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Today In Fake Sports News: Jacksonville Jaguars Declare Bankruptcy, Because Of Thugs
If you are like most NFL fans, you were surprised to learn on Facebook yesterday—or the day before that, or last week—that a NFL team was preparing to declare bankruptcy due to, uh, the entitled and ungrateful thugs and the kneeling during the national anthem and the veterans there’s so many and you...
Amazing Online Hoax <em></em>Welcomes "Washington RedHawks" To The NFL
As a general rule, when the internet’s baking outer shitlands send aspiring creators of fake news, it isn’t sending us its best. It’s sending Destroy Belly Fat With One Weird Click fraudwads, it’s sending Macedonian click-hustlers and pinwheel-eyed domestic weirdos whose minds have been corroded by...
Julio Jones Is Incredible, Even On Defense
Julio Jones is easily one of the best receivers in the NFL (I’d say the best but then someone would rightfully point out Antonio Brown exists and then we’d have a long fruitless debate about it), but in Thursday’s game, Jones found himself on the other side of the ball. After Saints cornerback Marsh...
Shaun Livingston And Referee Courtney Kirkland Suspended For Bumping Heads
Warriors guard Shaun Livingston and referee Courtney Kirkland have each been suspended for their little altercation from yesterday—Livingston for one game and Kirkland for one week. Livingston was assessed a technical and ejected at the time; Kirkland was only found partially responsible after a lea...
The Chicago Bulls Play "The Beautiful Game"
Casual basketball fans tend to wax rhapsodic about the fluid ball movement and deep unselfishness of San Antonio or Golden State. But true lovers of the sport look only to Chicago. Study every detail of this possession from last night’s Suns-Bulls game; this is what peak performance looks like....
ESPN Will Lay Off 150 Employees Today
Here’s the memo, hot off the presses, from ESPN President John Skipper:...
Trump Tweets About Marshawn Lynch Sitting For The Anthem; I Can't Believe We're Still Doing This
I’m so, so sick of this, but if I have to deal with it I’m gonna make you deal with it too:...
How The Saints' Defense Finally Got Its Act Together
Two games into the season, the Saints’ defense performed down to expectations: New Orleans yielded 777 passing yards and 32.5 points per game in a pair of double-digit losses. But the Saints have since won six straight, and that beleaguered D has surrendered more than 200 yards through the air just ...
Mike Evans Lays Out Marshon Lattimore With Cheap Shot To The Back
Tempers appear to be hot all throughout the NFL this afternoon, as not long after A.J. Green went full GSP on Jalen Ramsey in Jacksonville, the Buccaneers’ Mike Evans came out of nowhere to lay a cheap shot on the Saints’ Marshon Lattimore during a stoppage in play in New Orleans. Lattimore was exch...
Rambling Flat-Earth Truther Suggests Tyronn Lue Lacks "Intellectual Mind"
Kyrie Irving, a splendid basketball player with a habit of speaking like his entire vocabulary of multisyllabic words is operated by a lotto machine, went on Geno Auriemma’s podcast and told the coach that his eagerness to join the Boston Celtics came down, in part, to “intellectual human being” Bra...
Damian Lillard Finishes Off Lakers With Last-Second Shot
Damian Lillard drained a three-pointer as the clock’s final seconds ticked down in a tie game to boost the Blazers over the Lakers....
95 Theses, Ranked
It is the 500th anniversary of the Reformation. Martin Luther’s 95 theses, ranked:...
The Broncos Might've Had Enough Of Trevor Siemian's Terrible Picks
That was the worst game of Trevor Siemian’s season, and it might be his last. In a 29-19 loss to the Chiefs that felt like even more of a blowout than that score suggests, Siemian threw for 198 yards on 19-of-36 passing, and tossed three interceptions. And I do not use the verb “tossed” lightly; he ...
FW: FW: The Seahawks Are Getting Kicked Out Of The NFL
Everyone is pretty pumped up, if we’re just going by the expressions on the faces of the Seattle Seahawks players and coaches arrayed about their locker room. Richard Sherman is cheesing like a five-year-old on photo day. If Pete Carroll was grinning any harder, his smile would somehow be larger tha...
Marshawn Lynch Watched Game From The Stands After Ejection, Took The Train Home
After Marshawn Lynch was ejected from last night’s game against the Chiefs for making contact with an official, there were reports that he had immediately changed into street clothes in the locker room and left the stadium. That turned out to not be quite true; Lynch did indeed leave the locker room...
Chandler Parsons Isn't Having Fun Anymore
Remember happy Chandler Parsons? He was once a jolly bro who did cool stuff for fans, signed a Mavericks offer sheet in the club, and was boys with Mark Cuban. Parsons was goofy and fun, a lovable NBA doofus who was actually pretty good at basketball. But then that relationship with Cuban got hella ...
The Totally Unexpected True Story Of Yi Jianlian's Magical Mystery Chair
Mention Yi Jianlian, and the first thing that comes to mind is probably that video of him working out against a chair. The baseline drive, the juke, the spin move around the defenseless chair and the ferocious slam. Do you remember it?...
Soccer Fan Travels Halfway Around The World To Visit Tiny Club He Plays On <i>Football Manager</i>
You’d think that Runcorn Linnets, the name of an English soccer club currently competing in the North West Counties League a whopping eight divisions below the Premier League, wouldn’t hold much importance outside of the tiny pocket of ostensible fans tucked away in northern England. You’d be wrong....
John Lackey Should Be In Jail<em></em>
Before John Lackey gave up a walk-off three-run homer to Justin Turner in Game 2 of the NLCS, he treated viewers of the game to a special version of baseball hell....