mad Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
"Poo Jogger" Caught In The Act
It’s a story as old as time: A man was taking poops where he wasn’t supposed to, and his neighbors have caught him in an elaborate sting operation by hiding in the bushes with a camera....
Doctors Say Liverpool Keeper Suffered Concussion During Champions League Final
Liverpool goalkeeper Loris Karius flew to Boston last week in order to undergo testing for a possible concussion some speculated he’d suffered just moments before the first of two monumental errors that more or less decided the Champions League final in Real Madrid’s favor. Today, the doctors who pe...
Zinedine Zidane, The Perfect Real Madrid Manager, Left In Perfect Style
In the mother of all mic drops, Zinedine Zidane called a snap press conference today and announced that he was quitting his post as manager of Real Madrid, mere days after winning his record-setting third Champions League trophy in a row. It was the perfect cap to a perfect marriage of coach and clu...
Real Madrid Manager Zinedine Zidane Abruptly Resigns Days After Winning The Champions League
Less than a week after leading Real Madrid to their third consecutive Champions League title in a 3-1 win over Liverpool on Saturday, manager Zinedine Zidane announced today in a shocking press conference that he was stepping down from the club....
The Best Club In The World Is Real Madrid
Three Champions League titles in a row. Four such trophies in five years. The plain facts of Real Madrid’s astounding recent run in soccer’s most prestigious club competition means this Madrid team will go down in the sport’s history as maybe the single best exemplar of opulent, unimpeachable succes...
Reports: Dislocated Shoulder Could Knock Mohamed Salah Out Of The World Cup
Saturday’s Champions League final was a feverish, spectacular affair featuring memorable feats of athleticism, an even more memorable all-time boner, and a perfectly timed idiot on the pitch. The match was pretty significantly marred, though, by a first half injury to world-destroying goal-bot Moham...
ESPN Deportes Announcers Are Losing Their Minds In The Champions League Final
Loris Karius’s embarrassing blunder that led to the opening goal in today’s Champions League final may have put Real Madrid up for a short-lived 1-0 lead, but it’s a moment ESPN Deportes announcers appear they will remember for the rest of their lives:...
Dominic Thiem Did All The Dirty Work And Claimed None Of The Glory
Assume by default that Rafael Nadal wins any big event on clay. Take it as a given that his teeth are pressing into the trophy well before the first match gets underway. This has been true for many long swaths of the last decade, but it has maybe never been truer than right now, with Rafa still bull...
Dominic Thiem Resists Clay Colossus Rafael Nadal, Ends 50-Set Streak
Rafael Nadal’s incomprehensible streak of consecutive sets won on clay has ended at 50. And it was ended by the last person to have scraped a set off him on the surface, a full 51 weeks ago: Dominic Thiem. The upset demanded huge hitting from the world No. 7, who has had a somewhat uninspired week...
Rafael Nadal Eats Clay Three Square Meals A Day And Also Has It For Dessert
Does Rafael Nadal live in clay? He may. Is it where he likes to play? Yea—he has owned it for his entire career, and that dominance was made even clearer two weeks ago when he finally took the record for most consecutive sets won on clay. Today he claimed his 21st straight victim on the red stuff, a...
Rafael Nadal Catches Shit For Supporting Rival Soccer Clubs
Rafael Nadal is roughly midway through his clay-court rampage, having lengthened his consecutive set streak to a record 46, and just had some time off between tournaments in Barcelona and Madrid. He spent some of that precious downtime watching soccer, which he loves deeply....
Barcelona And Real Madrid Combined For One Exquisitely Dumb <i>Clásico</i>
Spain’s El Clásico remains the biggest and best rivalry in all of soccer. Especially during the last decade, when matches between Barcelona and Real Madrid practically always meant matches between two historically great teams who desired nothing more than to stick a shiv into their most hated foes’ ...
Liverpool Lose By Enough To Win Their Way Into The Champions League Final
Continuing this year’s Champions League tradition of first-leg beatdowns followed by second-leg borderline meltdowns, Liverpool lost to Roma today by a score of 4-2 but still won the tie. They will now meet Real Madrid in the final in Kiev on May 26th....
Blame Bayern Munich, And All The Rest Of Them
If, after watching Bayern Munich’s appalling display of simultaneous superiority and ineptitude that granted the evil white empire of Real Madrid entry to the Champions League final, you found it a little difficult to maintain the furious, righteous anger in your belly once you saw the agonizing, te...
Historically Horrendous Boner By Bayern Munich's Keeper Gifts Real Madrid A Goal
If ever there were any doubt that Real Madrid are the luckiest team in the history of the world, this staggering gaffe by Bayern Munich’s Sven Ulreich that set up Karim Benzema for the easiest goal he’ll ever score in his life should remove all doubt:...
Soulless Avatars Of Late Capitalism Set Up Nicely To Acquire Another European Cup
European Soccer Market (ESM) analysts the world over are still abuzz about the big step Real Madrid (ESM:RMD) took on their path to consolidating their ownership of the European Cup for the third consecutive year....
Shocking Video Reveals That Ronaldo And Messi Have Different Personalities
Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi. It’s an argument as old as time itself, with diehard fans of these two all-time greats throwing out stats and facts in support of their preferred candidate to make their case for superiority—Messianiacs pointing to his better scoring record, his better passing, hi...
Juventus Almost Pull Off Amazing Comeback Before Real Madrid Rip Out Their Hearts
Everything was going perfectly for Juventus. After losing the first leg of their Champions League tie against Real Madrid at home last week, today they went to Madrid and flipped the script, somehow scoring three unanswered goals an hour into the match. Just seconds away from dragging the match into...
Madison Brengle Sues WTA For "Physical Injury, Emotional Trauma" Caused By Intravenous Doping Tests
American tennis player Madison Brengle filed a lawsuit against the WTA and ITF yesterday in Florida’s Manatee County Court, in which she claims the organizations ignored her medical condition that causes her to suffer “physical and emotional consequences” from regular doping tests that draw blood u...
Cristiano Ronaldo Executes Juventus With Gorgeous, Leaping Bicycle Kick Goal
In his long and illustrious career, Cristiano Ronaldo has won a billion trophies and scored a zillion goals. Today, just now, at the ripe old age of 33, he has scored one of his most sensational, athletic, instantly iconic goals in Real Madrid’s Champions League match against Juventus:...