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![Pittsburgh Riverhounds Player Suspended For Kicking The Shit Out Of Opponent [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/pamilrcoc85ysbayvcqy.gif)
Pittsburgh Riverhounds Player Suspended For Kicking The Shit Out Of Opponent [UPDATE]
The Pittsburgh Riverhounds are likely to lose their leading scorer for a long time, as Romeo Parkes earned an incredible red card by kicking the shit out of Red Bulls II player Karl Ouimette late in last night’s USL match....
![Bartolo Colón Jacks First Career Dong [UPDATE: Now In Spanish]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/cpk53wvigxf9okb8mfr4.gif)
Bartolo Colón Jacks First Career Dong [UPDATE: Now In Spanish]
Over the years, we have been consistently impressed with Mets pitcher Bartolo Colón’s athletic feats. But nothing he has achieved meets tonight’s highlight, in which the Dominican hurler hits his first career home run after twenty seasons in the majors:...

David Ortiz Held Back From Ump After Striking Out With Bases Loaded
Red Sox coaches had to restrain David Ortiz after his outburst following a ninth-inning strikeout with the bases loaded in a game the Yankees went on to win, 3-2....

Masahiro Tanaka Is The Only Good Yankee
The New York Yankees are last in the American League East at 9-17, and tonight they suffered maybe the most bitter defeat of what’s been a real dirge of a season. Their offense has been particularly bad, generating the fewest runs in the AL and mustering just the second-lowest OPS in the AL. The tea...

James Dolan Wants You To Love His Band
The richest touring musician in the world is being called to the stage for a soundcheck....

NYC Subway Now Overcrowded And Soon, Less Functional
The privilege of getting somewhere quickly and relatively inexpensively has been offset by the price of being wedged between strangers with nothing inanimate to hold onto as the train lurches ahead. New York City subway usage, at 1.763 billion rides last year, has hit its highest point since 1948. I...

Islanders Furious After Big Hit Leads To Lightning OT Win
As sexy as playoff overtime is, it tends to overshadow all the good stuff that came before. And the Lightning’s 5-4 win over the Islanders was very good, very fun hockey, even before Brian Boyle finished things 2:48 into OT to give Tampa Bay the 2-1 series lead. The teams traded body blows throughou...

The Hottest Look At The Mets' Gala Is Bartolo Colon Fighting With His Helmet
What’s the hottest look at tonight’s Met’s game, which you could call a gala if you were so inclined?...

Islanders Coach Jack Capuano Takes Puck To The Face
Just like the traditional hockey saying goes: One minute, your team is up 4-2 in Game 1 of your second-round series, the next minute you’re in the locker room, bleeding from the head after a hockey puck smashes into your face....

Holy Shit, Dan Boyle Really Hates Larry Brooks
A disappointing season for the old-ass Rangers, and the oldest (but only among the most disappointing) Ranger of all, defenseman Dan Boyle, took advantage of what is surely his last day with the team to call out a pair of reporters with whom he’s been beefing for a while now....

The Panthers Are Out Of The Playoffs Because Of A Bad Call
For pure entertainment value, Islanders-Panthers was the best series of the first round, with every game being close and half of them going to overtime. It ended in spectacular fashion, with John Tavares (who had five goals and four assists in six games) tying the game in the last minute of regulati...

Islanders Knock Out Panthers In Double-OT
John Tavares’s goal at 10:41 of the second overtime gave the Islanders a 2-1 win over Florida, knocking out the Panthers and seizing his team’s first playoff series win since they played in something called the “Patrick Division.” ...

Sad Tiny Yankees Fan Doesn't Want Anyone Cheering Chris Coghlan's Home Run
Athletics outfielder Chris Coghlan’s two-run homer in Thursday’s game bummed out one small Yankees fan. When a woman sitting next to him started to clap, he swiftly scolded her for supporting Oakland....

Aaron Hicks Rockets A 105 MPH Throw To Nail A Runner At The Plate
Danny Valencia probably thought he had a decent chance to sprint home from third after Aaron Hicks caught this sacrifice fly. He didn’t even get close. Look at this goddamn throw....

Rowdy Nick Mangold Heckled The Penguins At Last Night's Rangers Game
Jets offensive lineman Nick Mangold was hard to miss at Tuesday’s Penguins-Rangers game. He was the guy who looked like Nick Mangold yelling at Pittsburgh’s bench....

Kris Letang Tried To Chop Viktor Stalberg's Head Off With His Stick
Kris Letang is clearly excited for Game of Thrones to come back this weekend, because he used his hockey stick like a goddamn battle ax here and went straight for the jugular. The Penguins beat the Rangers 3-1 on goals and 1-0 on attempted decapitations....

Noah Syndergaard Throws The Ball So Dang Hard
Big-ass Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard had a good game against the Phillies last night, striking out eight and allowing just one run in seven innings. He’s struck out 29 jamokes in his first 20 innings of the season, and he’s done it by throwing the ball really, really hard....

Uh, What?
The fail whale turned up on tonight’s SNY broadcast of the Mets-Phillies game. It’s... something....