owl Page 132 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Well, That Sucked
At no time was Super Bowl 53 as compelling, entertaining, or satisfying as that video of a naked guy pooping while flipping into a lake. Sunday evening would have been better spent watching that again. But we watch the Super Bowls we are given, so our options are either to admire the defensive domin...
Tom Brady Got <i>Thiiiiiis</i> Close To Kissing Bob Kraft On The Lips
The Patriots won the Super Bowl again (hooray, whatever). As the celebrations for the lowest-scoring title game in this era of the league’s history began, an inescapable scrum of photographers, security personnel, and CBS’s Tracy Wolfson immediately began to surround Tom Brady as he celebrated with ...
God Fucking Dammit
Well the Patriots won the fucking Super Bowl again, defeating the Rams 13-3. It was somehow even less fun to watch than that last sentence was to read, as 53 minutes elapsed before anything of substance happened on the offensive side of the ball. Tom Brady now has more Super Bowl wins than any other...
Exciting Play Almost Happens
Holy shit! This could have really swung things in the Patriots’ favor by giving them the best field position they would have had all day! Instead, it resulted in a good stiff-arm for Anderson and a seven-yard gain. Too bad the ball is an oblong shape and it just escaped the grasp of Dont’a Hightower...
Super Bowl Record Broken
If ever there were a Super Bowl to set a punting record, this was the one....
Patriots' Patrick Chung Exits Super Bowl In Air Cast After Going Down With Arm Injury
Patriots safety Patrick Chung was taken out of the Super Bowl on his own power after suffering an arm injury during a tackle attempt in the third quarter of the game....
At Least It Can Only Get Better From Here, Right?
Well that was horrendously boring....
Super Bowl Officials Couldn't Even Get The Make-Up Call On Nickell Robey-Coleman Right
You gotta hand it to NFL officials, they always find a way to screw-up even the simplest of lay-ups....
Report: The Patriots Blame Tom Brady's Quack Trainer For Gronk's Injuries
Rob Gronkowski is hobbled and washed, and Patriots brass at least in part blames Alex Guerrero, Tom Brady’s quack/body advisor. That’s according to a report by the NFL Network’s Michael Giardi:...
Soft Baby President Says Football Too Scary For Child <em></em>
Throughout the 2016 campaign and well into his administration, Donald Trump has made a point of calling the modern NFL cowardly and unwatchable for its slightly increased emphasis on concussion prevention. A sampling:...
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?' Start?
The time has come once again for the “big game,” the football-related contest that surrounds every first Sunday of February, the race to the top for the big trophy. That trophy is, of course, dominance over other grimy web publications who engage in the now-annual, semi-hallowed practice of debasing...
At The Golden Ram Barber Shop, The Rams Never Left And Can't Lose
It would be easy to miss The Golden Ram Barber Shop if you were walking by it, which is not something that you’d be doing. There are sidewalks along the stretch of Goldenwest Street in Westminster, Calif., but they are underutilized even by the standards of the greater Los Angeles metro area and dwa...
Blake Griffin And Reggie Jackson Played An Unsightly Game Of Hot Potato
In hell, you can only watch Pistons games. And, overnight in hell when the Pistons games are over, they only show highlight packages from the 2004 Finals. Ah, but in the afternoon, when you think you might at least get to see highlights from around the league, hell’s NBA TV just shows one play, over...
If You've Been Waiting All These Years To See Bobby Hurley Eat Some Shit On A Basketball Court, Congratulations, Your Time Has Come
Arizona State toppled Arizona in overtime Thursday night, 95–88, breaking a streak of six straight Wildcat victories in the rivalry, stretching back to 2015. Great. Tremendous. Now let us spend several minutes together chuckling at the sight of grey-haired, 47-year-old Bobby Hurley eating a damn bas...
Georgia Businessman Disappears After Super Bowl Tickets Scam Nets Him Over $750K, Including $36K From His Own Mother
Gwinnet County, Georgia investigators are giving Ketan Shah until Sunday to give his side of a story that currently has him accused of swindling almost a dozen people out of over $750,000 in a Super Bowl ticket scam that has been going for months, according to Atlanta ABC-affiliate WSB-TV....
I, The One Person Who Still Doesn't Believe In The Patriots, Know They'll Finally Be Exposed As A Sham In Their Third Straight Super Bowl
After my previous missive, one written before the New England Patriots defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC title game and earned a trip to the Super Bowl, I had many common oafs criticize my prognostication through electronic mail and other various mediums. You lummox, these messages would st...
Roger Goodell Says He Reached Out To The Saints; Michael Thomas Says That's A Lie
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was his usual charmless, evasive self at yesterday’s annual pre-Super Bowl press conference. He dodged all the hard questions and didn’t have anything interesting to say, but he did claim to have reached out to Saints head coach Sean Payton and a few Saints players in ...
Isn't The Super Bowl Supposed To Be Fun?
The Patriots are, in all likelihood, going to win again, and it’s going to be awful. The question now is: What is the worst possible way they could win? A 52-6 blowout? A three-TD lead for L.A. followed by yet another miraculous comeback by everyone’s least-favorite fancy dog? Aaron Donald breaking ...
The Latest Ridiculous Chapter Of Enes Kanter's Knicks Feud Involves Smooching The Actual Floor
Enes Kanter has been a healthy scratch for the Knicks over their last four games, all losses. Collectively those games make up the only four outright benchings of Kanter’s seven-plus years in the NBA, and the big man hasn’t taken them sitting down. Or, yes, of course he was sitting down, but while h...