out Page 169 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Baby Eating Way Out Of Watermelon Encapsulates The Human Cond—Awwwwwww!
Edible time-out? Funtime/dinnertime mashup? Emerging pod person? All we know is—awwwwwww! [via ExtraHotTrainaMustardClicks]...

A.J. Burnett is a Liar. He'll Tear Your Heart Up. He'll Burn Your Soul.
Let me tell you a little bit about what A.J. Burnett did on the day Tim McCarver did the right thing by outting the Yankees organization as Nazi Communist airbrush artists....

Pussification Of Youth Sports Reaches New Nadir
This 13-year-old's father, who just happens to be an attorney, is suing a little league coach for telling the pitcher to throw at his son. More importantly, the kid is wearing a shirt that appears to say "HARD-ON." [News-Herald]...

South African Government Prankster Thanks "Dickhead" Blatter
On the President of South Africa's official website, there's an item honoring Sepp Bellend Blatter for bringing the World Cup. Problem is, "Bellend" isn't his middle name. "Bellend" is British slang for the knob of the penis. [thepresidency.gov.za]...

FMK: Ichiro, Werth, Strawberry
I've fielded kyuu or juu tips-emails about this video of Blossoming Young Lady Giddying Up After Ichiro Elbows Her Face, Caresses Her Outer Thigh....

Here's Something To Ease You Off Your Fear Of Clowns
This Juarez street clown was arrested Wednesday on an alleged sexual assault charge filed by his teenage stepdaughter. Freaky, yes, but not as freaky as the Phil Spector mug shot. [The Smoking Gun]...

FIST-EXPLOSION: LEBRON STAYING IN CLEVELAND, SAYS..."CUBES"
"Which is exactly why I think he is going back to the Cavs. The sports world is full of uncertainties. When in doubt, go for the love." [BlogMaverick, artwork via 9GAG]...

DONE FUCKING DEAL! LEBRON TO HEAT, SAYS...SOUTH BEACH PARTY PLANNERS
"LeBron James has rented six cabanas at the W Hotel South Beach this weekend to celebrate his team decision, two sources confirm." [US Magazine, image via Clevescene.com]...

KABOOM: LEBRON TO CHICAGO, SAYS...SOME GUY MONITORING SUMMIT COUNTY TAXATION OR SOMETHING
"FLASH: Summit Co. processed request TODAY to change address on tax bill for BJ'S home from an LLC in Cleveland to a new address in Chicago" [EricMansfield]...

TAKE IT TO THE BANK: LEBRON STILL GOING TO KNICKS AND STEPHEN A. IS MISINFORMED, SAYS...SAME GUY FROM BEFORE
"in 28 hours we will find out who's right Stephen or NYCRAY. Is the KNICKS and no other team. Hook, Line, Sinker....... DONE" [@nyc_ray, photo via DeviantART]...

БЛЯТЬ! LEBRON TO KNICKS, SAYS...CAPITALISM
"There's been twice as many contracts sold to people betting that MSG stock will rise to $22.50 by the end of the month as compared to people betting it will fall to $20 by July's end." [CNBC, painting by our own OchentaYcinco]...

HEAVENS TO BETSY: LEBRON TO MATTOON, SAYS...STONED LOCAL
"@DEADSPIN Librarian sez WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME MORE ROLLOUT BLEACHERS!" [@williamfleitch]...

CHERRY-TOP THAT BITCH: LEBRON GOING TO NEW YORK SAYS...YET ANOTHER GUY
"@Deadspin only NEW YORK that's it" [NYCRay, image via deviantART]...

HOLD THE MAYO: LEBRON TO BULLS SAYS...SOME OTHER GUY
"Sources: BREAKING NEWS!!! LeBron James told the Chicago Bulls that he is going to sign with them. Will break the news tomorrow night at 9pm!" [@DAYV0N, painting via Fine Art America]...

MARK IT DOWN: LEBRON GOING TO NEW YORK/NEW JERSEY METROPOLITAN REGION SAYS...CHAD OCHOCINCO
"*Empire State of Mind* *wink* *wink*only the smart folk will put this together and figure out what i am talking about #6" [OchoCincoNewsNetwork, image via deviantART]...

ABSOLUTELY ROCK SOLID: LEBRON GOING TO KNICKS SAYS...JARED DUDLEY
"Breaking News!!! My sources tell me Lebron will announce that he will be goin to the NY KNICKS tomorrow on ESPN.. This is serious.. WOW!!!!" [JaredDudleyTwitter, photo via Esquire]...

IT'S A LOCK: LEBRON GOING TO MIAMI, SAYS...STEPHEN A. SMITH
"For the record: I haven't changed my position. Learn [sic] is going to MIAMI. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong damn it. Stop bugging me until he speaks." [@stephenasmith, image via deviantART]...

Deadspin Classic: There's More Than One Way To Skin A Softball Player
Chances are you'll be playing some softball this weekend. Back in 2007, Leitch stumbled upon the finest college softball media guide the world has ever known....

South Carolina Wins College World Series
In the last game ever at Rosenblatt Stadium, South Carolina beat UCLA in extra innings for the school's first NCAA men's championship in any sport. So now who looks stupid for wearing that hat every day for four years?...

England Players Robbed Of More Than Just Goals And Dignity
As if enough shame and scorn has not been heaped on the English side today, word comes out of South Africa that they were also robbed during their too-brief visit. Fortunately, justice there is swift and exacting. Unlike Wayne Rooney....