mls-sucks Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cyle Larin's Transfer Debacle Demonstrates Once Again How Absurd MLS Rules Are
The raw facts of the transfer of Orlando City’s Cyle Larin to Beşiktaş in Turkey were bizarre enough in their own right that you’d have to go to some lengths to avoid noticing that they pointed up one of the most obvious aspects of American soccer, which is somehow puzzlingly controversial when stat...
Dumb Column: Sacramento Shouldn't Pay For MLS Stadium, But Maybe Sacramento Could Pay For MLS Stadium<em></em>
There’s one MLS expansion slot left, and it’ll soon be awarded to Cincinnati, Sacramento, or Detroit. Sacramento once looked like a lock to get an expansion spot, but it’s now rather uncertain, likely because Sacramento’s ownership group isn’t as flamboyantly wealthy as their competitors....
USMNT Starlet Josh Sargent Inadvertently Offers Scathing Indictment Of MLS<em></em>
Josh Sargent is one of the hottest American soccer prospects in the U.S. Soccer system. In three weeks, the 17-year-old will ship off to Germany as he prepares to sign his first professional contract with Werder Bremen. The St. Louis native has starred for the U.S. U-17 team, the U-20 team, and even...
The "Art Modell Law" Might Be Columbus's Best Shot At Keeping The Crew
The Columbus Crew’s season is over, but the fight over where they’ll play the 2019 season is becoming increasingly heated. Despite it being a horrendous breach of trust with the city of Columbus and an affront to MLS’ bizarre, artificially deflated business model, MLS czar Don Garber is apparently c...
Seattle Sounders Fans Are Hopping Mad At Beer
I have, myself, been mad at beer. One time I drank several too many Smithwick’s at a pub quiz, and the following morning had the worst beer shits in the history of mankind. Fuckin’ beer! This is not like that: Seattle Sounders fans are mad at beer for, like, appropriation, or whatever....
The Columbus Crew's Austin Relocation Effort Has Its Own Oafish Astroturfing Campaign<em></em><em></em>
While the Columbus Crew are gearing up for an Eastern Conference Finals matchup with the formidable Toronto FC, their carpetbagging owner Anthony Precourt is continuing his efforts to move the Crew out of Ohio and resettle them in Austin. Last night, the Austin city council voted to look into the vi...
The Columbus <em></em>Fiasco Shows That MLS Is No Different
Earlier this week, Anthony Precourt, the San Francisco-based owner of the Columbus Crew, announced that he would pick up stakes and move the team to Austin unless the city bought him a shiny new downtown stadium. Columbus does not need a new soccer stadium, because the current stadium is only 18 yea...
MLS's Anti-Ambition Disease Is Now Infecting Mexicans
Back when MLS was primarily a retirement league where the geriatric greats of the good leagues in Europe could count on a fat check to jog circles around a collection of useless American never-wills until they got too bored and formally retired, the league was a sorry spectacle, to be sure, but most...
MLS Offered Gigantic Media Rights Bid, But Only If It Adopts Promotion And Relegation
Major League Soccer, the famously cowardly league so afraid of things like “competition” and “risk” and “good ideas that might hurt some obscenely rich guys a little in the short term but will reap immeasurable rewards in the future” that it concocted up some bullshit closed-league format to encase ...
This Chris Wondolowski Whiff Is A Crime Against Soccer
Remember when Chris Wondolowski was presented with a golden chance to put the USMNT through against Belgium at the 2014 World Cup and proceeded to completely screw it up? This is worse. ...
St. Louis Citizens Reject Paying For An MLS Stadium
St. Louis is one of 12 cities vying a spot in the next round of MLS expansion, which will see four new teams join the league over the next few years. Sacramento is virtually assured a spot, despite some wild ownership shenanigans, which means that the other cities up for a spot face stiffer competit...
"Footy McFooty Face" Leads Fan Vote For San Diego's Potential MLS Team Name
It’s pretty easy to come up with the kind of barfy, ahistorical team names MLS franchises love to pick, so kudos to the ownership group trying to invent a soccer team in San Diego and buy its way into the league for crowdsourcing a little more imagination. Though maybe “Footy McFooty Face” wasn’t qu...
Bastian Schweinsteiger Becomes Latest Old Guy To Head For MLS<em></em>
Three years ago, Bastian Schweinsteger was on top of the soccer world. He was starting for the best club and national teams in the world, winning the Champions League for Bayern Munich in 2013 and the World Cup for Germany in 2014. The do-it-all midfielder won eight Bundesliga titles with Bayern and...
Atlanta United Fans Break Out Homophobic Chant During Inaugural Game
Atlanta’s new MLS team made its debut on Sunday, losing to the New York Red Bulls 2-1 in front of 55,000 new fans. Some fans cheered the team on and enjoyed themselves, some fans continued to engage in embarrassing “football” cosplay, and some fans got homophobic....
Soccer Comes To Atlanta
Dennis Schröder and Monica enjoy the festivities during The Atlanta United FC’s inaugural game, while a bored-looking Yung Joc poses next to them, seeming to belie his claim that “anywhere you meet me, guaranteed to go down.”...
This Horrendous Atlanta United Fan Chant Is The Nadir Of American "Football" Cosplay
If you haven’t yet grasped why American soccer’s penchant for ripping off European fan culture without any of the history or tradition from which the real culture emerged is so embarrassing—think MLS team names like Sporting KC and D.C. United, or incidents like New York Red Bulls “ultras” tossing g...
Mike Piazza Shits On St. Louis And Major League Soccer At The Same Time, Achieves Glory
Mike Piazza, Hall of Famer and the best-hitting catcher in major-league history, is having a fine time in Italy these days. Much of it has to do with Reggiana, the third-tier soccer club in which he purchased a majority stake last year, and the New York Times’s Andrew Keh wrote a wonderful story abo...
MLS's Simple Transfer Rules Explained In One Handy Chart
Wonder why some college soccer players are drafted into MLS while others are signed outright? Or why some players coming from overseas have their MLS destinations selected for them while others personally handpick the team they’ll play for?...
Missouri Governor-Elect Takes Bazooka To MLS Hopeful's Stadium Financing Plans
Missouri’s recently elected governor, Republican Eric Greitens, is a former Navy SEAL, a devoted humanitarian, and a man who ran a campaign ad that was just 20 seconds of him firing a Gatling gun. All of that means he doesn’t take any shit, not when justice is at stake. The vampires trying to suck o...
Rich Guys Want To Steal Money From St. Louis Citizens To Build Soccer Stadium
A group of rich guys out in St. Louis are trying to buy into the bottom rung of MLS’s ponzi scheme-esque racket. And like most rich guys trying to get a pro sports team in this country, they already have their hands out asking taxpayers to pay for a significant chunk of the future stadium costs....