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The 2016 Hater’s Guide To The Oscars
Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars this year, and he took the gig long before the nominees were announced and everyone got pissed because all of them were white. So here we have one of the greatest social commentators of his generation presiding over a ceremony that is in DESPERATE need of a public fl...
Every NYC Romantic Comedy Is Full Of Shit In The Exact Same Way
Our first mistake was going to see this thing when we did. A friend and I stumbled into a showing of How to Be Single after a few glasses of wine a few days after it hit theaters—the same weekend Deadpool opened. Our theater is a small one a few blocks away from my apartment in Williamsburg, Brookly...
Deadpool Is A Superhero Who Refuses To Act Like One
The two biggest movie releases of Summer 2016 are both going to be overwrought action movies cut with brief interludes of Men Breathing Heavily Through Their Noses With Emotion, and they are both going to pull in a small nation’s GDP worth of box office receipts. Take your pick: Batman v. Superman: ...
It's Time For The World's Most Terrifying Ski Course To Claim More Bodies
“The first time I was at the start I was really scared,” says former ski racing phenom Didier Cuche at the beginning of the documentary STREIF: One Hell of a Ride. “All of the guys are making jokes in the evening. They’re saying, ‘Don’t unpack too much your stuff, because I don’t want to pack for yo...
How Rocky Graziano Became Boxing's Greatest Muse
In the late 1940s, a young Nebraskan actor named Marlon Brando had been starring for several months in A Streetcar Named Desire on Broadway when he was contracted to play a fighter in a TV pilot, Come Out Fighting! For the role, Brando decided to secretly study the famous New York tough guy with the...
If The Oscars Nominated Good Movies, They Wouldn't Be The Oscars
For 363 days a year, nobody gives a fuck about the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Today is one of the two remaining days, when suckers care—and other suckers pretend to care—about who gets nominated for the Oscars, which are worthless trash and always have been....
This <i>Star Wars</i> Spoiler Is So Audacious, You Can't Be Mad At It
Just so we’re all clear, there’s a big Star Wars: The Force Awakens spoiler down here. Okay? All clear?...
How Sony Changed<i> Concussion </i>To Make The NFL (Or Their Lawyers) Happy
Concussion arrived in theatres on Christmas, as the Will Smith vehicle finally reached the public after earning mixed critical reviews. We stated back in September that the real story’s complexity, along with studio honchos botching things up, would result in a movie that misses the point. Now that ...
Will Jared Leto's Joker Be Too Raw And Subversive For Modern Society To Handle?
Wow, we knew from previous reports (“Leto ... sent Margot Robbie [Harley Quinn] a dead rat”) that Jared Leto’s portrayal of the Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad movie would be unbelievably edgy and raw, but Twitter users @boring_as_heck and @swarthyvillain got ahead of the film’s promotional cycl...
The Best Things We Watched In 2015
Here, now, are our favorite films, TV shows, and pieces of internet ephemera of the year. Thank you for your time....
<i>The Revenant</i> Is The Manliest (And Bear-iest) Movie Ever Made
You have two very specific questions about The Revenant, and we’ll get to those, promise. But first, let us discuss the scene where Leonardo DiCaprio, playing a über-badass 19th-century American outdoorsman, flees a party of bloodthirsty Native Americans, rides his horse off a cliff, lands in a gian...
Spoiler-Free Lines From <i>Star Wars: The Force Awakens</i>, Ranked
13. “We’ve got company.” ...
The First Three <i>Rocky</i> Movies Were Nothing But White Wish Fulfillment
This piece originally appeared in the August, 1982 issue of Film Comment. It is reprinted here with permission. ...
The<i> Rocky </i>Movies, Ranked
Sylvester Stallone’s recent sit-down with Robert Rodriguez for The Director’s Chair made a pretty compelling case that the Rocky movies ought to be taken seriously as Sly’s greatest artistic achievement. Sure, most of them are exactly the same movie. (Rocky has to fight somebody no one thinks he ca...
The Grisly, Goofy <i>Starship Troopers </i>Played Dumb To Make Hollywood Look Even Dumber
The moment when you discover what Starship Troopers is really about is one of the great eureka moments in the life of any young movie dork. I’ve got vivid memories of staggering out of a suburban multiplex in 1997 and sputtering, “What the fuck was that?” To my teenage self, it was basically Saved b...
Cristiano Ronaldo's Movie Premiere Was Perfectly Sad
Early on in his review of the new movie/vanity project documenting a year in the life of Cristiano Ronaldo, Daniel Taylor noted “it is difficult not to come away with the feeling that Ronaldo must shout his own name during sex.”...
<i>Infernal Affairs </i>Can't Escape <i>The Departed</i>'s Shadow, But Watch It Anyway
Hong Kong action-movie directors have picked up a lot from Martin Scorsese. Think of John Woo in particular: the brotherly criminal-underworld bonding in A Better Tomorrow, the gliding camera moves of The Killer, that endless and amazing tracking shot in Hard Boiled. When you consider that Woo basic...
<i>The Final Girls </i>Is The Nadir Of Meta-Horror, Which Is The Nadir Of Real Horror
If you’re a horror fan, you’ve noticed that every few months, there’s a new entry in the genre that’s explicitly marketed to non-fans, with blogs and critics hyping “your new favorite horror film” and granting best-since-whatever status to a certain kind of movie. Think titles like Tucker & Dale vs....
I Watched B-Movie TV For 24 Hours Straight And Didn't Survive
There comes a point in any 24-hour movie marathon when you’re bleary-eyed, you reek of jet-black coffee and unnatural foodstuffs, and you’re dreaming of nothing more than a hot shower and the soft embrace of a down comforter. You’re thinking to yourself, “Why the hell did I do this?” And you have no...
<i>The Wild Bunch </i>Is Still Nasty, Unrelenting, And Pretty Goddamn Great
Imagine being alive in 1969 and going to see The Wild Bunch when it was new. It was released in an era when American movies were changing, and when audiences were getting more and more used to seeing gruesome violence onscreen, like in Bonnie & Clyde. Granted, it was still a time when movies would t...