mo Page 401 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Padres Made A Highlight
The Padres, they didn’t get out to a great start this year. They needed 31 innings before they scored their first run of the season. And they’re still at the bottom of the NL West ... but now in a tie, at least, with the Diamondbacks, who make great company for misery....
This Pitch Was So Bad That Adrian Beltre Had To Call Time To Laugh At It
Chris Tillman had a rough night. The Orioles pulled him after he gave up 6 runs in 5.1 innings of work. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, the Rangers can really hit and they’re in their home ballpark. However this pitch to Adrian Beltre is flat embarrassing....
Your Last-Minute, Pants-Shitting Guide To Taxes
Oh holy living fuck, Tax Day is Monday! Have you filed yet? Do you owe penalties? SHIT YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING JAIL. You better run. I know a place in Mexico where you can lie low for a bit while the Feds go searching for you. It’ll buy you the time you need, and then you can jump a shipping freight...
Middlesbrough Score Bonkers 94th-Minute Winner To Go Top Of The Championship
Fighting to remain above the fray and qualify for promotion to the Premier League directly, Middlesborough took on midtable Reading yesterday. Deep into stoppage time the game was still 1-1, but on a last gasp corner kick, Middlesbrough scored whatever the hell this is....
Both Of J.J. Hardy's Dingers Were Teeny-Tiny Baby Dingers
The Orioles are knocking the stuffing out of the ball this year, and they remain the only undefeated team in Major League Baseball after today’s 9-5 comeback win over the Red Sox. Today’s hero was shortstop J.J. Hardy, who knocked in five runs and whacked two dingers....
Yasiel Puig's Got Moves On The Basepath
The Dodgers opened up Dodger Stadium for the season with a 4-2 loss to the Arizona Diamondbacks and their weird new road uniforms (Rob Lowe is not a fan). L.A. had a slim lead for most of the game but Arizona came back at the end and scored all their runs after Kenta Maeda sat down. Yasiel Puig did,...
Bulgarian Soccer Guys Prove That Splashing Around In Puddles Never Gets Old
I would tell these guys playing deep in Bulgaria’s lower leagues on the bog that passes for a pitch to grow up, but it all looks like so much fun that I’m just mad me and my friends don’t jump and kick around in big puddles anymore:...
You Will Absolutely Guess Which Emoji Bryce Harper Has On His Bat Handle
Come on, it’s Bryce Harper. It shouldn’t take you more than 10 seconds to figure this one out....
Report: Montee Ball Arrested For Violating Bond Conditions
NFL free agent running back Montee Ball was arrested Saturday night in Whitewater, Wis. “on a felony bail jumping violation,” according to the Madison ABC affiliate. WKOW reports that police suspected Ball was drinking alcohol in a bar, which his bond conditions don’t allow:...
Dale Jr.'s On Fire!
Hot, hot lug nuts sparked a fire in Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s pit midway through tonight’s race in Fort Worth, leading to a spectacular display of pyrotechnics that took crew members quite a bit of time to put out. The only thing hotter this week? Takes about Dale Jr.’s sandwich shilling....
NASCAR Invocation Features Prayer To Elect A Republican President
Unapologetic bigot Phil Robertson delivered the invocation before tonight’s NASCAR race in Texas, and it didn’t disappoint—if you were looking forward to the duck call industrialist to pray for “A Jesus man” to be elected president in November....
Pro Cycling's Most Harrowing Race Is A Day In Hell
You can’t drive your car over the cobbled roads of Northern France. They’re jagged anachronisms from a past era of transportation, and the only vehicles that still traverse them are tractors and, one Sunday a year, hundreds of professional cyclists. The 114th running of Paris-Roubaix will take place...
Addison Russell Attempts Brutal Assault On Diamondbacks Mascot
Wow, this is quite rude. Chicago Cubs shortstop Addison Russell attempted to maim poor Diamondbacks mascot D. Baxter the Bobcat last night by flinging his bat into the stands. Thankfully Baxter is quick as a, uhh, bobcat, and managed to get out of the way. His attempt to threaten Russell in return d...
Ravens RB Terrance West Sues Hotel Where He Said He Was Robbed Twice In One Day
Ravens running back Terrance West filed a lawsuit Wednesday against a Florida hotel group, claiming that negligence allowed two women and a man to rob him in his room at the Metropole South Beach Hotel in Miami....
These Animated Soccer Highlights Are Super Cool
Over at Bleacher Report, animator Case Jernigan has made artistic renderings of some of this season’s most memorable soccer tricks and feints. The results are pretty awesome:...
The Oilers Said A Lovely Goodbye To Rexall Place
Last night was the final Oilers game at Rexall Place, longer and better known (and carrying better memories) as Northlands Coliseum. It was the NHL’s second oldest arena, and not even old in that charming sort of way some of hockey’s venerable barns can pull off. It was a dump (which is its own sort...
Manchester City Gift-Wrap Game-Tying Goal For PSG
“So far so good for City,” the commentator remarks before the screen cuts to a replay of the goal that put Manchester City 1-0 up on Paris Saint-Germain just minutes earlier. As Kevin De Bruyne’s shot is shown hitting the back of the net again, the Parisian crowd roars. Not because of the replay, bu...
Don't Forget These Great, Easy Tax Deductions
Still haven’t done your taxes yet? Me either. Lucky us: we get an extra three days this year. But you should still get on that....
Get A Load Of Vittorio Brumotti, Maniac Cycling Stuntman
After Peter Sagan won the Tour of Flanders last weekend, he blasted a lo-fi ‘gram of himself wheelieing across the line with the caption “Winner!”. Sagan is somewhat of an ur bro, whose bike handling skills are only exceeded by his propensity to show them off. In a moderate deep dive into the Sagan ...
D-Backs Manager Chip Hale Is Mad The Media Was Excited About Opening Day
The Diamondbacks’ season got off to a rough start last night. Newly acquired ace Zack Greinke, who signed for $206 million this offseason and could very well help the D-Backs become a wild card contender, got knocked around by the Colorado Rockies and Arizona lost 10-5. After the game, Diamondbacks ...