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To Watch Tonight
What to watch while you deal with your shortcomings ......

The Moonstruck, Rather Wacky Email From Jimmy Patsos To Kornheiser And Wilbon
Being a major college basketball coach is like taking a daily bath in crock pot set at 450; you live in your basketball world 24/7, eating and breathing the insanity until stuff like what you're about to read below slowly starts making sense. Following the jump is a rather remarkable letter from Loy...

Afternoon Blogdome: Mommy, What Does "Going Five-Hole" Mean?
• Two minutes in the box?: Fox Sports: The source you should turn to for all your hockey-based humping metaphors. [The Sporting Blog]...

Rickey Henderson Ready To Enter The Rickey Henderson Hall Of Fame
The Baseball Hall of Fame ballots are out and there's really only one player who seems certain to be inducted next summer—Rickey Henley Henderson. Rickey was one of the most ridiculous humans to ever play organized baseball, but Rickey was also one of the best all-around players ever and a constant ...

Jamboroo, Week 14. Featuring Enhanced TV Graphics, The Hollywood Knights, Anthrax, And The TPIR Mountain Climber
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs, well, every Thursday afternoon during the NFL season. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available in stores and online here, and makes a lovely Christmas gift for the chronic masturbator in your life. You ...

Deadspin Reader Heroically Attends Screening Of Ryan Leaf Movie
In a simpler time, Mike Sebeckis was known as Seabass, Deadspin commenter extraordinaire. A software engineer who has been living in San Diego for 2 1/2 years, he doesn't have much time to frolic in the comments section these days; although he is still a regular reader and thinks Baby Mangino is a l...

This UFL Logo Is Easy To Swallow, But Hard To Take In
Remember that Communications 101 class you took where you'd spend hours inspecting the Land O Lakes package with a magnifying glass to search for penis-shaped trees? That was fun. But thankfully the United Football League has taken a less than subtle approach with its subliminal message. Yes, it ver...

Easiest $150 You'll Make All Month
Just take this incredibly short, painless, (moderately) enjoyable survey, and we'll send one random winner a $150 Best Buy gift certificate. The way prices are going, that should get you almost halfway to a 32 inch HDTV. Simply email [email protected] with the last question of the survey to enter....

Rodney Rogers Paralyzed In ATV Accident
Former NBAer Rodney Rogers fell off an all-terrain vehicle last week and suffered a spinal cord injury that has left him paralyzed from the shoulders down. There's still a chance that the injury won't be permanent and he has already begun rehabilitation in Atlanta, but it's certainly sad news for th...

Do Not Mess With An Auburn Coach's Wife
Tommy Tuberville "resigned" yesterday as the head coach at Auburn University. Unfortunately, no one bothered to tell his assistants, who were out on the road recruiting, completely unaware that they no longer had jobs. As you can imagine, their families are not too happy about that, so a couple of a...

Oh Tevez, What Are You Doing, Son?
Although he's actually from Argentina, Carlos Tevez was all on board with the slant-eye throw down on Wednesday, as we see here following one of his three goals vs. Blackburn. The gesture of course was made famous by Spanish teams at the Beijing Olymipcs, and the Manchester United star has said that...

Plaxico Burress Saga Turning Into Awful Russian Novel
This web of lies that is surrounding Plaxico Burress and his ventilated right thigh just keeps getting wider and stickier. As of this morning, it has now ensnared his wife, two doctors, an entire hospital, half of New York's backfield, and the guy who lights the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center....

Layla Kiffin Is Even More Stunning When She's Moving
The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call will return for a brief period of time through the holidays. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call....

Sean Avery Apologizes For Trying to Make the NHL Interesting
Sean Avery's getting a lot of crap (and a four game suspension) for his "sloppy seconds" interview, but he's finally caved in and issued a formal apology for his comments. Dallas Observer blog "Unfair Park" got it up early last night:...

Please Watch Your Footing NHL Fans; We Can't Afford To Lose Any Of You
Here is palatial Scotiabank Place, home of the Ottawa Senators and, unfortunately, the scene of a rather spectacular accident on Wednesday night in the upper deck. As the Sens toiled against the Atlanta Thrashers below, a gentleman was lugging beers to his seat when he stumbled and went a-sailin' cl...

Morning Blogdome: One Red Card, Please
• All is forgiven: Dutch footie pro Rafael Van der Vaart got himself intentionally disqualified from a match last year just so that he could go to his wife's birthday party. The woman in the picture here—that's his wife. You're lucky he didn't cut his own foot off to stay home with her. [Dirty Tackl...

Countdown To Fun With The T-Mac Injury Ticker
It's safe to say that the the Houston Chronicle has about had it with Tracy McGrady. These are tough financial times, the newspaper figures, so why is the Houston Rockets' star being paid so much dough for sitting in the whirlpool?...

Blake Griffin's Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Live Blog!: North Carolina vs. Michigan State at Ford "Economic Stimulus" Field
Michigan State is the only Big Ten team in the history of the Big Ten/ACC Challenge to have a winning record—and two of those wins came against North Carolina. On the other hand, that Tar Heels have beaten State three times in the NCAA tournament during the last decade. The running theme of tonight'...

Will Anyone Be Able To Keep America's Sideline Princess from Being a Two-Time Champion?
So, tomorrow at some point, Playboy will supposedly announce who this year's contestants for their 2009 Sexiest Sportscaster of the year award. Last year's winner, of course, was Ms. Andrews who was still in the middle stages of Erin Andrewsness. Could her popularity hurt her chances this year? It m...