nab Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Michelle Beadle, Matthew Barnaby Stricken By Bristol Love Virus
Michelle Beadle, oft regarded as the "most beloved ESPN personality in history" by, like, two or three people who work there has been in a serious relationship with Worldwide Leading hockey analyst and former pesky shit-stirrer, Matthew Barnaby, reports The Big Lead....

Donovan McNabb Is A College Basketball Analyst, Maybe Still A Redskin?
CSN announced that Redskins QB Donovan McNabb will join their ranks as a college basketball analyst during the first round of the NCAA tournament. McNabb was a football star at Syracuse, but also walked on to the basketball team and played two seasons as a reserve. According to Dan Steinberg of th...

Undercut On Breakaway Dunk Leaves High Schooler Temporarily Paralyzed
Alex Etherington, a 6'5" small forward at Hamilton Heights High School in Indiana, had an open look at the basket just minutes into a game against Peru High on Saturday. The score was just 2-0, but a Peru player still attempted to stop Etherington's dunk attempt with a vicious undercut push from b...

Chelsea Owner Roman Abramovich Relieved To Still Have The World's Biggest Symbolic Penis
Thought we couldn't put a sports spin on the recent revelation that Teodoro Nguema Obiang Mangue, the son of the dictator of Equatorial Guinea, had commissioned a yacht with a movie theater on board? Wrong....

These Newborns May Never Have A Chance To Develop Their Own Identities
The staff of St. Clair Hospital's Family Birth Center has taken to wrapping all newborns in gold Terrible Towels this week. Something about the professional team that may not play next season being in a big game next week....

Don't Want To Play For A Crappy Team? A Former Player Says That's Too Damn Bad
Evgeni Nabokov was claimed on waivers by the Islanders, but has no intentions of reporting. Justin Bourne's been in that situation, and says Nabby needs to suck it up....

Kansas State Basketball Doesn't Bother Spelling Freshman's Name Rigth
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Freddie Mitchell Is Still Talking
Here's a delightful first-person account of "4th And 26," in which Freddie Mitchell makes it clear that he was the only person on that field who was ever any good at football. [Philadelphia Sports Daily]...

Donovan McNabb Is So, So Pissed
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: McNabb tries and fails to be diplomatic....

Your NFL Early Games Open Thread
The Jacksonville Jaguars can build a two-game division lead with two games to go should the beat the Indianapolis Colts. Considering they've already beaten the Colts this year, this is a clinch-worthy deal. [Jacksonville.com]...

Lenny Dykstra Won't Dispense Stock Tips And Autograph Balls For $35 At A Mall Today After All
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

McNabb Benched Because Rex Grossman Has Better Grasp Of 60-Minute Offense, Or Something
CSN's Kelli Johnson reports: "Just learned that Rex Grossman is starting over McNabb Sun in Dallas; I'm told Redskins Lockeroom is divided and guys are extremely upset." [@kjohnsoncsn]...

Last Night's Winner: Michael Vick, Obviously
That was just a spanking, wasn't it? And if you don't think Andy Reid and Marty Mornhinweg purposefully drew up a game plan that could have been codenamed "Our QB Is Better," then you must not have been paying attention....

MNF: Young, Underpaid Quarterback Is So Far Outperforming Older, Overpaid Quarterback
At the start of the second half in the capital, the Eagles are up 45-14. Here's your belated open thread....

You've Got To Be Shitting Me, Washington
Apparently Donovan McNabb just signed a 5-year extension with the Redskins. This is no "sorry 'bout benching you" empty gesture. There's $40 million guaranteed. Guhh....

Niche Sports Romance Goes All Soap Opera
Olympic speed-skater Joey Cheek dumped billionaire heiress Georgina Bloomberg (NYC's mayor's daughter) while she was in the hospital recovering from a show-jumping accident. Concussion, fractured vertebra, broken heart. [NY Post]...

Latest Madden Update Agrees With Shanny About McNabb
The week 9 Madden 11 update is announced, and Donovan McNabb's stamina has dropped eight points. Sounds like EA trusts Mike Shanahan more than anyone in their right mind should....

Freddie Mitchell Says McNabb Should Have Been Benched. In The Super Bowl.
Memories get hazy with time. For example, FredEx thinks he was once a real NFL player. He also thinks Mike Shanahan has the right idea, and Andy Reid should have sat McNabb down in the most important game of their lives....

Mike Shanahan Thinks Donovan McNabb Is Out Of Shape And Gimpy
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Mike Shanahan tries to justify Rex Grossman....

Let The Pouty Donovan McNabb Show Begin!
Almost always liked Donovan McNabb while an Eagle despite realizing, early on, that he was the king of pouty, passive-aggressive, veiled digs at people - disguised as saying "the right thing" - when he didn't get his way....