nit Page 206 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sad Little Man Utd Fan Is Just Bawling Over Robin van Persie Transfer
Aww, there there little Louis. When we imagined Manchester United fans crying over Robin van Persie’s impending move to Turkey, we thought they’d be tears of joy. Chin up, kid. The Memphis Depay era should be a good one....
USA Score, Finally, As Dempsey Puts Yanks Up 1-0 On Haiti
A thus-far uninspired performance by the U.S. has, at least, resulted in a goal and once again it’s Clint Dempsey who scored to put his side up 1-0 on Haiti in tonight’s Gold Cup match at the Patriots’ stadium in Foxborough. Let’s not let Deuce take all the credit, though he’s certainly earned it th...
Sentient Lacrosse Stick/Kicker Trolls Big Ten, Commits To Penn State
This here is Quinn Nordin, and today he committed to Penn State. Below, you’ll find a video he and a friend put together announcing his commitment, set to “Coming Home.” It makes no real sense in the first place—he’s from Michigan—and involving some sort of small, fixed-wing aircraft makes it even m...
Cup Check!
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Dear Jon Stewart: Thanks For The Ride, Motherfucker
Good day to you, Jon Stewart. I never thought my first Dear Jon letter would explode with expletives, but ever since you, puckish fake newsman, hit what used to be called the small screen with your volcanic potty mouth and flagrant disregard for FCC regulations, you managed to disable just about eve...
Jesse Lingard Volley <i>Golazo</i> Downs Sweden
Manchester United’s Jesse Lingard rocketed a volley off a corner clearance to deliver an 85th-minute winner for England against Sweden today in U-21 Euro tournament action....
Director Of Terrible FIFA Movie Rues His New Rep As A Propaganda Man
Frédéric Auburtin had the misfortune of directing the colossal flop that was United Passions, the movie about and paid for by FIFA. And while directing an awful movie itself can usually be brushed off pretty easily, the recent scandal has inflicted lasting scars on Auburtin’s reputation, as he expla...
Wheat Beers Can Be Awesome
For a variety of reasons both valid and otherwise, wheat beers don’t always get a ton of respect or even attention from the Craft Beer Movement’s™ leading blowhards, cheerleaders, and listiclers. The category’s association with the high-end Anheuser-Busch InBev and MillerCoors brands are likely its ...
Shirtless Richie Incognito Shows Up At Kenny Chesney Concert
Country-music terrorist Kenny Chesney took a break from performing in the summer of 2014, which was a relief to the people who had to clean up the garbage left behind by drunk idiots at his concert at Heinz Field. This year, Chesney returned to Pittsburgh, and new Bills lineman Richie Incognito was ...
Southend Win League Two Playoff Final With Bonkers Finish
Despite being down 1-0 with just 20 seconds of added time remaining in extra time, Southend United earned promotion to England’s League One thanks to some magic at Wembley Stadium....
Phil Jones Falling Down Chasing The Ball Is A Blast In Extreme Slow-Mo
Manchester United drew 1-1 with Arsenal yesterday in a battle of clubs fighting for third place in the Premiership, and the desire to win drove Man United defender Phil Jones to the ground in search of a ball that was just a bit too elusive—no matter how much crawling it took. But even from his hand...
When You're Playing FIFA And Your Controller Breaks
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England Has Been Invaded By Giant Insects
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Darren Sharper's "Penis Monitoring" Is Evil, Retrograde Bullshit
A casual observer might take note of Darren Sharper's pending plea agreement in rape charges spread across at least four years and four different states for any number of the obvious reasons—this is, after all, a case involving a former NFL All-Pro being revealed as a serial rapist. One of those rea...
Manchester Derby Is Already 1-1 And Manic
The Manchester Derby lit up early for the visiting side as Sergio Agüero deposited a dish from David Silva past David de Gea to give City a 1-0 lead. The entire play set up is nice-looking soccer (Milner’s pretty awesome here), but you have to ask what Manchester United’s defenders were doing here...
Aaron Cresswell Puts West Ham Up With Top-Class Free Kick
West Ham's Aaron Cresswell put his side up early on Stoke with this marvelous free kick that left the announcers giddy: ...
How Dinesh D'Souza Damaged My Faith
So conservative superstar Dinesh D'Souza recently went on Hannity and insisted that opposition to Indiana's Religious Freedom Restoration Act "is a selective attack on Christianity," which might surprise those of you who thought it was simply about denying gay people the right to have Gay Pizza ...
Soccer Coach Laments That Only A Few Of His Players Have Dicks And Balls
Carlisle United have been struggling. The club playing in England's 4th division have gone winless in their last five, including yesterday's 3-1 home loss to Accrington. Manager Keith Curle is fed up with his players, and decided to call them out in the media for their main deficiency: only a fe...
Wayne Rooney Perfection Gives Man United The Advantage They Need
Don’t look now—and Aston Villa may still find the equalizer, having scored just a minute after this—but Wayne Rooney is up to his usual tricks, with a physics-defying touch followed by a half-volley on the rise, between two defenders. The full video, with perfect commentary, is below:...
Michael Irvin Takes The NIT Way Too Seriously
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