ned Page 53 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Weekend Winner: The Big East, College Sports' Honest Harlot
TCU, a school approximately 400 miles west of the Mississippi, will soon play sports in a conference called the Big East, FanHouse informs. You have to admire the Big East. It never fails to be the hardest-working lapdancer in the room....

Greg Oden's Shirt Is Far More Accurate Than He Realizes
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Braylon Edwards Won't Be Punished This Year
Prosecutors say they're discussing a possible plea deal in Edwards's DWI case, but his next court appearance isn't until January after his lawyer requested more time to file motions. Maybe he'll be suspended for some two-a-days in August. [Star-Ledger]...

This Might Shock You, But Andy Reid Was A Large Child
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

This Man Actually Ran For Office Yesterday
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

John Salley Story Corner: All Rub, No Tug From The Hotel Masseuse
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: when massages go technically right....

Possibly Soon-To-Be Dead Wrestler Of The Week Needs Some Work
Here's a Craig's List ad from one professional wrestler looking for promotional work in the D.C. area. Hurry and act now, before his heart explodes....

Weekend Winner: New York Jets, Enablers
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like alleged drunk driver Braylon Edwards, whose blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit not a week before he scored the touchdown that put the Jets ahead for good....

Fireman Ed Charged With Assault For Preseason Shoving Match
Remember when the Jets superfan took on an intoxicated Giants fan? Apparently, putting drunks in their place is a crime. Ed's been charged with simple assault. It's a baseless charge, but Ed's still a dickhole. [Star-Ledger]...

The Jets Introduced A Car Service For Players The Week Before Braylon Edwards's DUI
As pointed out this morning (and ReTweeted by Peter King — cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria), the most galling thing about Edwards driving drunk is the sheer number of alternatives. Here's another one: the Jets provide free cars and drivers....

This Is Supposedly Braylon Edwards' Mugshot
Photo: Sent to us by a reader who had a "Buddy in the NYPD."...

Skeevy University of Florida Professor Fired For Inappropriate Ines Sainz Reference
"The University of Florida has fired a professor for saying during a lesson about sexual harassment that Latin American women dress more provocatively than U.S. women." Read more about Professor Taylor — he appears to have some lady issues. [Gainesville Sun]...

Wealthy Jets Receiver Braylon Edwards Gets Pinched For DWI In City With Most Cabs Ever
After being stopped by police for driving erratically and blowing twice the legal limit, chinbeard enthusiast Braylon Edwards was charged with DWI Tuesday. The Jets, who have a car service for partying players, were astonished someone actually drove in Manhattan. [Daily News]...

Fake Press Release Makes Worthless Cubs/Brewers Game Temporarily Interesting
How do you make a Cubs/Brewers interesting when they have a combined 126-155 record? You slip a fake press release supposedly written by Cubs GM Jim Hendry into the press pack! Here's a pic (via Paul Sullivan's Twitter) ......

Zidane’s Son Enzo Could Reject France For Spain
French legend Zinedine Zidane has told press his son Enzo—full name Enzo Alan Zidane Fernandez—may opt for Spain when the time comes to choose his international career path....

TRANSFER FUCKING DEADLINE
Sigh. Right, you know the drill. Expect desolate shots of training ground gates, some unlucky chump standing in the pissing rain bringing you literally no news, and congregations of unemployed celebrating transfer coups....

Jets Superfan, Giants Superdrunk Exchange Shoves
Because you asked for it (with your eyes. I can tell), here's Fireman Ed getting into it with an unsteady Giants fan. As always, the only acceptable rooting interest is for the meteorite....

Craig Bellamy Banned From Training With Man City
There used to be a time when The Spoiler, along with the rest of the planet, hated Craig Bellamy with a seething, unhealthy passion....

Urban Meyer Has Had It With "Internet People," "Scumbags," and Crowds
In Don't Tell Coach the Babysitter's Dead news out of Florida ......

Private Stache: John-John And The Say Hey Kid Share A Tender Moment
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....