mls-sucks Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
MLS Playoff Game Delayed Over Turf Painting Error
The Montreal Impact are hosting their Canadian brethren Toronto FC tonight for the first leg of the Eastern Conference Championship, but the scheduled 8:00 p.m. EST kickoff has been delayed after the grounds crew at Montreal’s stadium had to repaint the 18-yard box lines. Players had already complet...
Italian National Team Coach On Giovinco Snub: Come On, MLS Blows
Sebastian Giovinco is far and away the best player in MLS, a bullshit soccer league more invested in protecting its owners from the forces of competition than in producing top-level competition on the pitch. That Giovinco is such a beast in this league makes him an at least plausible candidate for r...
Famous Old Soccer Man Comes Out Of Retirement To Join Retirement League
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a great and celebrated soccer star, who not too long ago decided he didn’t have the drive and/or talent to hack it in the sport anymore, has chosen to take his talents to the geriatric enrichment program known as MLS due to his (likely accurate) belief that, ...
Minnesota United Goalkeeper Concedes Maybe The World's Dumbest Own Goal
I am wary of lapsing into superlatives over every old highlight, but with that qualifier out of the way, this might be the dumbest own goal I have ever seen....
L.A. Galaxy Require Cheap, Fake Goal To Beat Fifth-Division Beer League Team
“Obviously you’re going to bleed every precious second off the clock,” the announcer notes, as the L.A. Galaxy are nursing a 2-1 lead with only 10 men against La Maquina, obviously a fearsome opponent, given the Galaxy’s desire to nurse the clock. Wait, who are La Maquina?...
This Gyasi Zardes Lowlight Reel Is Very Rude And Very Funny
United States forward Gyasi Zardes has quickly established himself as one of Jürgen Klinsmann’s favorite attackers, racking up five goals and 26 caps in his first two years with the national team. He’s a perfectly fine runner and finisher, but good lord, his first touch looks like he’s playing socce...
MLS Team Not Happy About Brazilian Manager Dissing The League
Washed-up Brazilian legend Kaká was originally left off of his country’s Copa América roster because he is old and past it and plays in MLS, the old-timers’ league. With Brazilian internationals dropping like flies to injury in the lead up to the tournament, manager Dunga eventually did give Kaká a ...
Rainstorm Interrupted By MLS Game
You might not be able tell this apart from everyday MLS action, but if you look closely, you’ll see that the field is a bit, uh, damp....
Italy Manager On Pirlo And Giovinco Snubs: If You Play In MLS, You Pay The Consequences
Antonio Conte, manager of the Italian national team, has the distinct misfortune of heading into a major international tournament with the worst crop of Italian players in recent memory. So unimpressive is the 30-man preliminary roster he just announced, the bulk of which will make up the squad he t...
MLS Just Keeps Getting Bigger And Bigger
MLS might have trouble ever becoming the best soccer league in the world, but it’s well on its way towards becoming the biggest!...
Nobody Could Get Into The NYCFC Game At Yankee Stadium Because Of The Yankees' Stupid Ticket Policies
Hey remember how the Yankees changed their ticket policies to no longer accept print-at-home tickets? NYCFC, who also play in Yankee Stadium for some reason, announced Friday that they were planning to stop taking paper tickets too. They have a game today, two days later. In their release, the team ...
The Skeptics' MLS Season Preview
There are plenty of reasons not to watch MLS. The soccer’s kinda boring, there’s a healthy dose of Soviet-ish central planning to the whole operation, and the league’s marketing is extremely “How Do You Do, Fellow Kids?” If you’re hoping for EPL quality or at least Argentine Second Division quality,...
Manager Of Mexican National Team Tells Players To Stay Away From MLS
Jürgen Klinsmann has gotten shit over the years for failing to cheerlead for MLS. He has called for the league to get better, and for his players to challenge themselves at the highest levels of the sport. To some, this is evidence not of Klinsmann’s ability to recognize the obvious, but of some sor...
Robert Sarver's Purchase Of Mallorca Is An Indictment Of The American Soccer System
Phoenix Suns owner and amateur intergenerational psychologist Robert Sarver has purchased a controlling stake in Mallorca, a Spanish soccer club currently playing in the country’s second division. The move is presumably good for Sarver and the rest of his ownership group, which includes noted soccer...
MLS Has Some Sweet New Rules To Make The League Real Good
Attention MLS fans! The league has some exciting news to share with you all! As put so eloquently in their press release, they “will be investing an additional $37 million in player compensation over the next two years.” What does this mean, you may ask? See for yourself:...
Didier Drogba, Who's Destroying MLS, Says MLS Has A Lot To Improve
Didier Drogba, one of our favorite players over the years who’s nonetheless closer to middle age than the middle of his playing prime, gave some of the gentle yet unambiguous real talk that former European stars cashing checks in MLS are prone to hand down from time to time. Surprise surprise, he do...
Sebastian Giovinco Is Way Too Good For MLS
Last night, Sebastian Giovinco weaved through the heart of the entire defense of the New York Red Bulls, hoodwinked another group of would-be markers with an absurdly calm fake shot with his stronger right foot, then spanked a perfect ball with his left that flew all the way across goal and into the...
U.S. Soccer Continues To Sabotage Soccer In The U.S.
I’m like every other flag-loving USMNT fan; I liked the hiring of accomplished manager Jürgen Klinsmann, I root for our individual players when they trek overseas, and I lose my shit when the national team wins even fairly meaningless matches....
New York Red Bulls Fans Drop Sick Burn On NYCFC And The Rest Of MLS
Kinda hard to argue when Pirlo’s playing like this:...