nit Page 179 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Is John Elway Talking About In This Inane Political Ad?
As a general rule, vague political advertisements are vague for a reason. Everything is broken and sinking and extremely on fire, but we’re not yet at the level of Shitworld where unpopular and unappealing ideas can effectively be presented as themselves and on their own merits. We are heading in th...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Adds Ridiculous Free-Kick Goal To MLS Highlight Reel
Former Manchester United star Wayne Rooney’s first season in MLS was already a huge success before last night’s game against Toronto. He came into it with nine goals and seven assists in 18 appearances, and as the owner of one of the best soccer highlights you’ll ever see. In the 18th minute of last...
Usain Bolt, Aspiring Soccer Player, Scores Two Goals In His First Start
Usain Bolt’s conversion from track star to soccer player continues apace. In August, Bolt got his first taste of the footy when he came off the bench for Australian team Central Coast Mariners in a friendly match and actually acquitted himself fairly decently. He built on that performance today, mak...
The USWNT Looks As Good As Ever And Is Rolling Toward The World Cup
CARY, N.C. — How are we not talking about this team all the time? Sustained dominance is easy to take for granted, sure. And as far as it has come in recent decades soccer still isn’t close to leading the sports conversation in the USA. These are answers, and they aren’t wrong, but they mostly evade...
José Mourinho's Job Saved By Former And Current Scapegoats
José Mourinho will likely survive another matchweek at Manchester United thanks thanks to an incredible comeback led by players who have few reasons to play hard for their manager....
José Mourinho Is Cornered
Usually when Manchester United manager José Mourinho—who has been presiding over a plummeting team full of star players who hate him—is backed up against a wall of his own failings, he reacts by talking some insane and/or defensive shit or by storming away in anger. In his pre-match press conference...
Nobody Was Prepared For The Horrors Modern Warfare Brought To Civilians
This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here....
Canucks Ban Video Games On Road Trips, Because <i>Fortnite</i> Is Well On Its Way To Ruining The NHL
The Vancouver Canucks are a young team, so like seemingly all young men, their players are obsessed with Fortnite. They love it. Can’t get enough of it. Flossing and shit when they score goals. (So: rarely.) Locking themselves in their hotel rooms and gaming until the sun comes up, instead of the ti...
Ohio State Beat Penn State Thanks To The Season's Worst Play Call
Penn State running back Miles Sanders had just 45 rushing yards on 15 carries heading into the final play of Saturday’s Ohio State-Penn State thriller. But with the Nittany Lions facing a fourth-and-five just outside of field goal range, down 27-26 with a little over a minute to play, PSU coach Jame...
Let's Remember Some Guys: Treasure Trove Guys Volume IV
What a world, what a world. How, you might wonder, is someone to live in a world like this one, all crumbling and cruel and forsaken and loud? It’s a great question and honestly buddy I’ve got nothing for you there. But I can tell you this much: if you have in your possession a box full of random ol...
Some Types Of Pain Are More Valuable Than Others
It’s both a truism and true that politics is about power, how it’s used and who it’s used against. But politics are also about the business of pain—about which individuals and which communities bear how much and at what cost, and so implicitly whose pain is worth more than others. Everyone lives in ...
Manitoba Admits It Got Conned, Gives Up On Winnipeg's CFL Stadium Ever Actually Paying For Itself
Build a stadium!, they say. It’ll pay for itself! It’ll spur economic development in the surrounding neighborhood! It never does. For every single city/county/state/province that falls for it, eventually there comes the moment when they have to admit they got bamboozled. It’s Manitoba’s turn now....
Fastest Shed Crushes Fastest Shed's Speed Record
Imagine you are in a small building. The building has wheels. The building can move—vroom, vroom. The building has an engine that has recently exploded and resulted in months of mechanical issues afterward. Now imagine that you are in this building and you are making it do what Kevin Nicks did on S...
Paul Pogba And José Mourinho's Relationship Is Rapidly Deteriorating
When last we updated you on the fraught situation between Manchester United manager José Mourinho and his star player Paul Pogba, the two parties were slamming their team’s performance this weekend and low-key (or in Pogba’s case, explicitly) blaming one another for the loss. In just a few short day...
Bad Soccer Men Try And Thankfully Fail To Beat The Hell Out Of Referee
A soccer match from earlier this month between Indonesian clubs Persegres Gresik United and Persiwa Wamena exploded into chaos when a few players who took issue with a controversial penalty call sought to communicate their dissatisfaction to the ref by beating his ass:...
Mourinho And Pogba Agree That Manchester United Suck, But Disagree On Who Is To Blame
If there’s good news to come from Manchester United’s home draw against newly promoted Wolverhampton on Saturday, it’s that José Mourinho and Paul Pogba agree on what the problem is. If there’s bad news to come from that good news, it’s that Mourinho and Pogba more or less think it’s the other one’s...
Jay Novacek's Kid Says He Suffered Severe Brain Damage From Fraternity Hazing Incident At Oklahoma
Football fans of a certain age will remember Jay Novacek as the infuriatingly dependable third-down target of Troy Aikman on those dominant Cowboys teams of the mid-90s. Novacek retired from football in 1997. His son, Blake Novacek, was also pursuing a career in sports—sports broadcasting, to be exa...
Here’s Every Goal In Manchester United Women’s 12-0 Rout
Manchester United formed a women’s team again this year, thirteen years after the club disbanded its previous women’s squad. The team won its first game and lost its second in the FA Women’s League Cup. Today United played its first game in the FA Women’s Championship, the new second-tier league in ...
Wil Myers Is Sorry For Complaining About Padres Manager Andy Green On A <i>Fortnite</i> Stream
The San Diego Padres have been out of contention since—well, since 2011, so it makes sense that the team would have nothing more interesting going on in September than a Fortnite-adjacent kerfuffle involving a player and his manager....
Manchester United Fans Went Full Arsenal With This Fly-Over Banner
Manchester United are not having a great season so far. They’ve managed to earn just three points in their first three games, manager José Mourinho is reaching a breaking point, and Graeme Souness is getting the dog whistle out early....