nfl Page 992 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Imagine What They'll Call It When They Actually Use It
Far be it from us to pretend to be experts in branding, but this new marketing gimmick for the Cleveland Browns, obviously a "riff" (and "riff" is being generous) on the Steelers' Terrible Towel, is actually called The Dirty Brown Towel....
OK, We Get Dibs On The Vikings
For those who find the pace of Madden '07 a little too frantic, here's some good — that is to say, fake — news. Introducing Madden Bye-Week '07, in which you control your various NFL players' off-the-field activities during their team's bye week. We're still waiting for our copy, but the "reviewer" ...
Return To Irreverence!
We knew the Oakland Raiders were going to be a source of consistent amusement throughout this season, through ineptitude, disorganization or simple befuddlement, but we didn't quite expect it to happen so soon....
Unfortunately, It Appears Emmitt's Going To Be On This Show For A While
Last night, Emmitt Smith continued his inevitable decline into post-athlete career depression by "shining" on "Dancing With The Stars," impressing the judges with his ... aw, jeez, we can't even type this without feeling bad about ourselves and everything about sports....
Chad Johnson Is A Chicken Dance Maestro
As many have pointed out before, the vast majority of hardcore NFL fans have never attended an actual game in person. Factors include the rarity of games, the high ticket expense and the fear that someone in a dog mask will steal your wheelchair....
Everybody Needs Some Tailgating Backup
We know those who use wheelchairs are capable of doing just about anything that those who can stand and walk can do; we suspect some of you are doing that very thing right now. Unless you're trying to get to the upper deck of RFK Stadium, nothing should stand in your way as a sports fan....
Hey, Let's Play Two Every Monday!
While we acknowledge that the "Monday Night Football" crew might still have some bugs to iron out, as evidenced by this inventive description of new Vikings offensive lineman Steve Hutchinson, on the whole, it was a pretty smooth night of football, considering it went for almost seven hours....
Kornheiser, You're Being Glib
We mean no offense to Redskins fans, but when your owner is hosting Tom Cruise in his luxury box — when he's staying at your owner's house — we kind of think that maybe you deserve to lose....
Monday Night And Tuesday Morning Football
You know, we watched football all day yesterday, and it absolutely wore us out. As great as it is, that's a lot of football. But imagine that actually starting at night....
Perhaps Fergie Can Return Punts
They opened up the Pink Taco yesterday ... and the Black Eyed Peas welcomed a new member....
Mess With The Catman, Get The Claws
If we've said it once, we've said it a million times; when football broadcasters are allowed to attempt humor — especially at Fox Sports — it's all of us who suffer. Coming out OK in the end, though, was Carolina superfan Greg Good, known to all as Catman. Let's wrap up the details for you once ag...
NFL Roundup: Mangini's Workout Regimen
Muses and ruminations after Week 1 of the NFL ......
NFL Week 2: Late Game Wrap
• Has anyone ever called a Week 2 retirement press coference before? Brett Favre might want to give it some thought. The Packers were throttled at home, 26-0 at the hands of their division rival, the Chicago Bears. Favre had two second half interceptions, both of which can't be blamed on anyone bu...
NFL Week 1: Halftime Update 2
• The Bears are taking it to Green Bay in the first half, behind three Robbie Gould field goals, and one 49-yard TD pass from Rex Grossman to Bernard Berrian. Brett Favre, in the biggest upset of the week, has yet to throw an interception. Of course, he's only thrown 2 passes, and with a few minutes...
One Last Victory Lap For A Deadspin Hall Of Famer
Ask yourself this: Would you sacrifice 1/17th of your yearly salary in return for one full day of irresponsible drunken sex with on a cruise ship, with the finest multiple partners that money can buy? If you answered yes, congratulations: You can hang with Fred Smoot....
NFL Week 1: Halftime Highlights 1
Sorry if I don't get to your team's game... I can only watch so much of this at once. I'm sure you'll make terrific use of the comments, though. By the way, the NFL is back... and it makes me feel tingly in my man areas....
Get Thee To A Newsstand (Or SI.com, At Least)
Though we grew up thinking he was the the best sportswriter on the planet — and one of our favorite journalists anywhere — we'll confess souring somewhat on Sports Illustrated scribe Gary Smith in recent years. His writing was still top-notch, but it was beginning to become repetitive. He'd either w...
At Least He Didn't Biggie Size
So there are some new details about our new favorite assistant coach, the Lions' Joe Cullen, concerning his arrest for driving in the nude....
An Odd Way To Get Your Coach Off Your Back
Because we're just the kind of sniggering, obnoxious, wisenheimer 14-year-olds you think we are, we thought we'd giggle a bit this morning at Steelers lineback Joey Porter, who is in serious danger of becoming a staple around these parts....
Steelers Ruin Dolphins' Quest For Undefeated Season
The good news, Pittsburgh fans, is that you've won your opener 28-17 over the Miami Dolphins, behind three touchdown passes from Charlie Batch (!!!???) and an interception return for a touchdown from Joey Porter, who celebrated by setting the goalposts on fire and then eating them....