minnesota Page 76 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kirby Puckett Suffers Stroke
I've gotta bring you some sad news to bring you this afternoon. The Minnesota Twins have announced that hall of fame centerfielder Kirby Puckett has suffered a stroke and is undergoing surgery in Arizona....
The Sex Boat Story Will Never Go Away. Awesome.
Is it possible to ever get tired of the Vikings sex boat story? We think it's not. We're pretty sure, actually....
Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Bob Sansevere
The St. Paul Pioneer-Press has an annual contest called "Average Joe Columnist," in which a field of 16 non-journalists submit sports articles, and are judged American Idol-style by sports editor Mike Bass and columnist Bob Sansevere. The latter, it seems, fancies himself in the Simon Cowell role — ...
The Pain Of Kevin Garnett's Adidas Commercial
If you're like us, you're thoroughly depressed by the Kevin Garnett Adidas commercials running right now, specifically the "standup comedy" segment, which makes Garnett look like, as Free Darko puts it, "the loneliest man alive."...
What Could Be The Greatest Sports Story Ever
The man you see in this picture is Kevin Rogers. A football lifer, he is most famous for being Donovan McNabb's quarterback coach at Syracuse. He and his wife Betty are the parents of three. Earlier today, Rogers was hired by new coach Brad Childress to become the quarterbacks coach for the Minnes...
New Vikings Coach Sporting Rare Mustache/Baldness Combo
Today, the Minnesota Vikings will announce that Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress will be their new coach, or, if you can't resist making the same joke everybody else is making this morning, captain of their ship. Childress has been with the Eagles for seven years, and, having seen Requi...
Culpepper: Lap Dances? Who, Me?
We don't want to overstate — and it probably won't happen, anyway — but if Vikings sex boat gods Daunte Culpepper and Bryant McKinnie get their way, we might be in for the real trial of the century....
You're Doing A Heckuva Job, Ticey
Imagine, if you will, Ron Artest blasting fans for getting in fights, or Damon Stoudamire organizing a protest against High Times, or Fred Smoot screaming at those who would use contraptions to "please" two women who happened to be lying prostrate on the deck of a boat. Hypothetically speaking....
Fred Smoot Is Depressed
Well, here's a surprise: Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot has had a little different first year with the Vikings than he initially thought he would. (Not to be crude, but, uh, "holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women" is a phrase tha...
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
To Watch Tonight...
• NFL. Atlanta @ Chicago. If you'd like to watch a quality football game sometime over the next 36 hours, I suggest you enjoy this one. The Monday Night game is Baltimore vs. Green Bay. • NHL. San Jose @ Anaheim. It's always fun when Original Six teams go at it. Wait, San Jose and Anaheim weren't Or...
Clearing The 1 o'clock Table...
• Chargers 26, Colts 17. This advice may be a little late, but I really think Tony Dungy should've rested people this week. • Pittsburgh 18, Minnesota 3. Pretty poor performance at home today by the Vikings, especially in a game they needed. They went down like Bryant McKinnie. • Seahawks 28, Titans...
Pittsburgh Leading The Other Relevant Game
The Steelers have a 7-point lead in the only other relevant game being played at 1 o'clock. Ben Roethlisberger scored on a 12-minute 3-yard touchdown run for the Steelers....
Setting The 1 o'clock Table...
• San Diego @ Indianapolis. Today, they settle it once and for all: Manning or Leaf? • Pittsburgh @ Minnesota. It's too bad that Minnesota only plays once today, because Fred Smoot really prefers the doubleheader. Major playoff implications here. • Arizona @ Houston. Because Christmas is a time when...
Your Takes On The Sex Boat Wrapup
We love doing this site, but, to be honest, what we might love the most are you, the readers. Your comments are the highlights of our days, and not just because you're funnier than we are. We thought we'd take this opportunity to showcase our personal favorite slices of hilarity from today's earli...
The Full Report On The Sex Boat
So, hey, anybody else actually dug into these whole Vikings criminal complaints, the ones The Smoking Gun grabbed? If you haven't yet, we suggest you do, because it's even more entertaining than you thought. But, we understand, you're very busy at work today. So allow us to help you out. We've dug...
Sex Boat Case Sails Off
It's a sad day when you can't take your rookie teammates out for a little Lake Minnetonka party with a bunch of whores. This goddamned Internet is invading everybody's privacy....
NFL Roundup: Bengal Breakthrough
• As Arizona Cardinals fans, we always wonder what the day will be like when, after years of torture, our team finally breaks through and shows they're serious about this whole winning business. It must have been that exciting for Bengals fans yesterday. Realize: A baby born the last time the Beng...
We Apologize In Advance ... But MORE CHEERLEADERS!
We know we implied yesterday that we were just about done with this whole Carolina cheerleader thing, but, you see, we just ... can't ... tear ourselves ... away. We suspect you understand....
Don't Forget About The Sex Cruise!
While the rest of us sully our filthy little minds with stories of lesbian cheerleaders, The Mighty MJD is keeping his eyes on the prize of the whole Vikings sex boat story. (How quickly we forget ...)...