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Arizona State And Southern Miss Rumble After This All-Time Classic Sucker Punch
The resulting fight in Tempe wasn't on the scale of the one between Xavier and Cincinnati last week, but the punch that sparked it is so brutally dirty it's almost a work of art. After getting a forearm to the jaw from USM's Torye Pelham, ASU's Muscovite center Ruslan Pateev returns the favor with...

South Carolina Forward Malik Cooke's Eye Injury Was Grotesque, So Here's Multiple Angles Of Him Suffering It
In a game that's already seen the departure of Ohio State star Jared Sullinger (off to the hospital for testing) the South Carolina Gamecocks haven't avoided the injury bug either, as Malik Cooke suffered a nasty-looking cut above his left eye (courtesy a Buckeye elbow) that required locker room s...

Parents: Mike Milbury Shook, Screamed At 12-Year-Old Player
Last Friday evening, two Boston-area youth hockey teams got together for their own Winter Classic, to be held outside at the Anderson Rink in Brookline. It was going to be a good time: an exhibition game between the Boch Blazers and the Boston Junior Blackhawks, followed by a family skate and a pizz...
![Mike Milbury Charged With Assaulting 12-Year-Old Hockey Player [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4q08dv0hivjpg.jpg)
Mike Milbury Charged With Assaulting 12-Year-Old Hockey Player [UPDATE]
Milbury, the outspoken TV analyst and former Bruins defenseman who has vehemently protested the "pansification" of hockey, is also a coach of a youth hockey team in Massachusetts. At a game in Brookline, last week, something happened. Details are scarce, but WCVB in Boston is reporting that Milbury ...

Here's An Adorably Vicious Hockey Brawl With 9-Year-Olds
Making the rounds today is this pro-quality brawl between two Kazakhstani U10 teams. If the biased YouTube uploader is to be believed, it began after the winning Astana team (in white) kept trash talking during the handshake line. What's Kazakh for "I can't believe I shook this guy's frigging hand...

Five Bullshit Things About David Stern's Bullshit Veto Of The Chris Paul Trade
David Stern's veto of the Chris Paul trade contains so much kaleidoscoping bullshit that it seems more than worth it to lay out just some of the bullshit: ...

Shane Battier Announces He's Joining The Heat Via Jimmy Buffett Quote
If you were looking for a fresh reason to hate on the Miami Heat this year, Shane Battier's come through for you. The Grizzlies forward announced on Twitter this morning that he's joining the Heat. Somehow, a Jimmy Buffett reference made it into the mix. That alone almost makes this more damning tha...

How A Heisman Finalist's Penis Ended Up On The Internet
We already knew LSU cornerback Tyrann Mathieu was a pro. Forget his onfield play; dude already had an awesome nickname and a failed drug test. But yesterday turned out to be the ultimate rite of passage for Mathieu, as he knocked two major accomplishments off his star athlete checklist in one day: g...

Substation Fire In Clemson Causes Power Outage During ACC Championship Game
Clemson City Police reported that over 10,000 customers of Duke Energy in Pickens County lost power last night due to a fire. No word if Virginia Tech is a customer....

Allow This Cheerleader To Tell You Exactly How South Florida Did Last Night Against West Virginia
Your morning roundup for Dec. 2, the day we learned we've been hanging around a lot longer than we thought. H/T to Zach for the photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

ESPN Keeps Trying To Pretend It Cared About The Bernie Fine Molestation Allegations All Along
ESPN's Mark Schwarz, the reporter who spent eight years not reporting the story that a Syracuse ballboy had accused assistant coach Bernie Fine of molesting him, has now taken his own turn in the spotlight on the ESPN Rationalization Tour by talking to Sports Illustrated's Richard Deitsch. As Deitsc...

Salty Clemson Fan Calls The Gamecocks The "Short Bus Of The SEC East," Admits He'd Eat Squirrel
According to tipster Matthew W., "This guy 'Clemson Tom' has been making videos for a few weeks now. The Clemson nation has been all over this guy. His latest video he prank calls, Connor Shaw, starting QB for South Carolina. This guys also in past videos prank calls head coaches, Frat houses, GT ...

Deron Williams's Turkish Club Retired His Jersey After 15 Games
Let it be known that no one shall ever be issued the number 8 jersey for Beşiktaş, in tribute to the weeks and weeks of service of one Deron Williams. Hailed as a conquering hero when he arrived this summer, the end of the NBA lockout forced Williams to bid farewell to his Turkish team. He remains...

Big Baby Davis Got Arts-And-Crafty During The Lockout
In this video produced by Glen Davis's marketing company (and via TBJ) we get a look at how Big Baby spent his time off. Knitting, popsicle stick construction, model kits and the like. It's clever, but we're more taken with the rubber-faced Davis's reaction shots. He has a future in silent movies....

How The Internet May Have Saved The NFL And NBA
Before we get to the Funbag, just a reminder that I'll be reading in Milwaukee tomorrow night at 7 p.m. at Boswell Book Company, followed by all of us going out and getting drunk on cheddar-flavored ale. Then, on Thursday night, I'll be in Chicago reading at the Book Cellar at 7 p.m. Come one, come ...

Eight Years Later, ESPN Reports What It Knows About The Claims Against Bernie Fine
"I'm not Joe Paterno, I knew nothing," Bob Ley said on ESPN's Outside the Lines. Ley was quoting Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim, who was responding to the investigation of sex-abuse claims against assistant coach Bernie Fine....

Clearly This Woman Loves The 'Cocks
South Carolina's about to win the Palmetto Bowl in big fashion over Clemson, and here's how one Gamecocks fan reacted to DeVonte Holloman intercepting a Clemson pass to help lock up the victory. I can only imagine how she'll celebrate....

NBA Owners And Players Reach Tentative Labor Deal, Season To Start On Christmas Day
"All I feel right now is 'finally'" said a borderline speechless Dwyane Wade. Barring something crazy, the league plans on opening training camp on December 9th and kicking off a 66-game schedule Christmas Day with the Boston Celtics at New York Knicks, the Miami Heat at Dallas Mavericks, and the Ch...

Astronaut Plays One-Man Baseball Game In Space
Satoshi Furukawa, an astronaut with the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency, played a one-man game of baseball at the International Space Station a few weeks ago. He only managed two outs, but to be fair, he was pitching, batting, and fielding in outer space at the time....

The Shit Replacing Basketball On TV Tonight: Three Hours of <i>America's Funniest Home Videos</i>
The NBA lockout is nearing the end of its fifth month, and there is no end in sight. This sucks for players, who will miss paychecks; it sucks for fans, who will be forced to find other ways to occupy their winter nights; it really, really sucks for TV networks that carry local NBA games and now hav...