ouch Page 26 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's Another One Of Those 105-Yard Kickoff Returns We Were Told We'd Never See Again
When the NFL moved kickoffs up prior to the start of the season, long returns were nearly declared extinct. While the number of return TDs is down significantly, there have been a good number of surprises, like this one from San Diego's Richard Goodman. [CBS]...

"I Want To Believe It's Not True": An Interview With The Co-Author Of Jerry Sandusky's Book, <em>Touched</em>
In 1991, Jerry Sandusky approached Kip Richeal, a former equipment manager with the Nittany Lions, and asked him to co-write a biographical book about the coach's life. Richeal, who'd known Sandusky since he was an 18-year-old freshman and who'd studied journalism at Penn State, agreed to the job. F...

A Handy Map Of Where To Burn Your Couches When WVU Beats/Loses To LSU
Before the season began, WVU and Morgantown officials decided to crack down on the Mountaineer tradition of burning couches after big wins (and big losses). They aren't kidding around, making the celebratory pyre a felony arson charge. The new rules face their greatest test Saturday night, as No. 2 ...

Hannah Cornett, The Surfer Grifter, Once Dated Tim Couch
Reader Jim (no, not the "Dave" from yesterday's Surfer Grifter story) calls our attention to a story in the Cleveland Plain Dealer from 2008, concerning Hannah Cornett, the very same Surfer Grifter. Apparently she worked for the Browns in the early 2000s, and while under their employ as a web design...

Couch Burning Is No Longer Encouraged At West Virginia
WVU students burn couches. They burn them because the basketball team won. They burn them because the football team won. They burn them because the football team lost. They burn them because Bin Laden was killed. They burn them because it snowed. WVU students burn couches. It's what they do....

Watch As This Rugby Player's Face Ripples Like A Face Probably Shouldn't
The above video comes from tipster Graeme (naturally), who explains it thusly:...

Man Uses A Chipper Jones Home Run As Excuse To Get To Second Base
As several photo-tipsters have dutifully shared, the first inning of today's Mets/Braves game included a fourbagger by Chipper Jones. The cameras then captured this gentleman out in the left-field stands getting a handful of love. Offered tipster Dallas, "Although it is not quite to the extent of t...

Apply Within To Become The Next Head Coach Of Princeton Men's Basketball
Sydney Johnson, who coached Princeton to victory over Harvard in the game of the century, and then hung tight with Kentucky in the first round of March Madness, took the head coach job at Fairfield University today. You may see the irony there, since it's usually Princeton that poaches faculty at th...

Iowa Football Players Were Subjected To The Worst Workout Ever
Thirteen Iowa football players were admitted to the hospital in January with strange "undisclosed illnesses." A new report, released today to the state Board of Regents, attributes the hospitalizations to rhabdomyolysis, a rare muscle disorder resulting from an "intense, high-volume squat-lifting wo...

Do Not Adjust The Orange Balance On Your Monitor: The Faces Of Harvard-Princeton
On Saturday, Harvard and Princeton faced one another in a one-game playoff for the Ivy League title. The game ended with a splendid buzzer-beater, and now Princeton, a 13 seed, has the honor of losing to Kentucky on Thursday. (Harvard's in the NIT—the Cornell of tournaments. How fun.)...

Here's Video Of The Princeton Men Beating The Harvard Men At The Buzzer
Deadspin's own Dicktern was at Yale today to tweet his observations as Princeton earned the automatic bid with a 63-62 win thanks to Douglas Davis's clutch buzzer-beater. It's official: Vikram wins, and Princeton is smarter than Harvard at basketball....

At Least One Yankee Fan Saw Some Action: This Old Guy Groping His Ladyfriend
The email came in: "You have any interest in photos of an old man who had his hand down a lady-friend's shirt, cupping, rubbing her breast for close to 2 hours while watching the Yankees game last night?" I would say so....

The Carlton Dance Makes NFL Debut (Update)
Lions cornerback Alphonso Smith jumped this Sam Bradford pass and took it to the house, scoring six football points and infinity ridiculous dance points when he broke out everyone's favorite mid-'90s dance—"The Carlton Dance"—in the end zone....

10 Important Lessons To Take From Football Sex Scandals
It's enormously important for the moral growth of the nation that everyone reflects on the recent sex scandals—perhaps look long and hard into a nearby mirror and think about what you have gained from these tawdry goings-on?...

Abbey Clancy Decides To Forgive Naughty Peter Crouch
Those who enjoyed yesterday's particularly good looking list of Women Scorned might have noticed that around 33.3 percent of them still managed to forge ahead with their relationships in spite of the various allegations regarding French underpants models and saggy 93-year-old prostitutes....

Big Yankees Fan, Inspired By Katy Perry, Humiliates a Franchise
I know a place, where Michael LaPayower won't have it easy, after people see his Chevy Fan of the Year video submission....

American Footballer’s Soccer-Themed Touchdown Celebration
It was a toss up for the final video treat of the day - between the above, and a rendition of "Fire" by Kasabian, now that it's been unveiled as the official football song for the coming season....

Seth Tommeraasen Asks "Does Deadspin Cover Flugtag?"
... And Brian Hickey answers, "You bet your ass Deadspin covers flugtag. Lookie here."...

Peter Crouch’s Mum And Dad Attacked By Hungry Baboons
Gangly striker Peter Crouch's parents have been left ‘petrified' after a gang of wild baboons broke into their hotel room at the Sun City resort near England's training camp in Rustenburg....

Fisherman Loses $900,000 Record Marlin Due To $5 Fishing License
A tournament fisherman caught an 883-pound blue marlin off North Carolina last week. That would have won him a $912,000 first prize, but one of the crew members on his boat didn't have a fishing license. So....disqualified. Oops....