to see why: The arrest of "dozens" of people for the dastardly crimes of being young underage drinking and havi...
!["Absolutely Brazen" Woman Steals Two Police Cars In Two Cities In Two States [Updated With Photo And Video]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18gknmk5qe9zmjpg.jpg)
"Absolutely Brazen" Woman Steals Two Police Cars In Two Cities In Two States [Updated With Photo And Video]
Florida? Ohio? Wrong! This one happened in both New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and in the neighboring cities of Camden and Philadelphia. It began with a cop in Camden making a routine traffic stop for a vehicle violation just before 10 a.m., only to have his unattended cruiser stolen by a man and a wo...

Thief Breaks Into Popeye's, Eats 16 Slices Of Pie, Gets Tired From Eating All The Pie, Takes Nap, Gets Arrested
A enterprising and hungry man recently committed maybe the most agreeable crime in the history of Baltimore, and surely tested the limits of the Baltimore PD's tactical command units in the process, by breaking into a Popeye's, committing a daring robbery, and then......

Entire School District Locked Down Because Someone Misheard A Fresh Prince Lyric
Life got flip-turned upside down this morning in a suburban Pittsburgh school district. Everyone was chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool—at least until a doctor's office employee called a 19-year-old high school student to confirm an appointment. When the employee heard the student's outgoing v...

Guy Who Ran Onto The Court During A Toronto Raptors Game Wearing "Bucket List" Shirt Has Super-Lame Bucket List
Last night, a fan interrupted the Knicks-Raptors game in Toronto—during the fourth quarter, when the teams was within two—by running out on to the court and circling around a bit. His foray was short lived, as you can see in the photo above, and we salute the quick work of security personnel at the ...

As Charl Schwartzel Lined Up His Birdie Attempt At 17, A Couple In The Gallery Got Fingerbang-y
While the 2011 Masters remains South African golfer Charl Schwartzel's sole PGA Tour win, he hasn't exactly faded to obscurity like many other recent one-and-done major winners. Indeed, Schwartzel found himself a stroke away from a playoff at this weekend's Northern Trust Open in California, a mis...

Pitch Invader Rushes Onto Field During Argentina-Sweden Match, Kisses Lionel Messi
While the U.S. was busy losing to Honduras in a vital World Cup qualifying match, other nations around the globe spent their Wednesday engaged in international friendly matches. One such bout became especially friendly, as Argentina's road trip to Sweden turned romantic when a Barcelona jersey-cla...

WSU Football Player Arrested After "Shoving Two Bottles Of Tequila Down His Pants" In A Daring Robbery Attempt
Washington State redshirt freshman Drew Loftus had a plan. He was "exhibiting signs of intoxication," so it was one of those plans, but it was still a plan: He would bide his time during the evening. Maybe have a couple extra drinks, to take the edge off. Wait until about 1 a.m—just when they least...