parenting Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here Are 14 Things You Will Say To Your Kids A Million Goddamn Times
I have three kids. They don’t fucking listen. One day, God as my witness, they will listen. They will stop, turn around, not talk for five seconds, and say to me, “Wow, I never thought of it that way before. Thanks, Dad!” I swear it will happen. I will destroy entire countries if I have to make it s...
<i>Teen Mom 2</i> Is Back: Why Are We Still Watching This Shit?
The sixth season of MTV’s Teen Mom 2 is upon us, disrupting our Thursday nights with the usual turmoil: custody battles, problematic exes, run-ins with the law, souring relationships, and so forth. At this point, the four young stars of the series, who we first met in 2010 on the network’s flagship ...
It's Good To Embarrass Your Kids
What good is having kids if you can’t embarrass them? This great mom, who did the same dance at 32 places across Disneyland, totally gets it. Her kids are over it, and she’s loving it, and so am I....
My Dad's Terrible Child-Care Activities, Ranked
School is out. What the hell are we going to do with these kids? Camps cost a fortune. Sports leagues are a pain in the ass. And who wants to stare at another listless, self-aware gorilla at the zoo? What a downer!...
Ayesha Curry On Parenting A Viral Sports Baby: Let Her Live
Riley Curry, who remains the top sports baby in the game, has now stolen the show at multiple NBA postgame press conferences, up on the podium addressing her fans and upstaging her MVP father, Steph, much to the chagrin of some dumb idiot heartless man-babies and the delight of other (i.e., normal a...
Stay-At-Home Dads Of The World, Unite!
We are a vast, disconnected, sleep-deprived sleeper cell. We are everywhere you look, hiding in plain sight, picking out the just-ripe mangoes at the grocery store or pushing our swinging kids at the playground. We kiss boo-boos, braid hair, and fix the kitchen faucet. Call us Mr. Moms, stay-at-home...
A Semi-Competent Father's Guide To Volunteering At Your Kid's School
One of the best parts of being a dad in public is the generalized expectation that you are basically a greased-up Kevin James playing banana-cream-pie Jenga with the Queen Mum. Remember those early solo outings with your baby and the generously low bar that you were held to? Doors held open, the faw...
Sage Steele Should Be In Jail
I'm gonna preface this by saying that I love Sage Steele. She's black and cool and smart and elegant. These are all good things, things everyone should strive to be. But....
How To Make Friends With Other Parents Without Embarrassing Yourself
Hi, new parent. Welcome. So you have a kid now, and you may think sleepless nights and wide-arcing pee hitting you in the eye from an unencumbered baby penis are the worst things you'll face. But you are wrong. There is something else coming that could scare you into living in total obscurity in...
How To Talk To Your Kids About Sexual Assault And Sports
When I thought my son was old enough to understand the concept of "no means no," I said those exact words to him when he appeared unwilling to back away from a confrontation-in-the-making. This kind of situation arose frequently—the playground, a playdate, just being around his younger sister. "Jo...
A Squeamish New Dad's Guide To Diapers
In Act of Valor, the 2012 movie where real active-duty Navy SEALs play fictional active-duty Navy SEALs, there's a moment where two elite, hardened warriors are discussing fatherhood, and one of them mentions the scariest thing about it: diapers. If fucking SEALs can't handle diapers, is there any...
How To Quit Your Job To Be A Better Feminist (And Parent)
Four years ago, I quit my high-profile, lucrative law job. ...
Why Pitchers Will Always Suck At Hitting
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering casual fans, racist neighbors, old porn, and more....
"Next Week ... Is My Seventh Funeral For Someone Younger Than Me"
Drew Magary's piece this week on over-competitive kids (and parents) mentioned Fairfax, Va.'s prestigious W.T. Woodson High School, where six students have committed suicide in the past three years. Below is a lengthy, remarkable letter we've received from Ryan Mull, a recent Woodson graduate. ...
Down With America's Kid-Competition Complex
I was at a parent's night at my kid's school a couple of years ago—one of those things where you go to the school at night to meet the kid's teacher and eat a cookie and listen as the teacher tells you all the shit they do in class every day, and then you nod your head in approval. "Ah, yes. MUSIC...
Why Redshirting Your Kindergartener Is Dumb
Before we get to the Funbag, Craggs wanted me to do a cattle call for audio and/or video of your local nutjob coach screaming at players. So if your indoor equestrian coach is chewing you out for hours at a time, and you had the moxie to take a video of said rant, send it on in. We won't yell at you...
How To Explain Michael Sam And His Boyfriend To Your 7-Year-Old Child
This is a difficult thing, because small children won't believe you when you tell them that Michael Sam is the first openly gay player ever to be drafted into the National Football League, and will respond with genuine bewilderment when you explain why this is—why there have been no other NFL player...
Idiot Father Shakes His Baby Around While Diving To Catch A Home Run
In fairness to this dad, on the list of things that you should not do while holding a baby, "diving into a scrum on the stadium floor for a home run ball" trails other modern parenting pratfalls, like using a chainsaw, or being thrown into the sun. Still, this seems ill-considered. ...
Why Rich Lacrosse Parents Are Making Their Kids Repeat A Grade
In the lax-crazy scholastic sports scene of the high-end Washington D.C. market, a game between Landon School and Georgetown Prep is essentially 'Skins vs. Cowboys, except with more people named Topper. They're two of the fancy-pantsiest all-boys secondary schools in the area, and their athletic riv...
Down With Big Birthday
I have two kids with birthdays coming up and as much as I would like to sidestep the Birthday-Industrial Complex, it's no easy task. There are two levels of peer pressure in the birthday universe: the peer pressure exerted on your children (not that I really care about that) and the social pressure...