minor-enterprise Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It's Professional Naked Lady Bobblehead Night
The Las Vegas 51s gave away bobbleheads of Holly Madison, the number one gal in Hugh Hefner's harem. A bobblehead? I can't masturbate to that. [Rick Chandler]...
Greatest Minor League Promotion Ever Ruined By Wrath Of Tebow
The Fort Myers Miracle planned to pay homage to that miracle-maker Tim Tebow tonight, but what happened instead? Try an approaching tornado, an aborted circumcision, and a cease-and-desist letter from UF. God does not take kindly to your mockery....
Women, Children Frightened By Giant Hamburger
The official unveiling of the West Michigan Whitecaps' immense 5,000-calorie Fifth Third Burger on Thursday stirred up a variety of emotions, but the following quote is by far my favorite:...
If You've Eaten A Four-Pound Burger, Of Course You'll Need A Giant Plunger
Still grappling with the media frenzy over its monstrous 5,000-calorie burger, the West Michigan Whitecaps, masters of the metaphor, have installed a giant plunger in the outfield that squirts water on fans....
Minor League Team Invites You To Watch A Game FROM A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER
If your lifelong dream has been to watch a minor league baseball game from a 1978 GMC van parked just beyond the outfield near a major river, then you're in luck, my fat motivational-speaking friend....
Use All Of These You Want, You're Not Going To Help Sabathia
As is befitting a team with a mascot named Thunder, the Lake Elsinore Storm (Class A, California League) is giving out free samples of Subtle Butt anti-fart shields at their weekly all-you-can-eat Tuesday home games....
Sorry, BlueClaws' 'Kids Eat Free' Promotion Does Not Include Beer
What minor league baseball team dares to feed your kids for free at every 2009 home game? The Lakewood BlueClaws. Take that, stupid economy....
Mets Welcome Redundant, Gramatically Questionable Triple-A Team
The New York Mets' Triple-A affiliate is now located in Buffalo, where it had been previously associated with the Cleveland Indians. But, I thought the plural of Bison was Bison? [New York Daily News]...
If A Game Lasts Longer Than Four Hours, Please Consult Your Doctor
A reader writes: "Hey guys, So I hate to have to play the "penis" card here, but somebody down in North Carolina needs to be admonished for selecting a logo with some very Freudian undertones."...
Experience The Fun Of Minnesota's U.S. Senate Election Recount With The St. Paul Saints
Here's comedian and senatorial candidate Al Franken throwing out the first pitch at a St. Paul Saints game earlier this season. It was a wise move on Mr. Franken's part, considering that the Saints' attendance that day was 12,450, and he's currently trailing in his U.S. Senate recount with Norm Cole...
Ill-Tempered Apple Calls Out Nightmare Ant In Fort Wayne Mascot Showdown
No, this isn't a peyote flashback; the above image is of a real minor league baseball mascot. This as-yet-unnamed, furious-looking apple represents the Fort Wayne TinCaps, the newest member of the Class-A Midwest League. You may know Fort Wayne as home of the Fort Wayne Mad Ants, an Indiana Pacers D...
Come Help The Jamestown Jammers Salute Slightly Flawed Things
If you can't make it out to see the New York Giants take on the New England Patriots in tonight's preseason game, why not do the next best thing?* The Jamestown Jammers minor league baseball team (Class A New York-Penn League) is holding its gala "Saltute to Imperfection Night" at Diethrick Park, wh...
Jacko Turns 50, Hockey Night, And The Political Incorrectness Of Midget Wrestling
And so we come to the close of another Minor League Baseball season. And what a season it's been: We watched babies enjoying beer, were introduced to the magical wonders of Wizard Cat, and thrilled to the antics of a giant, dancing taco. The Macon Music announced with great fanfare, and then cancell...
It's Over: Minor League Baseball Gives One Candidate The Nod
We have a new President. I suppose they'll go on with these convention thingees anyway, because the deposit on the arenas are non-refundable. But we know who's going to win. Minor league teams in six cities handed out bobbleheads of the two Presidential candidates during special promotions last week...
Bobblection Week 2008: They Bobble, You Decide
Although the bobblehead craze has pretty much swept the globe, countries generally do not use them to select their leaders; well, except for Spain. But perhaps they should. In 2004, a series of Minor League Baseball bobblehead promotions correctly predicted the U.S. Presidential Election, when other...
William Hung Tells All
And she bangs, she bangs/Oh baby When she moves, she moves/I go crazy 'Cause she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee/Like every girl in history/She bangs, she bangs ... It had to be this way: Minor League Baseball and the career of William Hung, hopelessly intertwined, so that when you thi...
Get Ready For British Humor Night With The West Michigan Whitecaps
Welcome to Minor Enterprise. But follow only if you are men of valor. For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a monster, a creature so foul and cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair ... therefore sweet knights if you may doubt your ...
Fear Factor In The Northwoods League
A collegiate summer baseball league team called the Madison Mallards was handing out free tickets on Thursday that included all-you-can-eat snack bar privileges; a pretty sweet deal, considering all you had to do to earn it was to eat a dead beetle. The Mallards offered the tickets to the first 250 ...
Please Come To Altoona, Will Ferrell!
Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannonball!...
Billy Joel And Pork Rind Sculpting: Your Week Is Hereby Planned
Minor Enterprise has a way of pleasin', I don't know why it is, but there doesn't have to be a reason. Anyway ......