owl Page 133 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Soft Baby President Says Football Too Scary For Child <em></em>
Throughout the 2016 campaign and well into his administration, Donald Trump has made a point of calling the modern NFL cowardly and unwatchable for its slightly increased emphasis on concussion prevention. A sampling:...
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?' Start?
The time has come once again for the “big game,” the football-related contest that surrounds every first Sunday of February, the race to the top for the big trophy. That trophy is, of course, dominance over other grimy web publications who engage in the now-annual, semi-hallowed practice of debasing...
At The Golden Ram Barber Shop, The Rams Never Left And Can't Lose
It would be easy to miss The Golden Ram Barber Shop if you were walking by it, which is not something that you’d be doing. There are sidewalks along the stretch of Goldenwest Street in Westminster, Calif., but they are underutilized even by the standards of the greater Los Angeles metro area and dwa...
Blake Griffin And Reggie Jackson Played An Unsightly Game Of Hot Potato
In hell, you can only watch Pistons games. And, overnight in hell when the Pistons games are over, they only show highlight packages from the 2004 Finals. Ah, but in the afternoon, when you think you might at least get to see highlights from around the league, hell’s NBA TV just shows one play, over...
If You've Been Waiting All These Years To See Bobby Hurley Eat Some Shit On A Basketball Court, Congratulations, Your Time Has Come
Arizona State toppled Arizona in overtime Thursday night, 95–88, breaking a streak of six straight Wildcat victories in the rivalry, stretching back to 2015. Great. Tremendous. Now let us spend several minutes together chuckling at the sight of grey-haired, 47-year-old Bobby Hurley eating a damn bas...
Georgia Businessman Disappears After Super Bowl Tickets Scam Nets Him Over $750K, Including $36K From His Own Mother
Gwinnet County, Georgia investigators are giving Ketan Shah until Sunday to give his side of a story that currently has him accused of swindling almost a dozen people out of over $750,000 in a Super Bowl ticket scam that has been going for months, according to Atlanta ABC-affiliate WSB-TV....
I, The One Person Who Still Doesn't Believe In The Patriots, Know They'll Finally Be Exposed As A Sham In Their Third Straight Super Bowl
After my previous missive, one written before the New England Patriots defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC title game and earned a trip to the Super Bowl, I had many common oafs criticize my prognostication through electronic mail and other various mediums. You lummox, these messages would st...
Roger Goodell Says He Reached Out To The Saints; Michael Thomas Says That's A Lie
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was his usual charmless, evasive self at yesterday’s annual pre-Super Bowl press conference. He dodged all the hard questions and didn’t have anything interesting to say, but he did claim to have reached out to Saints head coach Sean Payton and a few Saints players in ...
Isn't The Super Bowl Supposed To Be Fun?
The Patriots are, in all likelihood, going to win again, and it’s going to be awful. The question now is: What is the worst possible way they could win? A 52-6 blowout? A three-TD lead for L.A. followed by yet another miraculous comeback by everyone’s least-favorite fancy dog? Aaron Donald breaking ...
The Latest Ridiculous Chapter Of Enes Kanter's Knicks Feud Involves Smooching The Actual Floor
Enes Kanter has been a healthy scratch for the Knicks over their last four games, all losses. Collectively those games make up the only four outright benchings of Kanter’s seven-plus years in the NBA, and the big man hasn’t taken them sitting down. Or, yes, of course he was sitting down, but while h...
An Interview With The Local TV Producer Fired For A Graphic Calling Tom Brady A "Known Cheater"
Michael Telek is a 27-year-old news producer who, until yesterday, worked for the CBS affiliate KDKA in Pittsburgh. He was fired after a Super Bowl news segment used a chyron that labeled Tom Brady as a “known cheater.” As was obvious to pretty much everyone, the graphic was a joke—and not inaccurat...
Don't Forget That Rams Owner Stan Kroenke Is A Shitbird With Bad Hair
For what feels like the 74th straight season but is actually the third, the Patriots are in the Super Bowl. Everyone hates them, for a suite of reasons both worthwhile and petty. While I still would like the Rams to win out of spite, in the abstract, a Super Bowl championship for owner Stan Kroenke ...
There's Nothing To Say About This Super Bowl
The week leading up to the Super Bowl is always bad for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s because one particular storyline gets beaten into the ground by every media outlet; other times it’s because a particularly loathsome team or player or coach gets hyped so thoroughly that the mere mention o...
Humorless Pittsburgh News Station Fires Employee For Graphic Calling Tom Brady A "Known Cheater"
A Pittsburgh TV station has fired an employee who used a chyron calling Tom Brady a “known cheater” into a broadcast on Monday, SI.com reported. ...
Sergei Bobrovsky Gives Good Lesson On How Not To Play Goaltender<em></em>
The Sabres and Blue Jackets are mostly back from the all-star break tonight, but Columbus is still waiting on goaltender Sergei Bobrovsky to return from his vacation. In Bobrovsky’s defense, facing top Buffalo goal-scorer Jeff Skinner on a breakaway is nobody’s idea of “easing back into it,” but the...
Bad Soccer Manager Suspended Five Months For Headbutting The Everloving Shit Out Of Opposing Coach<em></em>
Giancarlo Favarin manages Italian third-tier club Lucchese. During a match against Alessandria on Sunday, he found himself in a spat with an assistant coach on the opposing side. In an effort to settle the dispute, Favarin rammed his massive, shiny forehead straight through the assistant’s nose:...
Hate The Patriots For The Right Reason
The idea as pitched was to do one more takeout of the essential evil that is the New England Patriots collective—because, yeah, that’s never been done before. Up until now, it’s been one hagiography after another, because the Patriots have been so damned cuddly and cheek-pinchable. The helmet logo i...
I Went Backstage At The Puppy Bowl And Tried To Interview A Bunch Of Puppies
The Puppy Bowl began as Super Bowl counterprogramming. Everyone’s watching football, so why not just throw a bunch of puppies on the screen and call it a day? Somehow, that worked not just as filler but as actual programming. The Puppy Bowl airs Sunday for the 15th straight year....
Grizzlies Explore New Depths Of Misery Via Excruciating Kyle Anderson Meltdown
The Memphis Grizzlies spent the late stages of their Monday night home game against the Nuggets barfing away what had been a 25-point lead. Denver grabbed its first lead of the entire game with under a minute left in the fourth quarter; the teams traded buckets over the following 15 seconds (includi...
This Pro Bowl Play Broke Me
The Pro Bowl transcends criticism, or praise. (The latter transcendence is academic, because no one has ever praised the Pro Bowl, not even, I don’t think, the players who are selected for it.) It it bulletproof to all disparagement because that disparagement necessarily takes place on a plane the g...