mls-sucks Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Mourning After: Gruden Gonna Gruden, MLS Gonna MLS & MLB Gonna Step on More Rakes
We’ll start with the truly weird, or at least it would be if it weren’t the world of football coaches. We should have guessed that some coach would have taken the situation in the world and used it to perform some sort of deluded, self-designed Rorschach test on their own team. Which is exactly what...
MLS Caves To Fan Pressure, Lifts Its Ban On The Iron Front Logo
After months of feuding and ejections and protesting, MLS has come to an agreement with various supporters groups to suspend its ban on Iron Front imagery at matches for the rest of the season:...
Seattle Sounders Fans Walk Out Of Match Due To MLS Ban Of Protest Signs
Following months of ideological clashing and semantic disagreements on the meaning of the word “political,” the largest Seattle Sounders supporter group took a more disruptive approach to its fight against MLS’s ban on protest signs, represented most clearly by those bearing the Iron Front logo. Aft...
Carlos Vela Earns The Dubious Honor Of Being MLS's All-Time Highest-Scoring Mexican
With a deadlock-breaking goal from the penalty spot on Sunday in LAFC’s 4–2 win over the Red Bulls, Carlos Vela continued his season-long, Messi-like path of goal-induced destruction. The goal was his 23rd of the season, and his 37th overall in MLS, the latter stat making him the highest scoring Mex...
Zlatan Ibrahimović On MLS Playoffs: "I Think The System Is Shit"
Zlatan Ibrahimović’s summer of righteous discontent continues. Less than a month after taking a dump on MLS’s best player, likening his own presence in the league to a “Ferrari among Fiats,” and even calling an opposing coach a “little bitch,” the L.A. Galaxy striker has today taken aim at the leagu...
![Zlatan Ibrahimović Ethers Carlos Vela, Explains Why MLS Sucks [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/m9nx6czccec3vczcdlwy.jpg)
Zlatan Ibrahimović Ethers Carlos Vela, Explains Why MLS Sucks [Updated]
LAFC forward Carlos Vela has dominated MLS this year. Many believe this makes him the best player in the league. Zlatan Ibrahimović disagrees. After all, Vela might be the Messi of MLS, but as Zlatan astutely pointed out in an interview on ESPN in which he coolly savaged Vela’s career and the league...
Liga MX And MLS Will Compete For A New, Meaningless Trophy
Starting in July, MLS and Liga MX will compete in a new, eight team, single elimination competition to crown the best club in Mexico and the United States (Canada can go fuck itself unless Toronto, Vancouver, or Montreal qualify for the tourney, I guess). At least, that’s in theory what is being pit...
FC Cincinnati's Fired Coach Is The Latest Casualty Of MLS's Misguided Expansion Strategy
After seven winless games in a row, in which the team looked worse than bad, the FC Cincinnati brain trust has mercifully fired manager Alan Koch, replacing him with assistant Yoann Damet in the interim, while conducting a proper search for a permanent replacement. The club put out a statement on Tu...
MLS Has Turned Carlos Vela Into Lionel Messi
As MLS has pivoted away from importing its star power via aged former greats and toward a strategy of bringing in younger players who, by talent or drive or personality, couldn’t quite make it at the sport’s highest levels, the league has had more success at presenting fans with players capable of r...
MLS, Which Is Definitely Not A Ponzi Scheme, Wants To Expand By Adding Three New Teams For $200 Million Each
Are you: A) obscenely wealthy, B) in possession of or willing to form a soccer team domiciled in the U.S. or Canada, and C) looking for a foolproof way to take that soccer investment to the next level? If so, then boy, do I have great news for you!...
Every Austin FC Chant Is Lame As Hell Except For The One That's A Tom Petty Song
MLS had a big ceremony today to announce that the league’s 27th club, Austin FC, will start playing in 2021. The franchise is an expansion team, not a relocated Columbus Crew (thank god), and although their debut MLS game is more than two years away, the branding process has already begun. There’s a...
The MLS SuperDraft Is An Embarrassing Relic
The 2019 edition of the MLS SuperDraft took place on Friday (rounds one and two, in Chicago) and Monday (rounds three and four, on a conference call), and it was another illustration of why it is ridiculous that the league even has a draft at all....
The New MLS Playoff Format Is A Disaster In Waiting
In its effort to continue to tweak every single thing imaginable, MLS announced on Monday that there will be a new playoff format starting in 2019. The league is doing away with the European-influenced two-legged playoffs in favor of a single-elimination tournament, akin to March Madness....
World-Famous Atlanta Strip Club Welcomes In A Little-Known Soccer Trophy For Some Booty Dancing
Millions of young boys around the world dream of one day making it inside Magic City, Atlanta’s internationally renowned strip club. Very few of those dreamers imagine it will be success in America’s bootleg soccer competition that will bring them there, but, for dreams, ends matter more than means....
Browns Owner Jimmy Haslam Will Help Keep The Columbus Crew In Town
The Crew have been saved after all. ...
Inter Miami CF Continues MLS's Proud Tradition Of Barfy European Cosplay
David Beckham’s Mosaic trek through the American sports grifter desert as he seeks to realize his MLS team ownership dream has come another step closer to reality. We now know what to call this allegedly imminent franchise, and it’s a name as nauseatingly cosplayish as we’ve come to expect:...
Anthony Precourt Gets One Step Closer To Pimping Out The Columbus Crew To Austin
Big Daddy Kane might not have thought pimping was easy, but back when he wrote that song he hadn’t seen how simple it was for the Columbus Crew’s grease-palmed owner Anthony Precourt to merely raise a hand menacingly at his current john—the city of Columbus—while also whispering of his service’s ill...
Does MLS Still Suck Ass? An Investigation
Here are the L.A. Galaxy, historically MLS’s premier outfit, the team that currently employs the league’s most high-profile player in Zlatan Ibrahimović, boasts the second-highest total salary expenditure this season, and is currently spending more money on defenders than anyone else in MLS, in Mond...
Step Right Up And Feast Your Eyes On MLS's Newest Attraction, Zlatan Ibrahimović!
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, may I have your attention please! We, the proud proprietors of Major League Soccer, The Greatest Show On Earth (By 2022), would like to welcome you to another season of the thrills, spills, and wildly inequitably salary bills you can only find at our glorious es...
Ohio Sues MLS And Anthony Precourt Over The Columbus Crew's Potential Move
The state of Ohio and the city of Columbus filed a joint lawsuit against MLS and Columbus Crew owner Anthony Precourt Monday, in an attempt to keep Precourt from moving the team to Austin. Last October, Precourt said he would move the Crew to Austin for the 2019 season and beyond unless Columbus bui...