nfl Page 943 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Clinton Portis Is Happily Weird Again
Via DC Sports Bog, which was invented for this very thing, it's Clinton Portis' newest "character." It's "Choo-Choo." We don't know what it means, and we don't care. It's like the final season of "Arrested Development;" not as inspired as the first go-arounds, but we're all just grateful it's back,...
Jamboroo, Week 10: Featuring Marmalard, A—hole Doctors, Depressed Bunnies, Goldfish, And Lots Of Other Stupid S—t
Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon....
Colts Can't Quiet Din Of Controversy
The search is on for the brave, mysterious security guard who blew the whistle on the Indianapolis Colts' apparent efforts to pipe in extra crowd noise in the RCA Dome on Sunday. It didn't take long for the team's house of lies to come crumbling down, once WBZ photojournalist Bryan Foley was on the ...
Well, Look Who's In Trouble Again
Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was just reinstated to the NFL after an eight-game suspension. That's good. Police are already investigating him for another incident. That's bad....
The Detmer-Favre Rivalry Continues
The Vikings just signed Koy Detmer, and he very well might play this weekend against the Packers. I Dislike Your Favorite Team brings back this video of the last time Detmer and Brett Favre faced off....
Don Shula Will Assign You An Asterisk And You Will Wear It
We knew there was something missing from the NFL season: An asterisk controversy. Of course. Well let's get right to it. Don Shula — who coached the 1972 Miami Dolphins to the only unbeaten season in NFL history — says that the Patriots should get an asterisk if they finish 19-0 this season....
Do Not Taunt The Detroit Lions
We don't believe it either, but the Detroit Lions are 6-2, with four winnable games coming up. What the heck is going on?...
When We Beer Bong Together, We Are One
In one of those, "Hey, look, opposing fans can all get along" stories, Kansas City and Green Bay fans come together to experience the Doc Ock. The guy wearing the Ahman Green jersey is our favorite....
If It's Too Loud, You're Too Young
There's not much to cheer about in Bronco land these days — did they really get hammered by the Lions? — but that doesn't mean the old folks can't have their fun....
This Week In The SSW
For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on...
Anything That Doesn't Require Watching The Game
By the way, athletes are always being hammered for having "contract years," in which they play harder when they know they're going to be a free agent. Shouldn't Brian Billick have to give back part of the contract extension he got last year? That team's offense has never, ever gotten better, and now...
Ground Bacon Burgers For All
The Mighty MJD's Smorgasbord runs every Monday. Do enjoy. • The waitress this week is Muff Stubble Girl, who you might recall from past Smorgasbords this season. I shouldn't call her that anymore ... one, because it's not very nice, and two, because her pants are at a reasonably normal level these d...
Norval the Franchise Killer
The best thing about PJ's record-breaking performance might be this picture of Norv Turner reacting to the horror he's forced to witness. This might be my new favorite photograph of all time. I think I'm going to send it off to be made into a custom Fathead. Or maybe I can have it airbrushed onto my...
Patriots Fail to Cover Spread, Claim Hollow Victory
• Was there ever any doubt? You could tell that it was just a matter of time before Tom Brady and Randy Moss could stick a dagger through the Indianapolis defense. For three quarters Tony Dungy's Colts controlled the field, but you can't keep a good man down long, and the same can be said of Bill Be...
Peterson Breaks Rushing Record, Transubstantiates
Forget about rookie records, Adrian Peterson is going after bigger game. It's taken Minnesota's first-year wunderkind a mere eight attempts to break the NFL's record for rushing in a game. The 296 yard eruption led the Vikings to a 35-17 flattening of the San Diego Chargers and put Peterson over the...
New England Patriots Are The Saviors Of Alefgard
And there it is. The New England Patriots collected the Stones of Sunlight, the Staff of Rain, and the Token of Erdrick. Tom Brady will promptly whisk Princess Gwaelin away to a bed and breakfast somewhere south of Cantlin. Meanwhile, Bill Belichick will now reproduce a set of Erdrick weapons and ar...
Championship Team Takes 13-7 Halftime Lead Over Legendary Team
Marvin Harrison isn't playing in the game, which my keen awareness picked up on sometime in the first quarter. So the backup No. 1 wide receiver for the Colts happens to be Joseph Addai, I guess. He has 107 yards receiving on top of his usual job of 80 yards rushing. He's also filling in for three b...
Detroit Lions Sweep The Leg On Broncos
The appetizers leading up to the Colts-Patriots were actually rather satisfying. Most of the games were very close in the fourth quarter, and a very large defensive lineman had to run fast. The Patriots-Colts, Texans-Raiders, and Seahawks-Browns are the only afternoon games. But first, let's look at...
Hoping The Patriots And Colts Play To A Tie Game
M'kay. It's getting to be that time, so let's get the Patriots-Colts preview out of the way. I hadn't even thought about who I thought would win this game until this weekend, when I put New England in my friend's NFL picks pool. It was a rather anticlimactic and unfulfilling finish to a week of spec...
The Reggies Are Running Rampant In New Orleans
Okay, which one of you smart-alecks told me that the Jaguars had a good defense? Because then I went and told everybody, including my local priest, and now I just look foolish. Most of the touchdowns were scored by one of many Reggies (Bush has two for the Saints, and Williams caught an 80-yard pass...