nice Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arsenal Are Not Fucking Around This Summer
When Arsenal lost in the Europa League final, it felt like the Gunners were well and truly fucked. That defeat, coupled with a third-consecutive Premier League finish outside the top four, consigned Arsenal to life outside the Champions League for the third year running, presumably a massive setback...
The Good-For-Nothing Nationals Came Within One Lousy Run Of The Rare All-69 Trifecta
The Nationals beat the Cardinals by one run in extras on Labor Day. Who gives a shit, right? The Nationals are junk. The loss could matter to the Cardinals in their pursuit of an NL Wild Card, but that is not why we are here. We are here for this:...
Mario Balotelli Scores Wonderful Goal, Talks Shit About Referees
When last we heard from our favorite mohawked madman, Mario Balotelli, it right about this time last year as he came to the close of what turned out to be an unexpectedly impressive but still quintessentially Balotellian inaugural season with Nice in France. We are delighted to inform you that since...
Joel Embiid Has Monster Game, Says “69”
Joel Embiid had the best game of his professional career last night, with 46 points, 15 rebounds, 7 assists and 7 blocks. He’s the first player to put up that line (though the NBA only began counting blocks in 1973). The Sixers beat the Lakers, 115-109, in a game where they shot just 22 percent from...
Utah Parent Wants School Mascot Renamed Because It Sounds Like The Word Penis
Farmington High School won’t open until next year. When it does, it will serve the community in and around Farmington, a fast-growing city in northern Utah. But the school already has a mascot, the Phoenix. The mythical bird was chosen by a vote of area children; it beat out Farmers, Eagles, Firebir...
I, Too, Appreciate 69 This Time Of Year
It hasn’t gone below 90 in months, after all....
Gronk Catches 69th Score, Injures Groin
It was hella dope news and bummer news for Rob Gronkowski today. First, the big lunk of a New England Patriot hit a very personal milestone by catching his 69th career receiving touchdown on a play that the Saints’ defense scarcely could have made any easier....
Two Of The Most Famous Olympic Photos Were All About Location And Dumb Luck
This weekend, Heinz Kluetmeier will become the first photographer to be inducted into the International Swimming Hall of Fame in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. The longtime staff photographer at Sports Illustrated is undeniably hall-worthy. He’s shot iconic images of every major swimmer since 1970, from Mark...
Happiness Is Watching Mario Balotelli Drive PSG Insane
Mario Balotelli’s Nice hosted Paris Saint-Germain this weekend in what was a hugely important match in the Ligue 1 title race. Nice did what they’ve done all year and upset the odds by whooping up on PSG by a score of 3-1, and Balotelli scored a pretty goal to kick off the beatdown. By the end of th...
Mario Balotelli Missed Start Of Match Because He Tied His Shoes Too Tight
Mario Balotelli’s blistering start to his career in Nice has cooled off some of late. No doubt eager to get back to scoring ways, Balotelli tied his boots nice and tight before stepping out onto the field against Nantes this weekend. Only he soon realized he’d tied them too tight and had to get a co...
Blazers-Timberwolves Game Canceled Due To Sweaty Hardwood
A few hours before the Timberwolves and Blazers were supposed to tip off in Minnesota, ominous reports about sweaty ice in the stadium started sprouting up. Damian Lillard and the rest of the Blazers cut their warm-ups short due to the wet floor, and Lillard later gave an interview where he called f...
Rob Gronkowski Once Tanked A Free Throw To Keep His High School Basketball Team At 69 Points
Within this WPRI feature on various New England Patriots’ high school glory days is a magnificent parable about how Rob Gronkowski, a butt with a tattoo of a butt with a tattoo of a butt on it, sacrificed his individual success for a greater cause....
Mario Balotelli Takes Break From Doing Good Mario Things, Does Bad Mario Thing
Mario Balotelli is still thriving out in France, scoring eight goals in nine league appearances for out-of-nowhere Ligue 1 leaders Nice, so things aren’t all bad. What is maybe a little bad is that yesterday, for the first time this season, Good Mario gave way to Bad Mario, when the Italian striker ...
Gronk Knows What Number Comes After 68
Rob Gronkowski, a carefree semi truck that just happens to play football, scored his 68th career touchdown in the Patriots’ win over the Steelers today. The tight end is now tied with Stanley Morgan for the franchise record in total touchdowns. After the game, Gronk impressed reporters by correctly ...
Mario Balotelli Watches His Goal From His Butt<em></em>
Rejoice, soccer lovers, for the joy of Mario Balotelli scoring goals is once again a regular part of our lives. The on-fire Nice forward added another one today in the Europa League, cracking this ball with a little jump-slide shot and admiring it as it flies into the net from his backside:...
Mario Balotelli Scores Two More Goals, Remains On Fire
Mario Balotelli has always been kind of a headcase. Of late, his nuttiness has unfortunately overshadowed his undeniable abilities. But now, after commemorating his second start with his new club Nice with his second two-goal match, it’s beginning to look like maybe Balo is more crazy good than just...
Mario Balotelli Is Back, Baby!
The shirt colors look familiar but the team is different, and so are the country and the pressure and the expectations, and maybe even the player, too. Mario Balotelli is back on the soccer field for the first time in a long time, and he’s doing good things for the first time in even longer....
Cersei's Outfit Was So Dope
A lot of wild shit went down on last night’s season finale of Game of Thrones. It was so wild. I bet everyone at your office today is like, “Man, did you see all the wild shit that went down on Game of Thrones last night?” Me? I’m the guy one desk over, muttering, “Yeah but what about Cersei’s dress...
How To Order A Bottle Of Wine Like You Know What You're Doing
Going out to dinner with friends can easily become a big event—after agreeing to share a meal together, you’ll have to choose the cuisine, the restaurant, and whether to invite that one person everyone has been avoiding for a few weeks. The decisions don’t end there. Once you settle in at the restau...