ned Page 53 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

One Green-Jersey'd Schmo Gesticulates Wildly On Behalf Of All Knicks Fans
We know, guy. We know....

Wrestler Could Have Gotten Away With Robbing A Bank If It Wasn't For His Meddling Fans
On the Combat Zone Wrestling field of battle, Nicholas Wilson went by the name of Nick Gage and his was best known for "his daring feats in the ring." Alas, grappling connoisseurs will go a half decade without seeing said daring feats unless they happen to be in a New Jersey state prison....

Washed-Up Larry Johnson Has Settled His 2008 Drink-Spitting Lawsuit For $100k
Larry Johnson, most recently of the Washington Redskins and this misspelled jersey, has seen his once blossoming NFL career disappear. Now, a lawsuit regarding an inflection point along Johnson's precipitous fall from grace has disappeared too. Perhaps Johnson wants to know if his career can come ba...

It Took A Self-Proclaimed "Hockey Luvin Homo" To Make A Canucks-Kings Game Noteworthy
Your morning roundup for April 1, the day you are permitted to seek vengeance against anybody who you think has wronged you, with no legal ramifications whatsoever....

Four Cans Of Corn Will Get You Two Tickets To A Timberwolves Game
Attention, fans of canned vegetables who will also tolerate watching the Minnesota Timberwolves play a game of basketball: buy four Butter Kernel cans of your choosing for a bargain three dollars (string beans, collard greens, you name it), and you can get two tickets to see the 17-53 Timberwolves i...

Boxer Teon Kennedy Gets His Face Rearranged
Jorge Diaz lost this fight by unanimous decision in Atlantic City last Saturday, but he also landed this evil left that momentarily turned Teon Kennedy into a mutant Steve Urkel. From a different angle:...

Watch A Kid Get Punched In The Face During A Soccer Game In Ohio
There's not very much detail about this display of unfettered youth-gone-wild spirit. J.J. was getting cheered because he had the ball until, of course, a young Billy Zabka acolyte parted J.J. from ball via solid punch to the nose....

Watch Old Zinedine Zidane Abuse A Young Goalie
The Magician will be doing this until he's 80. Class. Pure class. I like how after Zidane finishes toying with this poor lad at some recent Adidas event, he goes over to see if the kid will ever recover....

Watch Manny Ramirez Almost Kill Roy Oswalt
Roy Oswalt was struck "in the upper body" with a line drive hit off of Manny Ramirez's bat today in Port Charlotte, Fla. Crossing Broad captured the video, and while at first glance it appears to hit him in the back of the head, initial reports state that he was struck above the right shoulder and...

Goalkeeper Misses The Ball, Knees Opposing Player Directly In The Face
In Ukranian professional soccer action on Sunday, Volyn keeper Vitaliy Nedilko tried to collect a loose ball and instead collided directly with Luiz Adriano's face. To those who say soccer isn't a contact sport: it is when player's noses are crushed inside their faces, okay? Adriano's squad, Shakh...

Goalkeeper Gets Sent Off After 10 Seconds Of Terrible Soccer
Ebbsfleet goalkeeper Preston Edwards was sent-off, but the true villain of the piece is the left-back. No.3 — damn right you should hold your head in your hands....

TCU Turns Down Wisconsin Game; To Continue Playing Little Sisters Of The Poor
With UNLV backing out of their commitment, Wisconsin has a schedule hole to fill. So does TCU. A third party approached both schools proposing they play the season opener in Madison, in a rematch of the Rose Bowl. Bret Bielema says it took him half a second to say yes. TCU said no....

Here's Video Evidence Of How Jets Fans Purportedly "Roll"
Claiming to be a "trained professional," this Jets fan jumps off a roof into a pile of snow. He dedicates his actions to "Jets fans everywhere" before noting that "this is how we roll."...

The Public Demand To Rip Apart The "This Is Indiana" Rap Video Is Undeniable
So we'll oblige. Now, before you skewer, please keep in mind that these young lads devoted many, many hours into making IU a viral Christian Lander joke. Fire when ready. [Brice Fox and Daniel Weber]...

Weekend Winner: Braylon Edwards Puts Off Judgment Day
Remember that DWI charge, which Braylon Edwards wasn't punished for because the Jets and the league say they can't do anything until he has his day in court? It's been pushed back, again. The Manhattan District Attorney works slower than Roger Goodell....

TCU Billboards Near Ohio State Are The Best Comeback
The Little Sisters of the Poor apparently have enough money to put up billboards around Columbus, congratulating TCU on their Rose Bowl win. Take that, drivers of Central Ohio!...

Braylon Edwards Issues Award For Best Rex Ryan Impersonator Doing The Dougie
With all this talk about Michelle Ryan's pretty feet, people have probably overlooked all the barefoot Rex Ryan impersonators sending Braylon Edwards links to videos of themselves doing the "dougie."...

Here's What Philadelphia Would Have Looked Like After the Eagles/Vikings Game Ended
Not only will the morning bring shoveling, but we're stuck with Brett Favre harassing our women for two additional days. Thanks, NFL....

Here's What The Eagles/Vikings Halftime Weather Report Would Have Likely Been Sans Postponement
"Wind's really picking up. Makes the snow burn a little, too. A few trucks still get by despite the 'state of emergency.'...

Here's What Philadelphia Looked Like Around The Moment The Eagles/Vikings Game Was Supposed To Start
It's still an understatement to say I'm ashamed of the city in which I live because of this....