nfl Page 864 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Favre-esque Goat Led To Slaughter In Trunk Of A Car
Mechanics in Minnesota were slightly alarmed this weekend when a woman came in for a new fan belt and then announced that she had a live goat—that was also a effigy of Brett Favre—in her trunk....

Best Running Back On The Planet Shows Off Quzzical Dead Duck Face
Adrian Peterson pops up in a photo gallery on Gobbler Country and shows the world that he can also be cruel to animals. Beware the crazed duck lovers converging upon Minnesota to display their outrage. [GC via SB]...

Cowboys Stadium Offers Valuable Seating Behind This Brick Wall
We've already covered the new Cowboys Stadium's opulent luxury, from the $40 million scoreboard to the $60 pizzas. How about $75 seats where you can only see one-third of the playing field? Thank you, Jerry Jones for all your blessings!...

One More Columnist Boldly Proclaims That Vince Young Is Not A Good NFL Player
Although Vince Young schizophrenically told Esquire he'd be enshrined in the Hall of Fame and the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl, it appears only his mother and the voices inside his head believe him....

Moving Jerry's Big TV Wouldn't Be Cheap
According to Chris Mortensen's source with the Cowboys, raising the 72' high video screen would cost a minimum of $2 million (or 33,333 pizzas). No worries, Jerry Jones was already considering raising it to accommodate a U2 concert. [ESPN]...

Ochocinco Wants to Fight Berto, WBC Champ Guarantees A Beating
Chad Ochocinco has spent a few months of his off-season time training in boxing gyms, and now he's talking about launching a pro career. He's gone so far as to call out WBC Welterweight champion Andre Berto....

Cowboys' Massive New Stadium Not Big Enough To Play Football In
Jerry Jones (and Texas taxpayers) spent $1.2 billion constructing an opulent state-of-the-art multi-use arena that's perfect for concerts, soccer matches, trade shows, Promise Keepers rallies, and even football games—provided that you don't allow either team to punt....

Jeremy Shockey Doesn't Play Well With Others
The Saints and Texans, bitter rivals from centuries past, got into a little intersquad donnybrook yesterday and America's second-most beloved tight-end was somewhere in the middle of it. Shocking, right? (Get it? 'Cause that's his name.)...

Why Your Team Sucks: Seattle Seahawks
Some people, Like Ufford, are fans of the Seattle Seahawks. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Seattle Seahawks. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group…...

Why Your Team Sucks: Atlanta Falcons
Some people are fans of the Atlanta Falcons. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Atlanta Falcons. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Boston Stands At Attention For Patriots' Opener
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Chad Ochocinco's Got This Placekicker Thing Down Pat
After his successful PAT: "'Esteban' Ochocinco is back. The most interesting footballer in the world. Everyone has to remember, I've always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now." [Globe]...

Favre's "Gunslinger" Rating In Madden Is Off The Charts
OK fanboys, fess up. When you heard a certain QB was joining the Vikings, the first thing you wondered was what his ratings in Madden will be. Here's your answer, plus Favre's ratings on a few hypothetical categories....

But How Can He Talk To The Cops If His Jaw Is Broken?
The Raiders' assistant who was (allegedly) cracked by Tom Cable is now going to talk to the police, since he's determined that his career with the Raiders is probably now over. He's quick. [National Football Post]...

Buccaneers' Aqib Talib Jumps On The Arrest Bandwagon
Is all this terrible legal trouble dissuading NFL players from punching people in the head? Not Tampa's Aqib Talib! Busted last night for simple battery and resisting arrest. What would be considered "complicated battery?"...

Chris Cooley Opens Up About Jim Zorn And Other Things
"He does not like short shorts; I was directly made aware of that. But it's not like he's a jerk about it. He'll just talk to you." [Washingtonian]...

Plaxico Burress Heading To Jail
In a surprise twist to an otherwise boring legal hearing, Plaxico Burress plead guilty to attempted criminal possession of a weapon and has accepted a two-year prison term, plus two more years of "supervised release."...

Insensitive NFL Sells Brett Favre Dog Jerseys!
OMG, you guys! Can you believe the Minnesota Vikings are such cold heartless bastards that they would profit off the pain of animals by selling personalized dog jerseys! It's almost like they don't care how ridiculous your pets look!...

Put Your Hand Up If You <em>Don't</em> Own The Dolphins
Not so fast, Williams sisters. Venus and Serena join Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez as minority owners in Miami. "Minority" meaning as opposed to majority owners, not as opposed to white people. [AP]...

Don't Give Out Second Chances Unless You Brought Enough For Everybody
Of all the people to whine about the Michael Vick signing, the most unlikely is Dan Leone, the former game-day employee who was fired after venting his frustations with the team on his Facebook page. Yet here we are....