olympics Page 113 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
China Has Addressed Our Pooping Needs
Breaking news in the Beijing Olympics controversy: They're fixing the toilets. I've prayed for this day (dabs at eye with hankie). It makes sense. The Chinese government realized that if it wants the Olympics to run efficiently, then it needs to address this pressing issue. Simply put, American athl...
I'm Beginning To Sense Some Dissatisfaction With The Beijing Olympics
Here are a couple of other interpretations of the Olympic logo....
Um, Maybe We Should Just Skip The Olympic Torch This Time
Well, that didn't take long. They were still flicking the cigarette lighter in preparation of lighting the Olympic Torch today in Greece when a protester crashed the ceremony, with what looks like a pirate flag. A rousing start on the 84-day journey in which the torch will pass through several locat...
Introducing The Deadspin Beijing Bureau
The Olympics begin in August, and they're in China, so, you know, it should be a rather fascinating world event, if you're into fascinating world events. And we are proud to announce that we have our own Deadspin Beijing Bureau, our own trio of correspondents living in China and reporting on everyt...
The Beijing Olympics Will Be Scary Safe. But Safe. Or Scary.
The Chinese are pulling out all the stops to ensure that the impending Summer Olympics are free of one of those embarrassing international incidents that countries tend to try to avoid. Chief on their list, evening before reducing that pesky pollution problem that will probably kill all the athletes...
China Will Decide What Movies You Watch, Got It?
Oh China, what are we going to do with you? Mere hours after the first high-profile lawmaker called for a boycott of the Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies, the Chinese government responded to concerns about its record on human rights the way that you thought it would: By banning scary movies. Yep,...
Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks
Bad news for all those who actually watch the opening and closing ceremonies at the Summer Olympics; Steven Spielberg has dropped out as director at the Beijing Games. Or actually he was going to be the "artistic adviser," whatever that means. All I know is that now my dream of watching Dennis Weave...
The China Olympics Should Only Involve Lions
How exciting are the Olympics going to be? Well, to entertain folks at the Chinese Zoo, lions are riding on the backs of horses. Only Barbaro could withstand such attacks....
The Chinese Olympic Swimsuits Are Here ... Yeesh
It's true: One man's sexy is another man's nightmare fuel. Mostly though, aren't these swimsuits just impractical? Aerodynamic they ain't. However, if you're swimming in the ocean I suppose the front there could be used to collect baby smelt and other small bait fish. China never fails to confuse me...
Boy, Is China's Face Red
OK, this is pretty hilarious. During a televised ceremony to launch China's television station for the Bejing Olympics, CCTV-5, famed Chinese broadcaster Zhang Bin was ambushed by his wife, who burst onto the stage and accused him of an affair....
Shaun White's Dopey, Training-Wheels Arrest
We enjoyed the ascension of snowboarder — or whatever it is that he does — Shaun White to American hero after the 2006 Olympics. It seemed like a teenage doof being promoted to sports superstar. We were really just counting the days until a weed arrest....
They've Nailed Down This Cheering Thing In China
The ongoing saga of the Chinese government attempting to train their fans and citizens to act like normal people for next year's Olympics continue to amuse. The newest endeavor: Cheering instructional exercises....
England Will Be Awesome In Unknown Sports
As you sit there comfortably in the basement of your ivory tower, sipping your Red Bull and text messaging your co-workers, our nation's dominance — okay, reallygoodness — is being threatened by the very country who created us and taxed us without representation....
The Winter Olympic Mascots Are ... Yeaagh! What The Hell? ...
Inspired by Native American tales of creatures that will claw children's eyes out if they don't behave, please welcome the new Winter Olympic mascots, Quatchi, Miga and Sumi! The Games are a mere 2 1/2 years from now, so these charming critters need to get right to work, doing, um, whatever it is th...
The Chinese Are Quite Mad, You Know
So this is the country that will supposedly be the world's major superpower in 20 years? I have my doubts, considering that this guy covered himself with Chinese Olympic tattoos and didn't allow for any space for advertising. Oh wait, I think I see an ad for Frank TV. Never mind....
China Is Concerned About Your Hips, Ladies
There's pretty much nothing the Chinese government is doing to prepare for the Olympics next year that isn't entertaining. Here's their next trick: Making sure the hostesses for all the events are freaking hot....
One Year Until The Olympics Begin
The Olympics are starting a year from today. That's gonna be here real fast; heck, before you know it, China will have finally conquered the weather....
He Might Be A Fire Hazard
One of our favorite rituals of the Olympic Games is the selection of the people to carry the Olympic Torch. The best is still O.J. Simpson at the 1984 Summer Games. Bet Peter Ueberroth would have loved to have that one back. It's possible China might have a particularly fun carrier itself....
China Will Not Make It Rain
This had been rumored for a while, but it appears the Chinese government is really going through with this: They're really going to try to control the weather during next year's Olympics using rockets....