mls Page 23 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Landon Donovan, David Beckham and Robbie Keane Team Up For Goal That Won The MLS Cup
The LA Galaxy defeated the Houston Dynamo 1-0 tonight to win the MLS Cup....
The MLS Goal Of The Year Is Incredible For Any League
Remember the name Darlington Nagbe: it's a wonderful name. But also because the Liberian-born, Ohio-raised midfielder was the second overall pick in this year's MLS draft, and scored his first career goal for Portland on this amazing juggle and volley in July. Today it was named the MLS Goal of th...
A Seattle Sounders Fan Salutes You, Two Fingers At A Time
Your morning roundup for Nov. 3, the day we learned you're never to old to be a male prostitute. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
What Counts In Soccer As A Fight Broke Out After The Red Bulls-Galaxy Match
The MLS playoffs are underway—you knew that, right?—and after the L.A. Galaxy's 1-0 victory over New York Red Bulls things got a bit testy. It wasn't brouhaha levels, mostly because the guy who appeared suffer the most pain (Red Bulls defender Rafael Márquez) wasn't actually touched, as far as any...
The Theme Of Last Night's NLCS Game Was Set When Jerry Hairston Got Bucknered At Third
Your morning roundup for Oct. 15, the day we totally realized that Tums commercial with a randy corn dog is really a work of dong-involved artistry. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Red Bull Arena Has Turned Harrison, New Jersey, Into One Of The Poorest, Most Lawless Places In America
Harrison, New Jersey, used to be a nice town. There was a time when people here didn't lock their doors, and the apothecary made tinctures from local berries. Then the Red Bulls showed up with their Austrian owner and built their stinking $200 million arena. The town took on $39 million in debt to c...
Watch A Nervous MLS Rookie Recite A Spoken-Word Love Poem To Hope Solo
C.J. Sapong is a rookie forward for Sporting Kansas City, and he is creepily heartsick for goalie-dancer Hope Solo. So with the U.S. women's national team in town for Saturday's friendly against Canada, Sapong did what any tormented soul would do: he "stayed up late" and wrote her a spoken word lo...
Let's Watch Cesc Fabregas Score His First Highlight-Reel Goal For Barcelona
Your morning roundup for Aug. 27, the day Chevy Chase's resurgence finally got to Dan Aykroyd, but not necessarily to Bill Murray, because Bill Murray knows he's better than Ghostbusters 3. This, because he unequivocally is. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Houston Dynamo's Stoppage-Time Goal Causes Their Announcer To Orgasm On Air
Perhaps you might react with some skepticism to this man's gleeful shrieking: after all, the win only brought Houston to 8-7-11, and Real Salt Lake isn't one of the MLS's top teams....
Announcer Is Sorry His "One-Eyed Jimmy" "Just Came Out"
In the most MLS injury ever, Jimmy Neilsen, the Danish goalkeeper for Sporting Kansas City, was hit in the eye with a flying Omar Bravo bobblehead last night. He laid on the pitch for about four minutes, got stitched up, and returned to play in a 3-1 win over Portland....
Robbie Keane Will Play For LA Galaxy, Import Sensational New WAG To American Soccer
Ireland, it is said, is a nation of begrudgers. 'Tis indeed. The only thing more brooding and begrudging than an Irishman is an Irishman crossed with a Russian Jew. And the current cause for begrudgery in Ireland is Robbie Keane....
The Philadelphia Union's Cryptic "New Player Announcement" Means Freddy Adu Is MLS-Bound
According to a press release sent out by the Philadelphia Union around 3:30 p.m., the team "will introduce their newest team member" at noon. Their CEO, manager and "new team member" will all be available for comment....
Soccer Fans In Portland Still Behaving Curiously Like Soccer Fans In Any City Outside The United States
The Portland Timbers—seventh in the MLS's Western Conference and 7-10-4 overall—defeated the league-leading L.A. Galaxy 3-0 on Wednesday night. In spite of their hangovers, the Timbers Army was in fine form for the upset. Someone trained a camera on the heart of the crew just before Jorge Perlaza ...
Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb
Your morning roundup for July 30, the day we're provided with living proof that 32-year-old women are, in fact, into 83-year-old men. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Watch A Linesman Fall During The MLS All-Star Game
Linesman tries to get out of the way of a soccer ball. Linesman flies to the ground in dramatic fashion. Could've been worse. Linesman could've been an All-Star team that lost 4-0 to a foreign squad playing a preseason game....
Your MLS All-Star Game Open Thread
The fan-favorite best roster that Major League Soccer has to offer will try to avenge last year's 5-2 All-Star ass-whooping at the hands of a Chicharito-less, EPL-champion Manchester United side tonight. Good luck with that....
Mario Balotelli Punished For "Unprofessional"-And-Also-Failed Backheel Goal Attempt
Mario Balotelli, the 20-year-old Italian striker who plays for Manchester City, attempted a backheel goal in a friendly against the L.A. Galaxy on Saturday, and it did not go well. He missed the goal by a few feet and was immediately pulled from the game. Youth soccer coaches across the world are ...
Kansas City's MLS Team Compiled Laughable, Stereotype-Filled Video To Introduce Its Canadian Opponent
This introduction video, via KCKRS, is perhaps the greatest semi-official compilation of cheap Canadian stereotypes known to man....
An Entire Section Of DC United Fans Planked At Last Night's Game
Well, planking just won't die. We thought it had, over the weekend. But maybe soccer fans based in DC don't watch morning news in Dallas....
Watch The Portland Timbers' Darlington Nagbe Charm A Ball Into A Goal
We like to bag on the Timbers over here, if only because it makes Timbers fans choke on their kelp noodles. But nobody will be speaking ill of this goal by rookie Darlington Nagbe, who sets himself up for a volley and a perfect strike. Patchouli!...