out Page 207 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Will Ferrell Teaches Twinkie Protection Techniques
According to Sports by Brooks, this will be running at some point today on the NFL Network, which means that many of you will only see it here because you can't turn away from the intense beefcake appeal of Chris Berman. So enjoy it here....

About Last Night...
• Golden State 109, Dallas 91. The more Stephen Jackson appears on all of our televisions, the better off we'll all be. • Chicago 104, Miami 96. Can anyone guess where Shaquille O'Neal says his back is? That's right, it's against the wall. • MLB: Dodgers 6, Padres 5. On "Trevor Hoffman" night, there...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while fishing with Tony Soprano ... • NBA: Well, he was 30 short of 75 points, but Kobe, Lakers make it a series vs. Suns • MLB: Phil of the Future rocked in Yankees' debut, Blue Jays prevail 6-0. • NHL: The Great White Hope ... Sharks clamp down on Red Wings, 2-0....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while ... Sweet Fancy Moses! ... • NBA: Avery Johnson finally decides to supersize it, Mavericks 112, Warriors 99. • MLB: Sixteen strikeouts, down the drain! Arizona 3, San Diego 2. • NHL: Ha, take that, Bloomberg. Sabres 5, Rangers 2....

About Last Night ...
What you missed due to another troubling incident involving your superhero pants burrito ... • NBA: If Phil Jackson has any of those motivational tricks up his sleeve, now would be the time to roll those out we think. Suns 126, Lakers 98. • MLB: Hey look, Randy Johnson is back. Padres 10, Diamondbac...

Oh, That Ref Is Just Playing Hard To Get
On the list of things that you would never imagine being against the rules until someone actually does it, this would have to be pretty high up there....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while practicing your Iron Egg Skill ... • MLB: It's pretty bad for the Yankees when A-Rod hits two homers but can't upstage Rocco Baldelli. • NBA: Boring? With Rasheed Wallace and Hedo Turkoglu in the building? We think not. Pistons take 2-0 lead on Magic. • NHL: They're partying in...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while watching the sky ... • MLB: Chase Wright's Amazing 10-Pitch Adventure ... Red Sox 7, Yankees 6. • NBA: Baron Davis' beard dominates Dirk Nowitzki's beard, 97-85 in Game 1. • NHL: Beyond Saddledome ... Red Wings advance with 2-1 win over Flames....

I'll Post Anything That Gets Joe Rogan This Excited
UFC fights don't traditionally get a ton of attention here on Deadspin, and that's probably not going to change anytime soon. Sorry. But I do think you'll enjoy this video of one huge man kicking another huge man really hard in the ear....

About Last Night...
• NBA Playoffs. Rockets 84, Jazz 75. Tracy McGrady is setting himself up to be a hero or the most sympathetic figure this side of KG. • NHL Playoffs. Stars 2, Canucks 0. And there will be a Game 7. • NBA Playoffs. Detroit 100, Orlando 92. Darko's revenge will have to come some other time. It might b...

About Last Night...
• NHL. San Jose Sharks 3, Nashville Predators 2. I guess that makes the Predators the prey. Ooooooh. • MLB. Red Sox 7, Yankees 6. Mariano Rivera just keeps blowing saves. • NHL. Buffalo Sabres 4, New York Islanders 3. See, Buffalo, good things happen when you put away your stupid jerseys....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while counting your chocolate peanuts ... • NHL: All right all you Penguins, outta here, single file! Ottawa 3, Pittsburgh 0. • MLB: I'm The God! A-Rod, walk-off homers, and you. • NASCAR: Pole dancing ... In which Jeff Gordon finds a primo parking space....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while alphabetizing your Lionel Richie CDs ... • NBA: Lord Nelson ... Warriors in playoffs! • MLB: No. 9 ... No. 9 ... No. 9 ... A-Rod leads Yankees over Indians. • NHL: Rangers! Every ten years, whether the world is ready or not....

How Virginia Tech Touched Our Little World Here
As you've surely noticed, we haven't gone into the Virginia Tech horrors too much around these parts; we felt we had nothing we could possibly add to something so unfathomable. But there are still ways the tragedy has touched our little world over here....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while chasing Clocky with a hammer ... • MLB: Can a guy get a little offense? Matsuzaka falls to 1-2 as Red Sox lose to Blue Jays 2-1. • NHL: Rangers making this look very easy, which is quite unusual for them. • NBA: Warriors are one win from a playoff berth. If you're 12 or younger...

About Last Night
What you missed while rethinking your decision not to play Little League ... • MLB: Barry Zito finds that Rockies are generally good for what ails ya. • Boston Marathon: Swing low, sweet Cheruiyot. • NBA: McGrady, Rockets get them some playoff home court. Houston 120, Phoenix 117....

Time Once Again To Play The Mark Trail Drinking Game
Somewhere out west — we think it may be Idaho — is a land where the native fish are frisky and plentiful; and occasionally leap from the stream to blurt out answers to mysteries....

Apparently, The Weather Was Warm In LA This Weekend
Over the weekend, the University of Southern California athletics department hosted a fundraiser for physically challenged athletes. Ostensibly, the highlight was supposed to be a swim race between USC coach Pete Carroll and, uh, physically challenged athlete Will Carroll Ferrell, but it turns out t...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while scouting preschool for soccer talent ... • MLB: Pujols is back, we'd say. • NBA: Mavericks beat Spurs as the refs get a little testy. • NHL: Hot Wings ... Detroit 2, Calgary 0....

About Last Night...
• NBA: Grizzlies 133, Nuggets 118. That powerful scoring combination is finally starting to click: Chucky Atkins and Tarence Kinsey each had 28 for the Grizz. • MLB: Red Sox 8, Angels 0. Curt Schilling, untouchable. 8 innings, 4 hits, 4 Ks, 0 ER. • NBA: Magic 104, 76ers 87. Orlando clinches a playof...