Who would do this? And why? Drew Magary would, was the thing, and was gonna, and I’d rather die than let his rankings speak for the site and wind up with history recording that the place where I work said “R&B/Soul” was the second-best Looney Tunes character of all time. So we turned it into a scientific-y group…

Today is my last day at Deadspin after seven years of forcing you to watch dumb shit I saw on TV. To commemorate my departure, I went through all 5,128 animated GIFs I created during my tenure here to select, and rank, the best of them.

There’s not much happening besides baseball right now, but that’s okay. It’s a great sport because every single pitch is an opportunity to see a new, weird thing.

It’s springtime. Tender bright green shoots of grass are poking through the dead winter earth, squinting people are venturing outside to revel in the warm weather, and parks are beginning to fill up with all sorts of recreational activities. Here is a list of games you can play on grass, in descending order of how fun…

Opening Day begins in less than one hour, and we have been blessed with 30 team marketing slogans and emojis to celebrate. Ranked:

Clearly the End is nigh. With that in mind, and while tooling around with the NUKEMAP, the Deadspin staff discussed various apocalyptic death scenarios today, to determine which ones seem good. Here is a ranked list of some—not all!—apocalyptic death scenarios, in order from best to worst.

Lots of actors get paid “big money” to play badasses in Hollywood movies. How many of these actors are actually badasses in real life?

For some people, the Olympics are about athleticism, national pride, the drama of the human spirit, and all that jazz. For them, my ranking of every single Olympic medal event is a handy primer for what’s worth paying attention to.

The past was awful. It was a time of choleric ignoramuses flopping around in their own shit and killing each other for entertainment. I feel bad for everyone who lived before today.

Inspired by our friends at Vice Sports, we wanted to write paeans to our favorite sports-adjacent tweets. These are not necessarily the best tweets, but they are the tweets that, for one reason or another, have always stuck with us.

I have three kids. They don’t fucking listen. One day, God as my witness, they will listen. They will stop, turn around, not talk for five seconds, and say to me, “Wow, I never thought of it that way before. Thanks, Dad!” I swear it will happen. I will destroy entire countries if I have to make it so. But until then,…

Hey, Father’s Day is on Sunday! Wait, you are saying, suddenly even more sweaty, confused, and anachronistic than usual—aren’t we in April? Aren’t we in April of 2013? No, we are not in April of 2013. We are in June of ... [fumbles with phone for five embarrassing minutes] oh, wow, 2015! that’s bananas! ... and…

Yesterday, a New York City man accidentally dropped his keys through a sidewalk subway grate, then fell to the bottom of the shaft when he tried to retrieve them, thus experiencing in short order at least two common fears of city life. In response, The Awl and Gothamist compiled lists of every New Yorker’s worst…

The Simpsons has been a lousy, vaguely depressing hood ornament for FOX for far longer, by now, than it ever was a good TV show, but when it was a good TV show, it was among the greatest television comedies ever made. Harry Shearer, the brilliant comedic and voice actor who announced his departure from the show…

Many people like to rank things. Many people think that the correct way to present a ranked list is to organize the items on it from worst-to-best, and are wrong. Here is a helpful list of reasons why ranking things best-to-worst is better.