Lil Wayne Loves Him Some Maria Sharapova

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• First things first: Do you want to start your day with some more "unintentionally funny moments" from the Youth Olympic Games in Singapore? I'll wait. [ TabloidProdigy.com] You back? Ok, good.

• When serving eight months on Rikers, you have ample time to think about blonde racquetistas. So, it makes sense that Tha Carter responded to SI's SASE (blank sheets of letterhead therein) asking for his thoughts on the U.S. Open.

Note noteworthies: — He signs it "Respectfully, Wayne," — He picks Rafa ("huge fan!") and Clijsters ("due to Serena's right foot.") — And, "I simply adore Maria Sharapova." — Yeah, me too.

• She's baaaaaaack, bitches. Hair-puller extraordinaire Elizabeth Lambert returned to the New Mexico Lobos soccer team Friday for a game against Wisconsin-Milwaukee, but didn't play. Or talk. "School spokesman Frank Mercogliano said Lambert wouldn't speak unless she was involved in a play that helped determine the outcome." [ cnnsi.com]

• The season-long Real Madrid/Barca competition starts today. [ Guardian.co.uk]

• Is Yankees pitcher A.J. Burnett up for a demotion? [ New York Post]

• A South African rugby player named Bees Roux may have beaten a cop to death Friday. Says his team...

"It has come to the Blue Bulls' attention that Bees Roux has allegedly been involved in an incident involving a metro policeman last night in Pretoria. We do not have any factual information at this stage, but have been informed that the policeman passed away. We are not in a position to make any further comments in this regard." [ The Guardian] (H/T Michael Hayes)

• Ever wonder what an alleged-but-uncharged girlfriend-assaulter would have to say about people who put "hoes before bros"? Thanks to Gamecock OL Quintin Richardson, you needn't wonder any more. [ FratHouse Sports]

• Is the U.S. Men's National Team about to clear Bob Bradley out for Juergen Klinsmann? [ WashingtonPost.com]

• NHL free-agent Paul Kariya will be taking his talents to the bench for a season as he grapples with post-concussion syndrome. [ YahooSports.com]

• What's on Jose Canseco's mind? Glad you asked.

Put guys like mark mcgwire,rafael palmeiro,sammy sosa.juan gonzales, in the hall of fame they are baseball,some of the greatest players ever 2:27 AM Aug 23rd via TweetCaster

Try me u scumbag cockroach will make u and ur family suffer about 3 hours ago via TweetCaster

So sweet. [ Twitter] (H/T Evan Lovett)

• Another Friday night. Another high-school footbrawl video. Happy, happy. Joy, joy. [ KTBS.com]

• Lady high-football coach loses first game 28-0 in D.C. Gives me an excuse to sift through YouTube for "Wildcats" video. [ MyFoxDC.com]

• And, finally, from the "Hickey's Biased" coverage files … Jimmy Rollins slides the Phillies to a much-needed victory. Kevin Kolb does too, the difference being he apparently sucked, and it was a pre-season Eagles game.

**** Saturday. Follow me and we'll restore whatever it is we decide to restore today.